Page 43 of Chasin' Cole

She takes a deep breath. "I'm not much for apologies."

"If you love her," I exhale, "then you'd try."

Mary Ellen lets out a defeated breath. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I raise my eyebrows. She’s starting to get under my nerves.

"You're clearly sleepin' with her," Mary Ellen holds out a hand. "You're sleepin' with her and you're leavin'. At least I’m still here.”

"I'll only be gone a year," I make clear. “Then I’m coming home. To stay.”

"That's a long time," Mary Ellen sighs. "And we both know a year can turn into two if you don't get the right footage. You expect her to wait two years?”

My heart begins throbbing in my chest. "It won't be longer than a year." But I don't know if that's entirely true. It depends, as Mary Ellen pointed out, on whether we get the right shots for the film.

"She's young, Cole. Almost 21. She has so much life ahead of her. Do you really think it's fair for her to give everythin' up for you on the hope that you'll be back when you say you'll be? Yer reputation precedes you. You don’t ever stick to yer word."

The blood starts pumping in my ears as I lick my lips. "I'm going to propose to her. She won't ever have to—"

"She's not like you," Mary Ellen says gently, the tiniest ounce of pain evident in her tone. "She's not a world-travelin' risk seeker. She likes her small-town life. She always has. What kind of life will it be for her if she's always sayin' goodbye to you? If yer gone for years at a time? Is she supposed to raise babies on her own? Are you supposed to give up everythin’ you’ve worked for?"

"I'm giving it all up for her," I argue weakly. “I want to.”

"I love my daughter," Mary Ellen clears her throat. "I know she loves you, but I think you should reconsider this askin' her to wait a year thing. You can't be makin' promises to her you aren't sure you'll keep. Take it from me, disappointin' Rose isn't like disappointin' anyone else. She'll never recover. Not in the time you’ll need her to. She has her own way of healin’. It looks different than everyone else’s."

"I think that's unfair," I reply. "Rose is much stronger than you give her credit for. Look what she’s endured for years from you and Rowdy."

"She is strong," Mary Ellen agrees, "I won't argue that. But she's been hurt—by my own doin'. By others. I think yer good for my daughter but I'm afraid she'll spend her days resentin' you the way I resented Rowdy. He was so much like you before I tied him to this place. And look what we did to each other. Don’t make a promise if you aren’t certain, you can keep it. That’s not fair to her."

Rowdy and Mary Ellen destroyed one another.

"I'm not Rowdy and she's not you," I grit my teeth. "I love her and I'm going to propose. It's up to Rose if she wants to wait. When she wakes up, I'll bring her home."

Mary Ellen nods slowly. "I guess I'll see her when she gets home then."

I watch Mary Ellen leave, my hands clenched at my sides. She had no right to show up here and start sowing doubt in my mind. She had no right to tell me that I’m like Rowdy. I’m nothing like him. I’d never choose anyone over Rose. And I sure as hell wouldn’t leave my children behind. Blood related or not.

When I can no longer hear Mary Ellen’s footsteps on the stairs, I open the door and walk back inside. Rose is still comfortably asleep in my bed.

I take a seat at the table, trying not to let the words Mary Ellen spoke run on repeat in my head. But it's a losing battle.

She's young, Cole.

She's not like you.

What kind of life will it be for her if she's alwayssayin' goodbye to you?

You can't bemakin' promises to her you aren't sure you'll keep.

...disappointin' Rose isn't likedisappointin' anyone else. She'll never recover.

I sit there, watching Rose sleep as I consider all our options. And by the time she's opening her eyes, the late morning sun fill the room with a honeyed glow. I've made my mind up.

"Mornin'," she stretches her arms over her head.

I take a deep, painful breath. "We need to talk."

Chapter 15 – My Own

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