Page 23 of Slammed Into Inferno

Usually when I am on shift, I spend a lot of time with Luca and with Luca’s family. I have grown very close to his mother as she has become a second mother to me over the last few months. I have seen Luca’s reaction to this round of chemo and how it is starting to affect his body. Ice Cream seems to be the only food item he can stomach or even keep it down. Whatever gets him to eat, no kid wants the feeding tube.

Walking into Luca’s room, I take a deep breath as each time I can see the cancer is slowly taking over his body as he has lost so much weight over the last few weeks.

“So, I had to lie to Debbie the other day on to why there were so many containers of rocky road ice cream in the nurse freezer. I was able to keep her off your trail for a little,” I laugh as I tell him.

Chuckling, “Gosh Debbie is such a nube.”

Throwing my hands up laughing, “I am not even going to ask.”

Luca sits up a little more in his hospital bed and I go to side on the side of his bed, “Guess who came to see me the other day when you were not here?”

Rising my eyebrows at him, “Um, Tom Brady?”

Luca’s eyes get wide as saucers, “I freaking wish it was true. Do not do that to me Evie, gosh, Tom is the Goat, the man, my love,” he pauses before he says, “Nope, it was my other man, well, D-man, or Declan as you call him.”

My eyes go wide and at what Luca just told me. I mean why would Declan come on his day off or when he is not volunteering? Does he do this on a regular basis? Or is he doing this to hurt me? So many things are rushing through my head at Luca’s confession.

“Uhm, Evie are you okay? You look a little pale at what I just told you. Did you not know he came here sometimes on his days off?” Luca asks me timidly.

Clearing my throat, “Umm, no Luca I did not know this at all. Thinking about it more, it does make sense as he mentioned when he came here awhile back, he loves making the kids day brighter.” I smile lightly.

“Yeah, well D- man, that is what I call him as we are bro’s now. We play video games and talk about life. Man, he is so awesome Evie. Did you know Declan was the top firefighter candidate of his graduating class in the academy? He is like a real-life superhero man,” Luca’s face is light up like a kid on Christmas.

Smiling back at him, “No, I did not know that. I am glad you too having been hanging out.” I go to stand up to fish out the medicine I need to give Luca and to flush out his port too.

Luca grabs my hand to squeeze it before saying, “Evie, I know I may be only twelve here but please do not cry too much over me. I know this time I won’t be able to beat the big C. The doctors thought this might work, this kind of chemo. Trust me, me too dude. After speaking with my family, we have come to understand it will most likely be what takes me. So, please do not cry over me, too much. Okay, Evie?”

Trying to hold back the tears, I wipe my face with the sleeve of my fleece jacket, “Well, Luca you are wise beyond your years. I cannot promise I won’t cry too much as you mean so much to me. Let’s think positive here, okay?”

“Okay, Evie. Now, give me the good shit,” wiggling his eyebrows.

Chuckling, I flush his port and push his medicine through his IV to him. Leaving his room after our talk, all I can do is not cry for him and what he is going through and the information he told me on Declan visiting him. How did I not know this information? He never said a word, no one did. Breaks my heart even more as he is seriously the perfect man, and I broke whatever we had. I truly do not deserve to have anyone in my life to feel love. I think taking the traveling nursing job might be good for now.

* * *

I looked forward to coming into work because of the patients I have and my co- workers because I love what I do. However, as of late I have not been wanting to be at work. I cannot stop thinking about Declan and what an asshole I have been, mostly Luca has been getting sicker. This poor boy is only shy of turning thirteen years old and has beaten cancer twice, this time it seems as if he will lose this battle. My heart breaks because Luca will most likely pass away before his thirteenth birthday, and I am not ready to accept any of this for him.

Charting away at the nurse’s station, I hear someone walk up to the desk. I look up to see Mrs. Rossi, Luca’s mom. “Hi Mrs. Rossi, is everything all right with Luca? Does he need anything? Do you need anything?” Asking her cautiously.

She smiles at me. “Oh, no, sweetie. I only came to check on you about how you are doing and how you feel after learning what the doctor had to say about Luca. You and Luca have such a special bond.”

“Uhh...to be honest Mrs. Rossi, not really. He won’t be able to beat cancer this time. I am so angry for him and for you. I am seriously praying by some miracle he can beat this. He should be able to live a full life. It is so unfair.” I did not even realize I was crying at this point until Mrs. Rossi appears around the desk to give me a warm hug I so desperately needed. With everything going on lately with Declan and then to add in Luca, I break down and let all the emotions out I have been keeping in.

“Oh, Evie sweetie. I know how you feel, just sometimes the big man upstairs has bigger aspirations for us, and we cannot fight that. As a family, we have accepted this. As a mother, I have to accept what I am being told and Luca has to. Yes, cancer is one son of a bitch, we will remember what a sweet boy he was and celebrate him every day.” I pull away from her hug to look at Mrs. Rossi, and her eyes glisten with tears.

I give her a faint smile and she says, “I will let you get back to work.” She gives me one last hug and heads back to Luca’s room.

I wipe my face and take a minute before heading back to the desk to finish my charting. The travel job seems better and better… maybe it is what I need, but didn’t I move down here to start over? So, does this time feel more of me running away?

* * *

After the talk with Mrs. Rossi a few days ago, Luca has moved to hospice care, which is not in the hospital. They opted to do hospice care in their home, so when he passes; he is at home and in his bed. Gosh, I am not sure I could handle doing that with any of my family members. I was hoping they would keep him here so we all could be there for Luca, I understand. And Mrs. Rossi promised she would let us know when he goes. Luca was a popular patient and adored by everyone.

It is close to my shift ending when my cellphone rings, and I see it is Mrs. Rossi. I grab Grace’s arm as she is next to me at the nurse’s station. I got to slide the call button to answer, “Hi, Mrs. Rossi. Is everything okay?” I am holding my breath

“Hi, Evie… Sweetie. Luca has passed. He is no longer in pain. I am so sorry to call you and tell you this, I know you wanted to know, sweetheart.” She is sniffing into the phone, and you can tell she is trying her best to hold back her tears.

The tears fall down my face, and I look at Grace, who is crying as well. “Mrs. Rossi, I am so sorry. Oh, my gosh--” I am at a loss for words.

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