Page 76 of In Knots

He hangs up and I don’t know if he is annoyed with me or not.

Jonathan beeps the horn from the driveway, and it takes everything inside myself to pick up my bag and walk out the room.

Buzz doesn’t understand what he’s asking me to do. Perhaps Cam does. But neither of them are offering me anything in return. What does he want me to do? Blow up my life? It’s not like he’s offered me another in its place? There have been no real words of promise, no commitments between us. And why should there have been? This is all so new.

But I’m risking everything every time I sneak off to see them. It isn’t as easy as he thinks.

Margo is in a frenzy when I arrive, ordering waiting staff about, and arguing with the florist who has placed all the flowers in the shade.

“Who’s coming?” I ask as I trail behind her.

“Oh, you know, the usual lot. Miranda and Cynthia. Claudia may be coming with her new boyfriend Chaz, and Giles is bringing a new omega he met in Florence. Then there’s a few of the girls from the club, a couple of the girls from our class and a few of Henry’s friends.” She halts a passing teenage waiter with a tray full of snacks. “No, no no,” she says, flapping her hands about. “I said I don’t want those out until later. Circulate them when everyone is here.” The waiter slinks away and she lets out a frustrated huff. “No one listens to instructions anymore.” She catches sight of herself in a mirror and readjusts the curled tendrils of hair arranged around her face, then she catches my eye. “You look nice today. All … rosy cheeked?”

I hold my palm up to my face. “Really?”

“Is it love?” she asks, nudging me with her elbow.

“No, a new blusher,” I say flatly. I had to do my own makeup today, doing my best to cover the fading bruise on my forehead. It means I won’t be able to get in the water in case it washes off. But I doubt anyone will be swimming anyway. Most of these parties involve gossiping, posing, and drinking. I peer at my watch, calculating how long before I can leave. Perhaps if I could escape early, I could catch up with the pack after all.

“Come on,” she says, grabbing my hand. “I positioned two sun loungers for us in the best place. It means we can see everyone coming and going. Do you think Mandy will wear that awful green swimsuit again?” She mimes vomiting and laughs.

The next few hours pass with the two of us laid out on the loungers, cocktails ferried back and forth as guests arrive and stop to pay homage to the host. Henry arrives and Margo scoots forward on her seat allowing him to tuck behind her, and I see already how they are operating like a married couple, like the owners of this mansion.

I listen to the gossip that passes backward and forward, stories warping in shape and colour with every retelling.

I talk to an old friend, Sophia, a few years older than me. We were at school together, but then I presented as an omega and she as a beta, and while I was shipped off to the nearest finishing school, she got accepted to study science at one of the elite colleges in the city. We haven’t crossed paths much since then.

She tells me of her plans for after graduation, of how she hopes to travel around the world, before moving to Europe to work on the Hadron Collider.

“How about you, Alexa?”

I think about how much I’d like to see more of the world. I think about my camera and my photos, I think about the pack.

“I don’t think I’m as organised as you, Sophia. I don’t have it all worked out yet.”

“Well, that’s exciting, isn’t it? Your options are endless.”

“You really think that?” I ask with a frown which Sophia meets with one of her own.

“Yeah, why not?”

I lean a little closer. “Most people are expecting me to choose a mate and settle down.”

“Fuck most people,” Sophia scoffs. “Most people told me I couldn’t study physics. Most people are idiots.”

I laugh.

Then I catch a whiff of that unpleasant scent in the air.

My spine stiffens. Goosebumps crawl across my flesh. The ice in my glass rattles.

“Are you OK?” Sophia asks.

I peer over my shoulder to the house. Could I scurry away now and not be seen?

Too late.

“Ladies,” Simon beams down at us, his back to the sun, his face in shadow.

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