Page 145 of The Nanny and the Heartthrob

He twisted a lock of her hair between his fingers. “I haven’t been able to make music without Trey and Leighton. That’s my truth. That’s what keeps me up at night. It’s what eats at my soul.”

Those very words cycled through his mind like an album set on repeat. But he’d never said them aloud, never admitted the truth to anyone. A roaring torrent of angst tempered by an unusual sense of relief churned inside him.

Harper slid her hands down his abdomen, then wrapped her arms around his waist. He drew her into an embrace and held on to her like she was the only thing keeping him afloat.

Maybe she was.

But there was more, and he couldn’t hold back now.

“I was a real ass to them,” he confessed.

“To Leighton and Trey?”

“Yes, and I can never take back what I said.”

He was venturing into uncharted territory, but in this cozy kitchen with Harper in his arms and Aria sleeping peacefully upstairs, the pain of his past didn’t sting quite as much.

Harper traced lazy circles on his back. “Musicians have disagreements. Even my grandparents, who were crazy about each other, would get into it, especially when it came to music. When they were working on a piece, they’d go into the soundproof practice room in the basement and be there for hours.”

What he wouldn’t give for it to have been a quibble over a refrain or a dispute about lyrics.

“This wasn’t a disagreement. It cut deeper.” He exhaled a heavy breath. “At first, I was fine with them taking time off to raise Aria. We went from being a garage band to playing sold-out shows across the globe within a matter of months. We needed a break. But one year became two, then three, then four. I was playing shows on my own, but it had lost the magic. When they told me they were leaving Aria with Tomás and Bess to take a trip, it sent me over the edge. Trey had gotten his pilot’s license, and they’d bought a little Cessna. Looking back, I shouldn’t have cared about them taking a few more days off. But it felt like another delay, another weight on my shoulders to continue to carry the band and keep promoting our music. I decided to confront them and made sure to be there when they dropped off Aria. I waited until she was inside with my foster parents, and then I went off on them.”

Concern marred Harper’s expression. “What did you say?”

He could still recall the chill in the mountain air and the fire burning through his veins as he raged at his sister and best friend.

“I told them I thought they were selfish. I said I was keeping the band alive and that they owed it to me to get back to work. Leighton kept saying they’d start the next album after she and Trey returned from their trip. She begged me to believe her. Trey said they were ready to collaborate, but they wanted a little time to themselves. I should have been elated, but I wasn’t. I don’t even think I was mad at them. I was mad at myself for not being able to do it on my own. I hated that I needed them.”

“What happened after they left? Were you able to work it out?”

He pulled her in closer. “I stayed up at my parents’ place that night to help with Aria. I’d been a shit uncle and hadn’t spent much time with her. I was still living in LA and commuting back and forth, but that’s no excuse. That night, Aria and I made up the ABC song and played piano until way past her bedtime. And then I got it. I understood why they wanted uninterrupted time with her. She’s amazing, Harper. That voice, that talent.”

“Yeah, I noticed it, too. She’s got perfect pitch. She’s quite a kid.”

He couldn’t help but smile, thinking back on the joyful night and how he’d thought everything would be okay in the morning. “I tucked Aria into bed. She asked me to sing her a lullaby, then conked out halfway through our made-up ABC song. And then I watched her sleep and worked out what I needed to say to apologize to Trey and my sister. But I never got the chance. They were already gone.”

“Landon, that was the plane crash?” Harper asked softly.

He could see the headline.

Pop Sensations Perish in Plane Crash Caused by Inclement Weather over the Rocky Mountains.

“I can’t take back what I said to them, and I can’t tell them how much they meant to me. I owe it to my sister and my best friend to give Aria a good life. I owe it to them to make the kind of music that honors their legacy and shows the world that Heartthrob Warfare is more than bubblegum pop. But I don’t know how I’ll do it. With Trey and Leighton, it clicked. And I’m running out of time.”

He tensed. Had he said too much?

Nobody knew about the fight he’d had with Trey and Leighton. He hadn’t even told Mitzi they’d quarreled, but Harper had cracked him open and peeled back the layers with nothing but a dare.

Maybe it was her chameleon eyes drawing him in or the genuine concern etched on her face, but he wanted, no, he needed to put the pain he’d carried into words.

“I made them a promise at their funeral. I told them I’d write the music we wanted to get back to. I’d figure out a way to do it for them and for Aria. But after their death, everything fell apart. As hard as I’ve tried, I can’t even come up with a decent melody or a single refrain. And worse than that, Aria stopped singing and started hating me.”

Harper continued tracing soothing circles on his back. “I don’t think she hates you. Sometimes, it’s easier to be mad than sad. I know that’s true for me.”

That made a hell of a lot of sense. He’d had the same reaction. But it had come at a price. Allowing anger and bitterness to touch every aspect of his life had changed his relationship with music. It had gone from being his greatest passion to an invisible prison.

“How do I change course? How do I fix it?”

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