Page 113 of In Knots

Chapter 30

Inever really imagined my wedding day before. I didn’t believe the day would ever happen. That I would ever find an alpha that I would want to marry, I would want to commit my whole life to.

But if I had ever considered it for one moment, this is not what I would have imagined. I guess if I had ever given it a passing thought, the image in my mind would have been one of a happy day. Because of course, I’d be marrying a man I loved. I would be so jubilant, my smile radiating, my scent blooming, and everyone around me happy too.

Today I am not happy. I am miserable. More miserable than I have ever been in my whole life.

I thought I was miserable before. Lonely, bored, misunderstood. That had been a passive gnawing feeling. Something I could easily forget if I tried hard enough. The feeling on my wedding day is entirely different. All-consuming, overpowering, drowning. It stops me from breathing. Guts me from the inside. Leaves me nothing but a shell.

Yes, that is what I am today. A shell, something they can paint up as the perfect omega. The perfect omega bride. Perfect omega wife.

My mother wakes me in the morning with false cheeriness. Throwing back the curtains and declaring it another glorious summer’s day.

“It’s good luck to have sunshine on your wedding day,” she says.

“I thought that was rain,” I say

“Well,” she mutters, “nonetheless this will be a wonderful day. I can feel it in my bones. Everything will be fine, Alexa. You will come to love this alpha, I know you will. He will be good to you and will give you a secure life. And if we are lucky, maybe children.”

I grimace at the thought, sliding lower in the bed and drawing the covers up to my chin. My mother strides towards me, grabbing a handful of the sheet, and yanking it away.

“Come on,” she says. “Rise and shine. We need you looking beautiful. Jump in the shower and by the time you’re out, Sadie will be here to do your make-up and your hair.” She straightens strands away from my face and pats my cheek. She seems determined to pretend that this is the wedding day she has been dreaming of for as long as I can remember. She will pretend that everything is fine and that this is perfectly normal. “Are you hungry, darling?”

“No,” I mumble. I realise in my bid to try and call this whole thing off, I have no idea what is happening today. Who will be there? Where is this wedding even happening? They’ve told me nothing. Probably because they think the less I know, the better. Less chance I can ruin the whole thing. “Who’s coming?”

“To the wedding?” My mother laughs, but it dies away on her lips, and I realise perhaps this won’t be the wedding that she wanted after all. “Just a few members of the family, close friends. Same on Simon’s side. We had to arrange everything in a hurry so …”

Yes, I wonder what people are saying about all this. What must my friends think? “What have you told everyone?”

“That you were both desperate to get married quickly. Everybody understands how it is between alphas and omegas. We promised a big party in the future to make up for it. But for now, it’ll just be an intimate wedding.”

“Where?” I press her.

Her eyes shift uneasily towards the window. She doesn’t answer my question.

“Mother?” I ask.

“I really think you ought to try and eat something, darling,” she says. “You’ll faint if you don’t eat. I’ll go and ask Janet to make you some pancakes. You always liked pancakes when you were a little girl. Remember? Chef Daniel used to make you them when you came home from school every day. You were practically addicted to the things.” But then she banned them. Worried they’d ruin my figure. She hurries away to the door before I can ask any more questions. “Into the shower, Alexa,” she says from the door. “We mustn’t be late for Daddy. Or Simon.”

In the shower, I turn the water as cold as I can bear it so that it stings my eyes and my skin, until I’m shaking with the cold and my lips are blue. Then I yank the water off, wrap myself in a towel and tell my reflection in the mirror, “that’s all, Alexa.” That’s all the wallowing I will allow myself today. I will put on a brave face, and I will be the bride my father wants because what choice do I have? If I fail, if I enrage him, I know he will take that rage out on the pack.

When I step out into my bedroom, I find Sadie already there, waiting with his suitcase of makeup, hair products, brushes and curling tongs.

“Ahhh,” he gushes. “There she is, the bride!” He claps his hands together and bounces up and down on his toes. “And where are the bridesmaids? Where is the champagne? Am I too early?”

“Oh.” I grab my dressing gown from the hook and wrap it around my body, tying the belt at the front and slipping into the seat in front of my dressing table. “I … I don’t think there are any bridesmaids.”

He cocks his head to one side and looks at me. “You don’t think so?”

“My mother’s done most of the organising and it’s all been quite quick.”

Sadie laughs as he pumps moisturiser onto a cotton bud. “You don’t say! The last time I was here you were still dating guys. I didn’t think there was anyone on the horizon! But I know these things can happen, you meet a guy, he sweeps you off your feet –”

“No one swept me off my feet,” I mumble as he lifts my chin and smooths the cool liquid across my skin.

“Hmmm. This all sounds very intriguing!” He waggles his eyebrows. “I sense a story here.”

“I … I …” My vision swims as water pools in my eyes.

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