Page 52 of Kayden: The Past
“Oh, fuck age. I’m legal.” She had a point. I didn’t want a relationship with her. I just wanted to bend her over a table and fuck her.
It became hard to talk with the music from the bars filling the streets and the masses of people chattering as we walked. I stayed by her side, and she grabbed my hand and led me toward Pat O’Brien’s. The white and green sign hung above the door, and the exterior walls were decorated in a rusty red with green shutters. We walked through the space, and I let go of her hand. Holding hands was just a little too much like being in a relationship for me to stomach.
The courtyard was a beauty with glowing fountains, twinkling lights, and softness. We found a spot at the bar and ordered Hurricanes. Funny that a city that was desecrated by a hurricane only a couple years earlier was known for such a drink.
We talked mostly about New Orleans, a very neutral topic. I didn’t want to know too much about her, and from what I could tell, she didn’t want to know much about me. I needed to know that she wasn’t a crazy whore whom I’d have to deal with in the future. I wanted simple—I needed simple. I didn’t give a fuck about what she was studying, where she came from, or who broke her heart. I didn’t want to share my life with her. I wasn’t looking to build a future. We listened to the music, and she told me about all the fun New Orleans had to offer. She’d never leave New Orleans. “It becomes part of you. You’ll see. It’s a romance that never leaves your heart.”
I’d never felt that way about any place I’d lived. It had always been just a place to plant my feet until the next great opportunity came, or my reckless choices caused me to leave.
Carrie touched me as she talked—small touches at first, my forearms with her fingertips to start and eventually clasping her hand around my arm and squeezing tightly. There was a chemistry between us, and nothing said “run the fuck away now.” All lights were green—we were a go for lift-off.
We finished our drinks and walked around the streets, taking in the sights of the city known for Mardi Gras. I felt almost overwhelmed by the energy in New Orleans, but maybe the drinks in my system had a little something to do with the overstimulation.
Carrie and I ended up having sex in the bathroom of some club I can’t even remember. They had a family bathroom, and families weren’t on the street this late at night. It was a small single room with a lock on the door. We could be loud, and no one would hear us over the music. Carrie wasn’t the type of girl you needed to take home and wine and dine. I fucked her long and hard and lived up to every motto I’d laid out while we were in Hustler.
I watched her as she rearranged her skirt and top. She looked like she’d just been through a war. I learned from Candy not to put a girl on the sink. As soon as Carrie had locked the door behind us, I grabbed her and smashed her against the wall. She wrapped her legs around me, and I undid my pants and used my hands to hold her by the ass. Her back looked a bit raw from hitting the tile over and over again, but I wasn’t sorry for any of it. I tied off the condom and threw it away.
“My back is going to be fucking killing me tomorrow.” She looked in the mirror, studying the damage. “Worth every second of misery I’ll feel tomorrow, though.” She smiled at me with a devilish grin.
“I want to take it a bit slower next time… I want to make other things ache for days.”
She laughed nervously, “I have no doubt you could, too.”
“Shall we?” I asked as I unlocked the door. “I’ll text the guys and see where they are and walk you to your friends.”
“Such a gentleman.” I opened the door and followed her out.
The group had never left Hustler, and we met them there before parting ways. I knew Carrie would be back for more. I had no doubt. I could see the guys standing outside waiting for us as we approached, and the ladies came laughing out the doorway behind them. I didn’t want to know what had happened while we were gone. Our two groups parted ways at Hustler. It was late, and we had to work the next day. We said our good-byes and left the ladies on Bourbon to head home to our empty beds and uncomplicated lives. New Orleans could work out perfectly. It was just what the doctor ordered.
Carrieand I had a standing appointment. It sounded boring and unromantic, but romance wasn’t the name of the game—lust, passion, and sex were. We met about every two weeks, sometimes sooner if we felt the need. We never shared too much or held deep conversations.
After some time away from the situation, I missed Lisa. Maybe I was a glutton for punishment, and my curse was crazy-ass bitches. Could I like a normal girl who didn’t turn my world upside down? Did I crave the unknown and want to live on the edge of uncertainty? I sent my monthly payment to the probation officer, waiting until the last minute possible. I hated parting with my cash and sending it away to someone who had everything I owned while I slept in a used bed.
I had been lying in bed trying to fall asleep for what felt like hours, but it didn’t come. I turned on the television and started watching ESPN, hoping that it would help drown out the thoughts of my failures in love and especially Lisa. I stared at my finger that held her name. My ring finger. She’d promised herself to me always and wanted me to put her name on my body to prove my devotion to her. I jumped as my phone started to ring and jump from the vibrations, dancing on my nightstand. I answered it without looking at the caller ID. I figured it was Carrie, wanting to plan our next night.
“Hello.”
“Hey,” said a small voice. My heart stopped at the sound of her voice. I didn’t know what to say to her. What was there to say? “Kayden?” she asked in an unsure tone.
“Yeah, what do you want?” I asked, not moving from my bed; although, I felt the need to pace around my room.
“I miss you,” she said in a soft tone that I hadn’t heard in a long time.
“That’s hard to believe.”
“Kayden, I do miss you. God, I’ve fucked everything up.” Her voice cracked, and the sound became muffled.
“The only person who got fucked in this is me, Lisa.”
“I know. God, I was just so pissed at you. It just got all out of hand.”
I know I got out of hand. If I hadn’t destroyed our things, I wouldn’t have been arrested and be on probation. “I’m sorry I broke in and fucked things up. I just couldn’t believe you locked me out, and it didn’t help that I’d been drinking either.”
“I just wanted to piss you off. I was so fucking mad at you. I wanted you to feel a little of what I felt. I would’ve cooled off after a night without you, and it would’ve ended there.” She sighed. “But you had to come in and destroy shit. You crossed the line, Kayden. I had to call the cops. I fucking saw red when I walked in the door.”
“I know. Everything got out of hand between us, Lisa. Where did it all go wrong?” I asked, putting my arms over my head, getting more comfortable. This Lisa was the one I thought I’d fallen in love with, the calm and remorseful woman whom I had known before she became possessed.
“Do you think we can start over? Can I come visit you, Kayden?” I didn’t answer right away. So many thoughts went through my mind at the thought of seeing her again. “Please.” She started to sob.
