Page 1 of Something More

Chapter One

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Payton

I push the door to my room shut and lean against it. The burn of tears prick the corners of my eyes and make me realize that nothing is going to stave off the rush of misery taking me over. Today is supposed to be one of the key highlights of my life - the day I turn eighteen. I've waited on this day for what feels like forever. Since I was eight or nine at least. That was the year I remember telling Ford Langston I was going to marry him.

I didn't even really understand what that meant fully then. I do now. And all it brings me is misery. The memory hurts my heart. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad if Ford was with me, if he were on board with this whole marriage thing. But ever since he left the island to go through the Academy, he's been different somehow; distant.

I think he's met someone. I can see how having a younger girlfriend isn't always the most fun. It’s not like when he turned eighteen, we could run off and marry and start living our lives. Is it wrong of me to think he would wait on me? Was I asking for too much? All my life all I've wanted is Ford, what will I do if it’s not meant to be?

I knew the first day I went to kindergarten and saw Ford playing on the playground during lunch that he was it for me. I left Hadden, marched over to the tow-headed boy hanging upside down from the monkey bars, and informed him that he was my boyfriend now and couldn't hold hands with any other girl because we were 'an item'. I'll never be sure why he didn't laugh at me that day. A lot of other boys would have. Instead, Ford jumped down off the play equipment, looked me up and down, and then nodded and walked off with me. I didn't find out he was eight until later.

After that day he always met me on the playground during lunch and waited for me after school to walk me home. He was even nice to Hadden which was very important to me because twins are close and me and Hadden are closer than any twins ever. I swear that girl can tell what I'm thinking before I even put it into words sometimes.

My mom thought it was cute puppy love, and that I would grow out of it. I never did. Did Ford? He moved back to the island a year ago and just recently took the job of Deputy not six months ago. Since he's moved back he's not been the same. He's distant and even cold sometimes. It's not the Ford I'm used to and I don't like it.

What am I going to do if he's met someone? If he wants to move away and start a life with them? How will I fill this hole he will leave in my chest where my heart used to be? Or worse, I fight down a massive lump in my throat at the very thought, what if he brings the girl here? To my island? I'll have to leave. There is no way I could go through life seeing him do all the things I pictured us doing with some other girl. Just the thought makes me want to tear the house down and at the same time fall into a lump of nothing but sobs and tears.

The doorknob shakes and for a half second hope flares up in my heart that maybe Ford followed me to find out what is wrong. My sister's voice dumps cold water on the last remaining flame I have for me and Ford.

"Are you in the room? With the door locked?"

Yeah, it's weird that we lock each other out. I don't think there has actually been a time I've locked Hadden out - literally or figuratively. She's always been right by my side. It’s always been the three of us right from the very beginning - Hadden, me and Ford. I'm not going to start now. I flip the lock and stand back.

I don't even try to hide the fact that I've been crying my eyes out from her. She would just be able to tell I was lying anyway.

"Men are assholes, Payton. Don't let it get to you. He's probably just on his man period or something -God knows if it's like women and they have them at the same time with the people they are around then he's been on it for a while considering the Sheriff is constantly on his."

I give her a wobbly smile but I can tell she’s not buying my attempt. I go over to the twin bed that has the pretty purple and pink comforter on it and throw myself sideways. In no time Hadden slips onto the other side of the bed and lifts my head up so it ends up in her lap. She plays with my hair and doesn't say a thing. It’s just what I need.

"I think of all the firsts we have had together - first kisses, first love, first make-out sessions - all the time and energy I put into loving him...how can anyone just throw that away? How can someone just turn their back on all of that the first chance he gets? As soon as he leaves the island?"

She doesn't reply. It wasn't a group of questions that need an answer and somehow Hadden realizes that. She tries to act all badass around everyone else but around me, she drops that shit act and becomes my best friend, my closest confidant, my other half really.

"Who knows what he's been doing for the past couple of years when he lived off the island? He could have been whoring it up while keeping me on the hook - the back burner just in case that girl didn't work out for him."

This time I do want her to say something. I want her to tell me I'm crazy and that Ford really does love just me. That he’s not that stupid.

"So you want to get back at him?"

Not what I want but maybe it's what I need.

The memory of the time I walked up to Ford and demanded that he marry me when we were old enough to marry takes front and center. I was nine and he was twelve. I had been thinking about it, dreaming about it for well over a year.

Hadden had tried to make me wait. She was telling me not to push him, that men don't like to be pushed down the aisle. I told her I knew what was best for me and Ford and he understood that. We’d been going back and forth for weeks and finally, I just did it. I waited until he came to walk us home from school the way he always did and then I told him that as soon as I was eighteen we were getting married and he should tell me if he wanted anything special to happen on that day.

He just looked at me and nodded. Like he always does. Hadden was hanging a little way back face palming the entire time.

I don't know, maybe she was right. Maybe she is right about all of it. Maybe guys are dicks and I did do the wrong thing by trying 'to push Ford down the aisle'. If she was right about all of that maybe, just maybe, she's right about how I need to make things better. Maybe I do need to find a way to get back at Ford. Especially if he's been with another woman. I've saved myself for him and he was supposed to do the same. So if he didn't...well, fuck him!

Fuck Ford!

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