Page 23 of Chasin' Cole

This is just really hard sometimes.

I decide to ignore all the warnin’ signs blarin’ in my head like a tornado siren and cling to whatever I have of Cole right now, in this moment. Whatever he’s willin’ to give me for now, I’ll take it. And if I get hurt in the process, at least I can say I tried. I tried to love Cole Strickland enough to make him stay.

Deep inside, I know the truth, though. Cole was made for passin’ through and I was made for this small-town life.

Chapter 8 – Secrecy Is Good

I've never really liked crowds. Never liked all the people. The noise. The foot traffic. The overwhelmin’ feeling of not seeing a clear-cut exit in the event of an emergency. But walkin' beside Cole in a crowd, I really like that. I like getting lost in a sea of people. I like how everyone shelters us from pryin' eyes. Like that we get to just be together without worryin' who might see.

Cole grabs my hand and laces our fingers together as we head towards the Ferris wheel. Bein' with him in public, I don't know. I could really get used to this. And that terrifies me. We still haven't told Brock and I feel guilty.

So guilty.

I know we need to tell him, but I really like this bubble we're in. I know the moment Brock finds out—when the whole town finds out—our bubble will burst. People have a way of ruinin' good things. Especially Mama.

I hate to admit this, especially to myself, but I wonder if Cole likes the secrecy. If he likes the hidin' and the sneakin' around. Will he still like me when everyone knows? When we're out in the open and not hidden in the shadows?

I'm tryin' hard to be the girl who doesn't care. The girl who's up for spontaneity and adventure. Who's fine with just seein' where things go. But I know I'm just lyin' to myself.

I'm lyin' to myself.

And I'm lyin' to Cole.

I want to know what we are and where he sees this goin’ after he leaves. I like the idea of accompanyin’ him on all his grand adventures, but I know I’d be homesick.

"Do you remember the last time we were here?" he asks as his fingers rub against mine. I stare down at our interlaced hands. Why does it always feel like my hand was made to fit perfectly in his?

I nod my head and wonder why there's this big lump in my throat. He's not leavin' yet. He's not gone yet. He's right here, Rose.

He's right here.

"I think you were ten," Cole remembers correctly.

"You had to ride the Ferris wheel with me because Brock was ridin' with Kenzie," I remind him.

Kenzie.Brock's ex-girlfriend. The woman who got pregnant by Brock's dad and then blamed the whole thing on Cole. Pretended that Cole was actually her daughter's father when Brock finally uncovered the truth.

Messy, messy, messy.

It was all so messy.

Now that I know Cole as more than just my older brother's best friend, I see all the good in him and it infuriates me that she would be so connivin' and manipulative. That she would try ruinin’ his life to cover up her indiscretions. I wonder what Pastor Frank would have to say about that.

"Did you ever think we'd be back here like this?" Cole grins as he holds up our connected hands.

"No," I shake my head, "never."

"I always thought of you as my little sister," Cole confesses, "until you kissed me in the creek."

I can't hide the smile that spreads across my face. "I don't know what came over me. I’d never thought of you as anythin’ other than Brock’s best friend. Kissin’ you was the furthest thing from my mind. Then, you just had to take your shirt off. We should really blame the heat. It had me thinkin’ all kinds ofhotthings."

"Is that so?"

"It is," I return.

Cole stops walking and pulls me against him. In the middle of the crowded fairgrounds, he slips my hair behind my ear, letting out a contented sigh. "I never thought..." but he stops and takes a deep breath. "I never thought you'd become the most important person in my life. Over the past two months, that's who you have become to me."

What? The most important person in his life? Am I dreamin’? I must be dreamin’.

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