Page 21 of Slammed Into Inferno

After my brother and his family came to visit me a few weeks ago, I have only thrown myself more into working. Yes, after talking with McKayla and realizing my true feelings for Declan, I have yet to go to talk to him. Every single time I think about expressing my feelings to him, all I can see is the hurt look on his face the last time we spoke. What if this was all one sided and if he did care, he would have fought more rather than leave. Right? Maybe I should take it as a sign as I need to let this go, try to move on with my life, what if this relationship was to be more than a few months? Did I seriously let this beautiful, kind, caring, thoughtful, fearless man walk out of my life without telling him how I feel? Am I that numb since Jake to not be able to see the best thing in front of me?

* * *

Not sure why I schedule myself to work four twelve-hour shifts in a row, I somehow think it’s going to distract me from thinking about Declan. According to Sophia, I need to get my head out of my tight big ass, as she so nicely said. More like demanded, that is what I do. Grace said Jake obviously did some serious damage to my self-esteem, and she gets why I acted the way I did. She would have too, but she also sees Sophia’s point too.

I am charting at the nurse’s station as I find doing it when I am in the patient’s room can sometimes be too distracting and it’s better for me to write it down on my notepad and do it at the station later. Plus, I can note faster and not feel pressured to leave the patient’s room. As I am finishing my notes for the next shift change, I feel someone’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, and I already know it is. “Get on with Soph. Say it, I know you are dying to tell me again for the hundredth time,” Letting out an enormous sigh.

“Well, if you already know what I am going to say, then I do not need to say it then bitch, now do I? Since apparently, I need to tell youagain…. He is not captain of douche. Declan is a good man. A sexy man. You can’t keep comparing him to a pencil dick, sweetie,” Sophia is saying with her arms crossed next to me.

I turn in my chair and look at her. “I know. It’s ...” I look up at the ceiling trying to think of how I want to explain this and not to cry about this either, lord knows I have done enough of that, “It’s all in my mind and at the time all I could think about was Jake putting his needs and dreams before mine. It was always him and I put up with it for so long. I was so used to it. And yes, I know Declan will have to put his job before me. I mean, we are in the same field. However, at the moment, it was all I could see. So, I thought if I took myself out of the situation, I would not get hurt… again. Unfortunately, I got hurt. It hurts so much more than leaving Jake or even catching him in bed with the captain save a hoe…. Soph seeing the hurt on his face broke my heart into tiny pieces.” I can feel my eyes watering up and my face becoming wet as I am telling her this.

Sophia reaches for my hand and gives a good squeeze, “I know babe, it’s because you are head over heels in love with this man. I also known for a damn sure that he is in love with you too. You two simply need some time to get there. You will.” I nod my head as it is all I could muster up to respond with.

* * *

One of the cool things at working Tuffs Children’s was when the ER was short staffed or people were on leave, we could pick some extra shifts. I am sure you can guess. Yep, I picked up an extra shift a week because I am insane and I need to be medicated, or well, I need sleep and some tacos. We can work in either ER, the children’s one or the regular ER. This time I opted to pick up a shift in the regular ER for a change of pace. I love working with kids, seeing sick kids day in and day out takes a huge toll on your emotions because no child should ever be sick. Look at my sweet Luca fighting cancer for a second time at the young age of twelve years old.

In the nursing world, we dream of taking an eight-hour shift rather than a twelve. It had been a tame night as the nurses I am working with informed me. Which was fine with me because a tame night usually means I might get to clock out early and I want to get some tacos on the way home, then hibernate myself for the next four days. Of course, when the thought appears into my head, there is a call coming in telling us there is a cold blue coming in.

There was a car accident down by the North Station which the closest hospital is Mass General, however they are short staffed, so we have been getting some of their overflow and this one of those instances. The head nurse on shift is on the phone telling us to prepare as it was a drunk driver who hit a person who was crossing the street. I swear it is never a dull moment here in Boston.

The person who the drunk driver hit apparently is a young male who now has serious injuries. Before we have a moment to catch our breath, the doors open and the paramedics are spewing off everything to Dr. Tray Marcelle, the trauma doctor who I am on shift with, as this is happening Dr Marcelle is listing off tests we need and what meds to push.

The patient codes, and I start doing chest compressions while Dr Marcelle is getting the paddles ready. He yells “clear!” Thankfully we get the young man back into sinus rhythm. In the ER everything moves so quickly at lighting speed and especially at this moment.

After getting the young man stable enough we could transport him to surgery. If he pulls through, he has a long road of recovery ahead of him. As I am walking back to the nurse’s station, Dr. Marcelle stops me by putting his hand on shoulder, “Evie, that was some fast reaction back there. Have to say I am impressed.” He smiles as he says this to me.

Not going to lie, Dr. Tray Marcelle is one gorgeous man. He is tall, muscular but not overly muscular with the clean edge look rather than Declan’s ‘I’m all man who gets my hands dirty’ kind of look.

I smile back at him. “Thank you, simply doing my job I guess.”

Right when Dr. Marcelle goes to open his mouth is when I notice out of the corner of my eye a firefighter talking to the officers who came in to see the status of the young man who had gotten hit by the drunk driver. That was not what has piqued my attention. It’s who the officer is talking too, Declan. I did not even notice he was part of the rescue scene who brought in the patient. The drunk driver only had a few cuts on him, which makes my blood boil.

He is even more gorgeous while he is working and risking his life to save others. Jesus, did I royally fuck this up? The answer is yes. I make myself turn away and get busy charting on what had happened with our patient when I feel someone walk up to the nurse’s station. As he was standing in front of the nurses’ station, I was hit with his scent of sage and spice. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around him to tell him how much I missed him and loved him.

“Evie?” His deep rich voice makes my whole-body shutter.Calm your tits, Evie. It is only his butterfly voice. You are the one that made the choice to walk away because of your own insecurities.

“Hey,” is all I could muster to say to this man who has been haunting all my thoughts for the last three months.

We both are staring at each other and we’re not sure on what to say. Declan is about to say something when the officer calls him over to ask him more questions about the scene. He smiles at me, not the one that would reach his eyes and make the dimple on his right cheek pop, more like a force smile. I know it is because of me.

The shift I picked up in the ER was an overnight shift and I was out at dawn. I looked down at my apple watch to see if Declan’s shift is almost over too. After seeing him during my shift, I know I need to pull on my big girl panties and go over to his place to tell him how I feel before it eats me alive. I have enough time to go home and shower before heading to his place.

As I am walking up his steps to his house, my nerves are bouncing all over me. Feels like my whole body is shaking from being so anxious and I cannot remember the last time I felt this anxious in my life. I wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs of my jeans and then I knock on his door. I only hope he was not getting ready to take a nap as I remember sometimes, he likes to take a nap after a long stressful shift and, based on last night’s shift, I would say so.

I hear him padding to the door and when he opens it, I can feel my heart in my chest drop. He has on the dark jeans which showcase his tree truck thighs with a black Henley shirt which has a slight V-neck where you can see part of his tattoos, the tattoos I would love to run my fingers over. His hair looks like he simply rolled out of bed, and he has let his facial hair grow out with scruff. God, I have to squeeze my thighs together as I can picture his scruff rubbing against my thighs. This is man is too beautiful, it should be illegal. His eyes are wide as he was not expecting me to show up, well neither did I, buddy.

“Hi, Declan. Sorry if this is a bad time, I wanted to know if maybe you had a minute to talk?” I tried to get my voice to not sound so shaky, but fuck it, I am nervous as shit right now.

He leans up against the door frame, crossing his arms against his chest with his bulging biceps stretching in his Henley. He nods and gestures for me to come inside. I walk past him, and I smell his cologne and I seriously only want to melt into his touch like all the other times I have done.

I hear him shut the door behind me and him say, “What did you want to talk about, Evie?”

I am fidgeting with my hands, trying to the right words to say to this man, my Declan.He is not yours anymore, Evie. You let him go, remember?

I take a deep breath and look up. “Umm… I wanted to talk about us.” I wince as I tell say‘Us’

He presses his lips to a thin line and looks up still crossing his arms, when I move my eyes from the ceiling to look at him, he is already glaring at me, “You wanted to come over and talk about ‘us’ when it has been three months, Evie?” I can feel the hurt and coldness in his voice.

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