Page 23 of Melt for Me (The Last Snow of the Season 1)

Chapter Fifteen

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Milly

I can't believe what just happened! I needed some alone time. Time to think about what happened last night. Not the murder but the other thing. Time to wonder how I let myself go so far with someone who is little more than a stranger to me but someone who feels so...familiar. And then that someone walks in and shatters my illusions of familiarity. He all but accused me of being a whore. Someone who doesn't mind if she has a weekend fuck and then never sees the person again.

"Are you alright, Milly?"

I nod. I don't want to talk. I'm afraid if I do, I'll just start crying. Why did Jag...do the things he did to me? At first, I thought it was because he thought of me as a sister and wanted to take care of me, protect me. Now I'm sure that he's not looking at me as a sister but why be so...caring one moment and such an ass the next? Why play with someone?

I realize I don't know Jag at all. I know he's friends with Charlie and Charlie is a good man. That doesn't make Jag one by default. What makes it hurt so bad is the fact that he's right. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't stop and think things through when I was with him. I didn't question his motives for being with me. I guess he's right about me being so stupid too, even if he didn't really say I was stupid just that I was acting that way.

I walk to the bookshelf and start looking through books. It was what I was doing before Jag came in and all the shouting started. I needed to clear my head. I pull one and read a little but put it back in the end. Over time I've pulled down eight books and haven't really paid attention to anything I've read from any of them. They could have been fucking cookbooks for all I can remember.

I eventually settle on a familiar story and hope that it offers me the comfort I won't be finding in Jag's arms ever again. I pull out the copy of Jane Eyre and behind it, something comes with it and floats to the ground. I pick up the paper that fell but before I have a chance to look at it one of the girls from the bunkbed room comes in. I think her name is Krissy.

She spots me and looks a little stunned. Maybe she was coming in here to get away from everyone too.

"Are you looking for a book?"

She gives me a nod. "Yes. I'm sorry. I didn’t know anyone was in here. What..?"

"We can leave if you want us to?" She turns to Rani when she speaks, "But it's probably safer to stay together."

"If you don't mind, will you two wait on me?"

Both of us give her a nod as she goes to the bookcases. Before she can pick out a book someone else is busting through the door and telling us all that Rumer and Mark not only got to town safely, but they've returned with the police and the coroner. The next two hours are a whirlwind of answering questions, packing, and getting ready to leave the mountain.

I don't have a clue how I ended up stuck in the jeep with Jag yet again, but it’s the most uncomfortable ride of my life. Thank God Rumer and Mark came with us. Unfortunately, we dropped them off first and I'm stuck having to tell Jag where I live. He waited until we pulled into the parking lot of the apartment building before he tried to talk to me though.

"Listen, about this afternoon...,"

"It's getting dark, you should head on home. Thank you for the ride." Yeah, the last thing I want is to be reminded of that fight in the library. "I wouldn't want you to have to drive home with ice on the roads."

It's not snowy. As white as it was up on the mountain and as stuck as we thought we were, the town isn't snowy at all. Rainy, yes, but not snowy.

"I was an ass. I shouldn't have...,"

"It's alright. It's okay." I move to open my door, but he stops me with a hand on my wrist.

"It's not alright. I shouldn't have taken my worry out on you like I did." My heart melts. Well, it breaks a little and then melts. Jag isn't really a bad guy. I think most of the guys up at the cabin thought there might be some action going on during the weekend. I mean isn't that what spring break is all about. Getting wild and crazy and fucking. It’s not his fault that he thought that was what I was there for too.

"It really is okay. Both of us were just stressed."

He looks like he doesn't believe me. I make a shaky attempt to go for the door again and even though this time he lets me get out he still hops out with me and runs to meet me before I can bolt off.

"Look," he takes my phone out of my hand, the phone I was clutching in a death grip in my sweaty, cold hands, and starts typing something out on it, "this is my number. If you need anything call me."

I give him an absent nod before bolting. I guess this is better than a dear Jane letter where a spring fling is concerned but I don't expect to see him ever again. Maybe...maybe at Rani and Charlie's wedding but I'm pretty sure he'll not remember me or be there with someone else. How embarrassing would that be - to have someone you slept with show up with a hot date and they can't remember your name and you’re all alone! It's probably better if I never have sex with anyone. It seems awfully messy and horribly painful to your heart.

I torture myself for the rest of what's left of the night thinking about the girl Jag will bring to the wedding. When I fall into sleep my heart is already bruised and I didn’t even get that involved with Jag. Why should my heart hurt so badly at the thought of him with another woman?

The next day I feel strung out because I haven't got enough sleep. My tiny twin bed felt empty, and I know it's because the last three days of sleeping with Jag have ruined me. My mom is concerned and even though I love Rani, I don't want to talk to her. She's just going to ask me about the fight or what happened on our way back to civilization. The entire day is spent mulling over what I could have done differently, what I should have said or how I should have acted, to make everything better.

As the day gives way to the night, it becomes clear that this one will be no better than the last before. I keep seeing Tinsley in her last few minutes of life when I close my eyes. I have bad dreams about her cussing me or telling me I should be next because of how stupid I am. My sleep is fitful when I finally do drift off. It might have something to do with the fact mom had to work over and won't be home until early in the morning. For the first time since I left for the cabin, I’m truly alone. It's kind of sad that this was what I wanted when I got into the fight with Jag, and now that I have it, all I can think about is my time with him. It's like my mind hasn't figured out what it wants. Now it doesn't have an option because Jag is gone, and I am alone. Would I have gone all the way with him? Would I have given him my innocence that I have saved for so long? A small sad part of me thinks maybe I would have. Another part of me knows for sure I would have.

I'm pulled out of a sound sleep when the sound of glass breaking and hitting the linoleum floor in the kitchen echoes through the house. My heart starts pounding in my chest and my body goes into autopilot mode. I jump out of bed and slam my bedroom door, flipping the lock before grabbing my phone in my sweaty hands and hitting the number programmed into my phone. I should call 911 but for some reason, this feels safer.

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