Page 22 of Chasin' Cole

He'll be absent from my life.

I chew on my lip, willing back the devastation threatenin' to spill out of me. Devastation sure to wreck me. To drown me. To destroy me. I don’t know if I care anymore.

Cole takes several calculated steps forward. I know I should close the gap, should run to him. Should throw myself in his strong arms.

Has it ever occurred to you that he just hasn’t met the right woman yet? The woman he’d be willing to give up the adventures for?

"What are we doin'?" I ask him.

He takes another step closer, his musky scent overwhelmin’ all my senses. "What do you mean?"

My eyes shift to the dirt floor. I dig the heel of my boot into the ground. When my eyes slide back to his face, he's standin' right in front of me.

"This is just really hard sometimes," I admit. "I don't like hidin' what we mean to each other. Whatyou mean to me."

His fingers caress my cheek before tangling with my hair. "I know. I'm...I've tried telling Brock a few times, but there's always something that comes up."

I rest my palms on his chest. "Maybe it's better people don't know."

He inhales sharply. "Do you really feel that way?"

"You're leavin' soon," I stare up at him. “You’re leavin’ and I don’t want to ruin your relationships before you do.”

The words hang between us like fog over the grassy fields early in the mornin' light.

"I am leaving," Cole exhales. "But that doesn't mean I'm leaving you."

My heart pitter patters in my chest as I search his eyes for the slightest hint of dishonesty. He’s only supposed to be passin’ through. He’s not supposed to be tellin’ me he’s not leaving me.

"Rose, did you hear me?" he asks.

I nod my head as I rest my palms on his hard chest. He feels so real—so palpable. But he won’t be here forever. Why is every moment ruined by the inevitable distance that will soon separate us?

"Say something," he whispers.

But I'm not sure what to say. He can't stay and he isn't leaving me? It's like we're in limbo. We're stuck in this place where we spend time together but we both know it won't last forever.

He's going to be gone for a year. Possibly longer. I don't know who I'll be in a year—who he'll be. Am I supposed to put my life on hold and wait for him? Is that what I really want? Is that what he wants.

"Rose," Cole calls gently to me again.

"This is just really hard sometimes," I admit as I get lost in his dark eyes.

"What can I do to make it easier?" Cole presses his forehead to mine. I slide my hands around his neck and nuzzle my nose against his. He feels like home. He smells home. He can’t be that for me, though.

"Kiss me, Cole."

He tips me back as one of my heels raises off the dirt and he finds my lips with his. There's an urgency to his kiss this time that hasn't been there before. It’s slower, more sensual. He takes his time memorizing every inch of my mouth.

I am leaving. But that doesn't mean I'm leaving you.

Then what does it mean, Cole? Why can’t you just say what you mean?

I get lost in the taste of his mouth, in the way his hard muscles rub against the cotton fabric of my dress, in how much I want to pack my bags, too, and go with him.

It's too much and, somehow, never enough.

I don't know how much more my heart can take before it breaks wide open and all the love I have for him spills out onto the hard earth beneath me.

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