Page 45 of Kayden: The Past
I had nowhere to go. Even though my mother lived nearby, Lisa had made sure to sever that relationship with her craziness months ago. I should’ve known then to run for the hills. I had to be at work tomorrow, and I needed my work clothes from the house. I pulled out of the community and parked my car on the side of the road.Where was I going to go? What was I going to do?
The alcohol coursed through my veins and clouded my judgment. Lisa knew the consequences when she placed that call. She knew I’d be in a panic with no alternatives. I had to find a way into the community. She was vindictive and cruel. She never played fair. Fuck it, two could play at that game. It was my fucking house, too.
If I hadn’t been drinking, the following events would have never occurred. My relationship with Lisa would’ve ended either way. We were doomed from the beginning. We probably would’ve had a huge argument, and I would have moved out. The events that transpired were solely my fault, and the alcohol just helped make it seem like a great idea. I was a big fucking dummy and should have known the disaster I was about to bring down on myself.
I snuck into the housing development and knocked on the door of our house, but no one answered. I used the key in my pocket to unlock the front door.
I walked through the hallway and turned on the lights in various rooms, looking at all our things, things I bought or she stole. I started thinking about all of the money, sweat, and tears I poured into our relationship and the home we made together. My anger increased, and my mind raced.
I should’ve grabbed my work clothes and left. Would I have done any of this sober? I’d like to think not. I may have used my key to get in the house, but what I did next, I wouldn’t have done without liquid courage.
Alcohol is a funny thing that way. It’s like a little voice inside your head that tells you to do it—don’t worry, it’ll be okay. It’s the greatest traitor and my biggest seducer.
I wanted to break her things, make tears come to her eyes when she walked in. I started grabbing items off the bookcase, the coffee table, and the dining room hutch. I wanted to crush her the only way I knew how.
At what point did I snap? Looking back, I’m not sure. I’d been so controlled and excluded from other people in my life… She’d played the last head game with me. There’d be no going back after this, and I didn’t give a fuck.
I couldn’t stop myself. She was throwing me away over hanging out with my friends and a drink…well, maybe three or five. I came here to grab my shit for work and leave, but I got wrapped up in my anger. I wanted her to feel my pain.
I grabbed my work clothes out of the closet and saw hers hanging there, and the temptation was too great. I set my uniform on the bed with my keys and wallet and walked back in the closet. I grabbed as many clothes as I could handle and walked out to the pool. I thought about lighting them on fire in the grill, but I thought that would take too much time. I threw them in the pool, making the bitch have to work to get them back. I closed the sliding door behind me and walked out the front door.
I had become so consumed with my rage and revenge that I walked out of the house without my clothes, wallet, and keys. I didn’t think of it until later. It was my great epic fail, but I didn’t realize it yet.
Alcohol made me stupid. Let’s not forget cruel and angry at times, but in this moment, I realized the main reason I went there—my clothes, I’d left them behind with my keys and wallet. Why didn’t I just leave a sign with my picture and name saying ‘I did it’?
My world would be changed forever,and Lisa would be the one to deliver the final blow.
I sat in the back of the police car and watched as the houses passed by in a blur. I didn’t say a word. What was there to say? I was immediately brought into the processing area of the police station. My fingerprints were taken, clothes removed and replaced, and I was brought into a holding area. I had flashbacks of St. Louis and my brief stint in county jail. I knew I’d have longer to pay for this offense because this was a whopper, and Lisa would be out for blood.
I was brought into a little room for questioning. “Mr. Michaels, you’re being charged with burglary. Remember, you have the right to an attorney.”
“Burglary? I live there. It’s my home.” I sat there and stared at the guy across the table from me.
“You aren’t a legal resident, and you didn’t have permission to enter the property. You’ve destroyed thousands of dollars’ worth of personal property during the break in.”
“I live there. My mail is delivered there, my toothbrush is in the bathroom, and everything I own is in that house. How can you say I’m not a resident?” I tried to keep my body calm even though my voice was rising. “Go inside and look, try the key on my key ring.”
“We’ll look into it, Mr. Michaels. You’ll see the judge in the morning.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure you will.” That was the end of the conversation. They were patronizing me by saying they’d look into it. I knew better. I was up a creek without a paddle in a river of bullshit.
The night crawled as I watched the minutes tick by on the small black and white clock outside my cell. I rested my body on the hard bed, but my mind raced… I needed to figure out a way to make her happy, and maybe she would take me back—I wanted her to drop the charges. It would be my only way out of this nightmare.I must be fucking crazy too.
The guard arrived outside my cell early in the morning to bring me to court. I was granted bond, and my mother had found someone to post it on my behalf. I didn’t even call my mom to tell her what had happened, but in this sleepy town, I’d made the eleven o’clock news. My picture filled the screen along with all the gory details. Everyone I knew in this city had seen the story. I was embarrassed—no, horrified—that my actions and alcohol had ruined my name and made my mom and Joe look bad.
I had a couple of weeks to meet with my public defender before my appearance in court. Public defenders weren’t always interested in fighting your case, more into helping you settle the matter in the best way they felt possible. Whatever was quickest and the least work. I shared all the details with him and made him aware that it was my home. He said he would work with the prosecution and see what could be done to throw out the case or reduce the charges. Burglary was a felony charge and required jail time.
It didn’t really matter at this point. I knew I’d never be welcomed back at work, and it would take ages before I could show my face again without shame to the friends I’d made in town, especially my parents’ friends who had taken me in as one of their own.
I made bail but had nowhere to go. My mom wasn’t in court, waiting to take me home. She might not have wanted her baby to sit in jail, but she wasn’t ready to see me. I sat in the hallway of the courthouse, trying to decide where to go while I waited for court, but nothing came to me.
“Why haven’t you left?” I looked up from staring at my feet, like they had some magical answer, and into the face of my asshole public defender.
“I don’t know where to go. I don’t have a home anymore.”
“Salvation Army has a place around the corner you can stay. They have beds and programs to help you get back on your feet.” He had a smile on his face like he’d just told me to go hang out at the Ritz in luxury while I waited to find out my future. “I’ll be in touch about the case.”
“Yeah, sure you will.” I watched him as he walked away into the mass of people.
