Page 56 of Keeping My Girl

“I’m not shutting you out,” I tell her with a sigh. Closing my eyes, I grit out, “I just want to take a shower and go the fuck to bed.”

“Did you murder the man who killed those women and your friend?” she questions in a whisper.

“Yes,” I growl without an ounce of remorse for his death. And then I open my eyes and focus on her beautiful face. “Even though I do some good things in my life, Lina, I’m still the bad guy. Never forget that,” I tell her before pushing past her into my room.

She doesn’t follow me into the bathroom, and for that I’m grateful. I shower quickly and thoroughly, scrubbing off the dead man’s blood from my skin. He was hard to crack, but everyone cracks eventually in the end. When you realize you have nothing left to lose and feel your life slipping away before your eyes, then the skeletons hiding in your closet begin to slowly pour out of your fucking soul.

We got the information we needed. With Constantine Carbone really no longer a threat here in New York since he started his affairs overseas, there is a new, up-and-coming mob boss dipping his toes into the flesh trade waters. We’re sending one of his men back to him in pieces as a message that we’re not going to tolerate this shit in our city. We’re cutting the head off the fucking snake before it can slither its way into the dark underground and try to establish a good, solid position before striking.

I’ve made it my mission in life to save girls like Selina from the monsters in this world, and I’ll be damned if anyone deals in human trafficking in this city while I’m living and breathing.

While I was hard at work making that man suffer, we got word that the girls at the hospital are now all in stable condition. That almost makes all of this horror show worth it, but then I think about the ones we couldn’t save, and Miner. They shouldn’t have died like that. I should have been able to save them all. I was head of that team, so the responsibility of their wellbeing falls on my shoulders. It’s my fucking fault, and I will carry the burden of their untimely deaths for the rest of my life.

When I’m done showering, I climb out, dry off and wrap a towel around my waist. Selina is standing in my bedroom, waiting.

I’m about to open my mouth to tell her to go back to bed, but she quickly asks, “Did that man suffer before you killed him?”

“Yes,” I tell her simply. “He suffered…immensely,” I say with a sickening satisfaction that I gave some semblance of justice to the innocent people he killed.

“Good,” she responds, surprising the hell out of me. Coming closer until she’s standing right in front of me, she leans up on her tiptoes and places a soft kiss on my cheek. “You did good, Nico,” she tells me before leaving my room.

I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding, still reeling from the touch of her lips against my skin. For some reason, having Selina’s affirmation makes me feel better, even if only minutely. I wanted to save them all, but what’s done is done. At least I can help the ones that survived. We can give them a better life, a future. And for that, I am grateful. And because of Selina, it feels like a great weight has been lifted off my chest and that I can breathe again.

Lina always did have that effect on me — even on the darkest of days, she would be the tiny ray of sunshine that I needed to make it through. She’s like this beacon of light guiding me home even when I’m feeling so far gone and lost that I don’t know if I’ll ever make it back on my own.

---