Page 11 of Cade

CHAPTER FIVE

“Kill myself?” she said with a high-pitched tone, waving her hands in the air. “You’re crazy. I came to be alone, to spend time alone. Not kill myself. I mean, that’s crazy!” She didn’t look at him. She didn’t respond fully. She just kept glancing around the cabin.

“You know, Cass, one of the things I love about you is that you’re a terrible liar. You’ve always been able to tell the truth without blinking an eye. Straight shooter all the way. But when you lie, your eyes dart around the room; you can’t look people dead on. Right now, you’re lying through your teeth. But no matter. I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you.”

“How dare you,” she huffed. “How dare you assume that you know what my intentions are. How dare you to interfere in my break. How dare you…”

“How dare I care enough to make sure that you don’t do anything foolish that will devastate your family and friends, leaving them broken.”

Cass said nothing. There was nothing to say. He was right. She knew that it would hurt her family and friends. She’d thought about that, but the pain was too much for her to bear alone.

“I’ve seen the look, Cass. I know it. You are loved, and you are needed by everyone. Your absence would be felt in ways that are too profound to even discuss right now. Your parents, your sister, and me, Cass. You cannot do this. I won’t allow it. Besides, you promised to paint a portrait of my mother.”

“I didn’t bring my paints,” she murmured.

“I know,” he grinned. “Which is why I brought them. They’re in the closet. There’s only one bedroom in this place, so we’ll be sharing a room. I have no intentions of touching you. I just want to be near if you need me.”

Cassidy jerked her head up, staring at him. Her eyes filled with tears, and she shook her head, suddenly crumbling into a million pieces before his very eyes.

“Of course, you wouldn’t want to touch me. I’m damaged. I’m nothing but a broken piece of china with no hope of being glued back together. There’s nothing about me that any man would ever want again.” Cade shook his head, walked toward her, and gripped her shoulders. He pulled her upward, standing her directly in front of him.

“Listen to me, Cassidy Pechkin. I want nothing more than to touch you. Touch you in every way that a man, a loving, caring man, should touch a woman. But you aren’t ready for that, and I will not be the man that causes you more pain.”

“Y-You want to touch me?” she asked, sucking back the next wave of tears.

“What the hell do you think I’m doing here, Cass?” he laughed. “I’m here as your friend, but, make no mistake, I’m a friend that would like to be more.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” she whispered.

“Yet. You don’t know if you can do that yet.” He smiled down at her, then gently pulled her into his embrace, kissing the top of her head. “We’ll get there, Cass. You and me together. You just have to promise that you won’t leave me alone. I couldn’t stand that. Not again.”

Cassidy pulled back, staring up at Cade. He had the prettiest blue-green eyes, his jaw looking as if it had been carved from granite. The five-o’clock shadow made him appear more rugged. More handsome if that were possible.

“You knew someone who committed suicide?” she asked.

“My mother,” he said, swallowing and turning away from her. “And some service friends, but that’s a story for another day.”

“No. No, you don’t get to say that and not tell me. I need to know, Cade. Please.”

Cade turned down the stove, nodding at her to take a seat on the big leather sofa. The cabin was large, but it was mostly vaulted ceilings and wide-open space. It only had one bedroom, one full bathroom, and the large living and kitchen space.

Cassidy took a seat at the end of the sofa, curling her legs beneath her. Thinking better of it, she straightened and pulled off her boots and then curled them beneath her once again. Cade took a seat halfway down the sofa, not allowing her to create too much distance between them.

“Bodhi and I were little. Too little to really understand anything,” he said quietly. “Mom, she was always crying, always sad. She would be staring off into space, looking like the world had just ended. Dad would just tell us that she saw a sad movie or read a sad book. Then he would take us out to play, and being kids, we did what kids do. We forgot about it. By the time we got back home, Mom would be okay again.

“Because we are only eleven months apart, Bodhi and I were always in the same grade. When we were in first grade, we were waiting for our mom to pick us up after school. No matter what, she was always there. Always. It was getting late, wintertime, so it was getting dark early in Oregon. The principal came out and asked if he should call our house. He tried, but there wasn’t any answer, so he called Dad at work.

“He was there within twenty minutes, but the expression on his face said that we needed to get home fast. Mom, she was sitting there reading a magazine like nothing was wrong. She looked up and realized she’d forgotten us. She apologized and said she just needed some alone time. Then she looked at Dad and said what she really wanted, what she really needed, was to take a bubble bath, finish reading her magazine, and go to bed early.

“Dad would do anything for her, anything. So, he took us for pizza, and we played some video games. We weren’t gone but maybe two hours. When we got back, he told us to put our pajamas on and get ready for bed.

“He told us later that when he went in to check on her, she was in the bathtub, but he noticed there were no more bubbles. The water was cold. She’d taken a bunch of pain pills, some anxiety meds, and drank an entire bottle of wine. The coroner said she’d done it almost immediately after we left. She was twenty-nine years old, Cass. Not much older than you.

“She’d been having episodes since she was twelve, Cass. Twelve fucking years old. Dad didn’t care. He loved her anyway. But her death left us devastated. We were scared and thought we’d done something wrong. Then our grandmother tried to take us from our dad. It was horrible.”

“God, I’m sorry, Cade. I didn’t know,” she said, reaching for his hand. Cade nodded, pulling her closer. She tugged a little but then slid over as he lifted her to sit on his legs.

“You didn’t know, and you didn’t care, Cass. I can’t do that again. I know what it does to a family. I saw what it did to our father, and I can’t watch that happen ever again. I can’t watch someone I love kill themselves.”

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