Page 45 of Playing the Scoundrel

Chapter Nineteen

Emma sat contentedly, listening to the beautiful orchestral music that filled the Argyll Rooms. Though wildly popular and plenty fashionable, the location did not hold as much luster and allurement as the opera house. She didn’t want to admit that it had anything to do with Mr. Godwin and their moments alone in the balcony boxes, but as she and Mrs. Dunn were currently accompanied by Mr. Bernard instead, she could determine that was the only difference.

Which was a factor she could not understand. Mrs. Dunn had pointed this man out as her goal for the season. If she wanted a successful season that ended in a happy match, then Mr. Bernard was the bottom line. So why was her gaze continuously drawn to the rafters, as the music grew and swelled, allowing her a moment to close her eyes and remember what it felt like when Henry had taken her in his arms and covered her lips with his…

She wanted to believe that his kiss would be the same as any man’s, but given his history with women as a rake, perhaps it granted him a secret knowledge of how to make a woman go weak in the knees. And what was more, she couldn’t imagine Mr. Bernard sneaking off to seduce her and beg for a kiss in the dark, let alone kissing her in a way that would leave her wanting more.

He had barely even looked at her the entire evening. Granted, they were sitting side by side, but to not lean over and whisper how he enjoyed being there with her, to not even try to take her hand? Perhaps he was too much a gentleman to attempt, but it was hard to feel anything for a man who remained so still and silent.

The song ended with a grand flourish, and the crowd erupted in applause, which woke Mrs. Dunn from her nap with a snort before she joined in clapping. The conductor turned and bowed to the audience, but it was just an intermission, so Emma decided to take the opportunity to earn some favor with Mr. Bernard.

“Wasn’t that a beautiful number?” she asked, leaning toward him.

He looked over almost as if in surprise. “Indeed.”

“Thank you again for the invitation this evening. It’s been an incredible experience.”

Mr. Bernard smiled softly. “It was my pleasure.”

“And are you enjoying yourself thus far? Is the program to your liking?”

He nodded slowly. “I am enjoying the program very much. Though I was worried you might not be.”

“Me?” Emma pressed a gloved hand to her chest. “Whatever gave you that idea?”

“You just seemed distracted or preoccupied somehow. As though you were thinking of being somewhere else… or withsomeoneelse.”

Emma had to look away from his scrutinizing gaze. She willed her cheeks not to burn, for he’d read her clearly enough. And not only that, but Emma could also feel Mrs. Dunn’s gaze from her other side, no doubt listening intently to the sudden turn of conversation.

In desperation, Emma put on a sweet smile. “This evening is everything it could have afforded. I would not wish to be here with anyone else.” And hoping it wasn’t a step too far beyond propriety, she placed her hand gently on his arm.

He looked down to where she’d touched him, a pleasant smile taking over his features. Then he covered her hand with his and squeezed her fingers. “I am glad to hear it. I’d heard rumors you might have begun to prefer the company of another gentleman.”

Any color that had previously heated Emma’s face suddenly drained away, leaving her feeling nearly sick. “Rumors? What kind of rumors?”

“Only that you had been seen with another man in the churchyard at St. James’s.”

“I see.” He held her hand in his now, rubbing his thumb across the back of her fingers. It should have had a calming effect, but instead it only made her more anxious, as his eyes were clearly imploring her for an explanation of some kind. Had he shared his concerns a mere month prior, she would have had a ready response. But after the kisses she’d shared with Mr. Godwin, and the contrition she’d seen in him since her rebuke, it made her slower to answer.

Clearing her breath, Emma lifted her chin. “I believe that would be Mr. Godwin. He’s a friend of Mrs. Dunn’s and I did not intend to show any more preference to him than any other man. I only wished to not give offense to my patroness, who has been so kind to bring me with her to London, and who made my introduction to you possible.”

The worry in Mr. Bernard’s eyes eased. “I am most grateful to Mrs. Dunn. And of course, I would not expect you to be unkind to a friend of hers.” He paused, as if contemplating his next words carefully. “Only, my concern…” He leaned forward, and Emma held her breath. “I’ve heard tell this Mr. Godwin is a bit of a scoundrel, not to be trusted with young ladies.”

Emma wanted to fight him on it. She wanted to stand up for Mr. Godwin, for hadn’t Mrs. Dunn said he was no danger to an innocent like herself? She might not have much to support her belief than his appearance at church and the flowers of repentance he’d brought, but he seemed to be turning over a new leaf. Would Mr. Bernard simply believe the idle gossip, instead of the man who was beginning to change his ways? But she couldn’t speak a word in his favor, else Mr. Bernard would question further. So she simply gave him the most encouraging smile she possessed.

“I don’t judge who Mrs. Dunn keeps in company, but to me, I promise this gentleman is merely a friend, nothing more.”

It felt a lie on her lips, adding to the lie about her sister. But it was true, wasn’t it? Mr. Godwin could be her friend and nothing more. He would be lucky to have that.

Mr. Bernard nodded and accepted her answer, but the lie burned on Emma’s tongue worse than any embarrassment on her cheeks.

The intermission ended, the music continuing on for the remainder of the evening, but Emma found she was even more distracted than before. It was difficult to sort her thoughts and feelings for the two gentlemen. Mr. Bernard’s touch did nothing to incite affection, but she felt obligated to pursue him. And Mr. Godwin was hardly her friend at all, and he was the only one who seemed to understand her, appreciate her, or truly desire her. How was one to reconcile such a predicament?

Once the concert had ended, Mr. Bernard led Emma and Mrs. Dunn out the doors, saw their carriage called, and bid them goodnight. Emma wished she could have given him a cheerier farewell, but she was so lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t even realize Mrs. Dunn was in the carriage with her until they were nearly all the way back to the townhouse.

“Why so forlorn?”

Emma jerked up. “I’m not forlorn. Only pensive.”

---