Her eyes widen. To my relief, she says, “I’ve missed you, too.”
“I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am for how I behaved. You deserved so much better than that.”
“Yeah, I did,” she agrees.
“I’ve taken some time to work on myself. I’ve been seeing a therapist regularly.”
“That’s great, Hudson. I’m so proud of you.” Her face lights up with a true smile. The first one she’s given me since she found me on the bench.
I pause. I don’t know if I should say this, but it might be my only chance, so I’ve got to. “I’m still in love with you, Quinn.”
“Hudson. . .”
“No, please, just let me get this out.” She nods for me to continue. “Even after a year, you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. It kills me that I can’t talk to you about your day, and I can’t tell you about mine. I want to share my life with you. I know I fucked up and said horrible things to you. I’ve regretted it every day since you walked out of my house. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room because I can’t stand being in my room anymore. I truly thought I was doing what was best for you, but I’m an idiot and went about it the wrong way. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling instead of shutting you out. I had no right to make that kind of decision without talking to you about it. So, I’ll tell you I’m sorry again. I know it’s not enough. But I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you every day for the rest of our lives. I’ll prove that I can be the man you deserve.”
When I finish, I realize I’m breathing heavily, and my hands are clammy. She has no idea the effect she has on me. She’s changed my entire life and shown me true kindness and strength. Things I didn’t know I needed until they were taken away from me.
She puts her hand on top of mine and gives it a gentle squeeze, which sends a spark of hope right to my heart.
“Hudson. . . I don’t know what to say.”
“Say anything.”
She studies my face, debating what to say. “I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll hurt me again, and I don’t think my heart can take it.”
“I know. But I promise it’ll never happen again. You’re my family, Quinn. You’re my best friend. You’re my everything. I want us to be together. I’ll do whatever it takes. I want you, and I hope to God you want me too.”
“You were the first man I let into my life after Kyle passed. I blindly gave you my heart and my trust, and you crushed me. I don’t need someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself. I want a partner who respects me and works through difficult situations together. I’ll never be able to forget the things you said to me that night. I watched you rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it right in front of me. You made me believe that everything we shared was a lie. How am I ever supposed to trust you again?”
“Fuck,” I whisper, my head falling into my hands. “I know. You have no reason to trust me. I’m not going to sit here and spout off a promise that I’ll never do anything stupid again because I’m sure I will.” I look back to her. “I’m never going to be the ‘perfect man.’ But I want to be perfectly imperfect with you. I’m not expecting you to hand your heart back to me easily. Youshouldmake me work for it. I want to show you I can be the partner you want. The partner you deserve. We were friends before we were anything else. We can start over and be friends again. We can take things slow or. . . not at all if that’s what you want. I’m handing you my heart now, and I’ll let you do with it whatever you want. Whatever you need to do with it. You can tell me to leave right now, and I’ll do it. I want to be with you so bad, but more importantly, I want you to be happy. If that happiness doesn’t include me, then I’ll go, and you’ll never have to see me again.”
I watch her throat bob as she swallows. “Hudson?”
“Yes?” My voice is shaky and unsettled.
“Kiss me.”