Page 75 of In Knots

“If you change your mind …”

When he’s gone, I try to sit in the shade of the garden and read my book, but the heat is oppressive and I’m forced inside to the cool of the air con, where I snuggle under a blanket and finally drift asleep.

Later, I wake in the early evening to find my phone crowded with messages.

One from Margo reminding me to come a little early to the party to help her prepare.

The others are from the alphas. Dirty messages from Ryan and Buzz, causing images of our night together to race through my mind.

Then one from Cam.

I know what I said was harsh. I’m not always the best with words. You are something special, Alexa, and I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want any of us to get hurt if I’m honest. But we have each other.

I carry my phone and my camera up to the bedroom and climb under the sheets, Claude curling up beside me. The room is full of ghosts now. Of the memories of being with Ryan in here. Even this room feels less snug, less safe without him.

I wriggle down the covers and switch on the camera flicking through picture after picture until the early hours of the morning. One word keeps whispering in my ear as I stare at the images of the four alphas.

Mine.

* * *

My mother gave me instructions yesterday to wear the red swimsuit she bought for me to the pool party. For a swimsuit, it’s pretty respectable and yet it still shows off most of my backside and plenty of cleavage. I can’t help feeling a sense of power in it, Bear’s advice at the front of my mind.

If the alphas saw me in this it would send their scents spiking and their blood heating. I like the idea of that. Like the idea that I am responsible for igniting their desire.

Then I glance down at the scrape on my thigh. I understand it more now. The reason for feeling trapped. This passion, this desire, this need has been trapped inside me for so long battling to escape, trying to rip through my very skin. And now it’s been freed, I feel freer too. More myself than I ever have done my entire life.

I throw a sarong over my shoulders, covering the scar. Nobody at the party will understand all this and I don’t want them asking about it.

As I’m tying the sarong around my waist, my phone rings. Buzz.

“What you doing, Baby? Are your parents back?”

“No, they’re still away. They’re back tonight.”

“You want to come hang out with us then? We’re going to drive out into the country, go swimming in this lake we found.”

I sigh. That sounds heavenly. A million times better than boring small talk around the pool at Margo’s parents’ house. I could skip it. But Jonathan’s already waiting for me in the car outside and I don’t think I can get away with another disappearance. Besides which, my mother has made it clear I need to go.

“I can’t, I have to go to this pool party thing.”

“Have to?” he says with amusement in his voice.

“My mum wants me to go.”

“Do you want to go?”

“Not really.”

I hear the clang of metal in the background. “Life’s too short to go to parties you don’t want to.”

“Yes, but Margo is my friend and I promised I’d come.”

“It’s a shame, Omega, we had plans for you today.”

I whimper a little and he chuckles. “I’ll try to come and see you soon,” I say, flopping on the bed and reaching down to fasten the buckle on my sandals, the phone wedged between my ear and my shoulder.

“That doesn’t sound very satisfactory.”

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