Page 40 of Keeping My Girl

CHAPTER23

Selina

IPACE MY bedroom floor. For some reason, the entire movie night with Nico felt awkward. I’m not sure if he felt it too, but I desperately want to know. I need to make sure I didn’t do anything to offend him or make him feel uncomfortable.

Before I can change my mind, I leave my room and make my way down the hall. I timidly knock on Nico’s door and wait. I stand in my pajamas, nervously shifting from foot to foot, but he doesn’t answer. Maybe he’s in bed already?

Gnawing nervously on my lip, I put my hand on the doorknob and turn, carefully pushing the door open. A lamp illuminates the room, and I see that he’s not in bed.

Water running from the en-suite bathroom catches my attention, and so my feet pad across the hardwood floors to the door that’s ajar. The water is louder now, and I can tell that he’s showering instead of just washing his hands, like I first thought.

I tell myself to walk away, to not look, but it’s almost like I can’t help myself. Instead, I step into the space where the door is open and peer into the spacious bathroom. Inside the walk-in shower, which is made up of tall glass, I see Nico. His naked body is dripping wet from the water raining down upon him. My heart begins to beat faster at the sight of him — his muscles and abs on full display. My eyes lower to where his hand is fisting his cock. It’s thick, long and hard, perfect, just like him.

He slaps a hand against the wet tile and groans out, “Lina.”

Oh my god, he’s thinking about me while he’s getting off. Long streams of cum erupt from his cock, and I can’t help the gasp of surprise coming from my lips. It must have been louder than I thought because next thing I know, Nico’s eyes are meeting mine. We stare at each other, and I can see the surprise and confusion lacing his handsome face before he’s saying my name again.

I’m not even conscious of my next move; I just know I have to get the hell out of there. I was caught watching him. I’m embarrassed more than anything, but also…turned on. I don’t stop running until I’m safe inside my room with the door closed. With my back against the wood, my right hand covers my heart that’s threatening to beat out of my chest.

My fingers clench and unclench, and then they involuntarily move on their own accord down my body and under my pajama bottoms. Biting my lip, I slip my fingers into my panties and rub my already wet slit. It feels so wrong, but so damn good. I close my eyes and picture Nico in the shower just as I saw him — wet and hard, stroking his cock and calling out my name.

I get close to the edge in no time, but I can’t seem to cross that fine line of the edge. Gritting my teeth, the bad thoughts start assaulting me left and right, and I can almost hear Constantine’s voice in my ear…

“Don’t you dare come, little pet.”

Trembling, my eyes snap open, almost expecting to see him standing before me. I’m terrified of pleasure, because with pleasure always comes pain. My body has been conditioned to accept that, and I fight it until I can’t fight it any longer. My fingers eventually stop trying, and I know I’ve already checked out mentally. That moment full of lust is gone with no relief in sight.

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I pull my hand from my panties as tears fill my eyes. I feel embarrassed. Dirty. It was wrong what I did. And I can’t stop the tears from falling or the sobs that follow, wracking my body as I collapse to the floor. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I curl into a ball on the floor and give over to my emotions.

A knock is at my door, and my spine goes rigid. “Lina,” I hear Nico’s deep, gentle voice call from beyond the door.

I can’t face him right now. Not in this state that I’m in. So I leave his pleas unanswered, and I go to bed to face my demons alone.

* * *

The psychiatrist clears her throat. I snap out of my daydream and force myself to meet her eyes. “Sorry,” I mutter under my breath.

“Where were you just now?” Dr. Graham asks.

“I was just thinking,” I admit. And if the doc was talking just now, I didn’t hear a word of what she just said.

“Can I ask what you were thinking about?”

My cheeks instantly warm at the question. I’m curled up in the leather chair by the window, and I pull my knees closer to my chest. “I was thinking about…Nico,” I tell her, my voice barely above a whisper. I don’t want to open up to her, by any means, but I desperately need someone to talk to about everything that happened.

Dr. Graham seems pleased by my answer. She’s probably thrilled that we’re actually making some progress for once instead of me shutting down and refusing to answer her questions. “Were you thinking about something in particular? A memory or something more recent perhaps?” she asks.

“Something that happened last night,” I confess. God, I’ve been ignoring Nico since it happened. When he came to my door after I caught him, I couldn’t even face him. I felt like the world’s biggest jerk for turning him away, but I was too embarrassed to confront him about what happened. And also a big part of me was worried that I would give in and do something stupid like kiss him or…more. I even refused to go downstairs for breakfast where we’ve been eating together every morning for the past few days, making me feel even worse about everything.

“And what happened last night, Selina?” she presses.

“Nico and I watched a movie together in his room.”

“That sounds like fun,” she says with a sincere smile. “Did anything else happen besides the movie?”

“No. I mean yes.”

“You don’t sound so sure,” she says gently. Her voice is so soothing and controlled. No wonder she got into this profession. Sometimes I feel like I could tell her anything, and there are times when I do tell her some things. A lot more than I’ve ever told anyone.

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