Page 65 of Playing the Scoundrel

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Once she had changed into her favorite green afternoon dress, it was only after they had been seated into the open carriage that she realized it was her favorite because it was one Henry had complimented her on. Or perhaps it was because it matched the color of his eyes.

Perhaps she needed to consider donating the dress to the less fortunate.

It was a beautiful day, for which Emma was grateful, and she found the sunlight did brighten her mood. Once they crossed onto the property of Hyde Park, Emma held her chin high, determined not to acknowledge any crude stares or whispered gossip.

But as the coachman drove on, Emma discovered no one seemed to notice. People smiled in passing, gentlemen tipping their hats and ladies waving to Mrs. Dunn. Emma assumed it was simply because it was too soon for word to get around about her failed relationship with Mr. Bernard, but it was nice to think that it might not matter as much as she had worried.

They found Mrs. Dunn’s friends on the lawn with a spread of food and drink, which Emma should have eagerly consumed, for she had not eaten much of late, but she still lacked any hunger. She tried to be sociable but found she had little to add to the conversation and decided to excuse herself for a walk around the Serpentine. She wanted some time alone with her thoughts after everything that had happened and everything they’d discussed. Emma tried to stay within view of the picnic, but let her feet lead her blindly around the lake as she rested her eyes on the water, watching swans glide across…

Then she saw him, and it wrenched her heart from her chest. Henry stood by the water’s edge, the same place she’d found him before. His back was facing her, but Emma would recognize that long hair anywhere. She did not want to see him or speak to him, but she felt it only right that she give him a proper goodbye if she really was to leave. He could visit Mrs. Dunn if he wished, but he would never see her again.

Emma took a deep breath before walking across the grass to him. When he looked up at her and narrowed his green eyes, Emma stopped in her tracks.

Henry was crying. Hiding himself in the trees near the water’s edge, his eyes were rimmed in red just as hers had been not a half hour earlier. His jacket hung on a nearby branch, waistcoat unbuttoned, and long hair completely mussed. He looked miserable. It made her want to reach out to him, to hold him, to forgive him, to beg for her own forgiveness, but she couldn’t allow it. Could she?

“You shouldn’t be here,” Henry said. “Surely your social standing will suffer after being seen in my company.”

“Stop it, Henry.” Emma could feel a rise of anger, so she took a deep breath to settle it. “I did not come to quarrel with you. I came to say goodbye.”

He shook his head. “No need. You’ve already made your feelings very clear.”

Emma stormed over to him, unable to control her anger now. “What can you possibly have to shed tears over?”

Henry did not meet her gaze, nor did he give an immediate answer. After a long moment, he finally found words in a small voice. “You’ve ruined me.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Please. Your reputation will survive one minor setback.”

“I was a rake, Emma. I don’t give a damn what people say about me.” His green eyes brimmed with newly formed tears, which tore at her heart even more and left her silent as he continued. “When I say you’ve ruined me, I meant for anyone else. This heart,” he pressed a hand to his chest, “will never love another, because it is owned by you. Perhaps broken by you one too many times, but it will always be yours.”

Emma felt a burn in her eyes and a frown pulling at her lips, but she willed it away. “Don’t be so dramatic. And what did you mean about ‘was a rake’ anyway?”

“That’s what I was coming over to tell you before you sent me away. You wanted one less rake on the streets, so I wanted to congratulate you on the victory. Your plan to change me was successful, as I have no more desire to dally my way through London. I was ready to give up everything to be with you.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but had no words, so he went on. “And it’s not dramatics. You've broken me down to a mere cusp of a man, a simpering fool who is waiting on bated breath for any word from you.” His hands reached out gently taking hold of hers. “I would do anything for you, Emma. Just say the word and I’ll jump in the Serpentine this very minute. I would run away to Italy and join a convent if you asked me to.”

Emma shook her head, trying to fend off a smile. “You’re not Catholic, Henry.”

He shrugged. “I don’t care. That’s how completely you’ve changed me.” He took a step closer, and Emma held her breath.

“I still love you, even though you hurt me. Even though––”

The ache in his voice filled Emma with shame, and she had to look away.

“Maybe I did deserve it, but you acted first. And you were right. After you rejected me, I desired revenge, just like you did. But I gave that up because I no longer wanted to see you hurt the way you had hurt me. I wanted you to be happy, especially if that meant there was a chance you could be happy with me.”

His fingers interlocked with her own, making Emma catch her breath.

“You were ready to say yes to me before Bernard bungled everything. We were both ready, wanting to be together. Why can’t we be now?”

His hand moved to press against her cheek, and she wanted to lean into his touch, but Emma shook her head and took a step back. “Henry, no! That is not how relationships should be, so dramatic all the time.”

“I wouldn’t say dramatic.” A small smile turned his lips upward. “I would say… lively. Intense. Passionate.” Then he brought her hands to his lips, his green eyes were dazzling her now, breaking down her defenses. “You and I are passionate people. We don’t have financial or social class keeping us apart. If we love each other, I believe nothing should keep us from being together.”

Emma shook her head. “But you can’t just say one thing and do another, and then expect me to go along with it every time.”

“So you’re the only one that can change her mind?” Henry dared. “You can reject me once and then come back when you’re ready, but when I’m hurt and seeking justice for your actions, I can’t change my mind because I’m in love with you?”

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