Page 45 of Chasin' Cole

"You're really goin' to let my mother ruin what we have?" I cry. I can't hold back the tidal wave of tears rockin' against my tear ducts. "The woman who lied to me my whole life? That’s who you chose to take advice from?"

"She's still your mom," he weakly argues. "She still cares about your well-being."

"Then you don't know Mary Ellen Young as well as you thought. She doesn't do anythin' unless it benefitsher. She moved me from the only home I've ever known and into a stranger's house without a second thought. Hasn't once asked me if I'm doin' fine with everythin' that's happened.Youof all people—someone who claims to love me—should know better than to let her fill your head with doubts. She's crazy! I may be young, and I may not know what the next year brings, but I know how I feel about you. And it doesn't matter if you're gone for one year or ten, waitin' for you doesn't seem like a chore or a prison sentence to me. It's worth it if I know you feel the same way I do."

"I do.I do," he inches closer. "I love you, Rose."

"Then what's the problem?" I swallow hard.

"It's because I love you that I think we need to figure out what—"

"I can't listen to this," I interrupt him. "You're just goin' to disappoint me like everyone else does. Whatever this is—whatever we've been doin'—I always knew it had a time limit. I think..." I trail off to hold in the sob buildin' in my chest. Cole's fingers slip along mine, and I muster all the strength I can to say, "That time limit has reached its end. You want space Cole Strickland, then you just bought yourself a year or however long yourcontract stipulates."

"Rose," his voice cracks.

I crawl off the bed and collect my clothes off the floor. With my hand clutched over my heart, I grab my purse and fumble with the lock on his door. It's stuck and I can't get it to budge.

His arms wrap around me as I bang my fist on the wood, my heart shatterin' like a champagne flute meetin' the hard floor.

I let him hold me, even though I know this goodbye isn't just a momentary passin' of words until I see him tomorrow. This goodbye is for good. A permanent exchange of sounds until we accidentally run into each other at the Okie Doke years from now—a lifetime from now—as strangers.

How is this it?

How could he give up so easily on me?On us?

How could he let anyone tell him I'm better off without him?

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

But then why does this feel like...

Goodbye.

It all comes down to a single moment, doesn't it? The moment that changes us from two people head-over-heels in love to strangers who share the same memories for a short period of time.

"I have to go," I finally say.

Cole hugs me tighter, burying his head in the crook of my neck. Then, he's lettin' me go and unlockin' the door. He doesn't try to fight it or beg me to stay.

And that's what hurts the most.

When it's all said and done, he was never really the one fightin' for us.

It was me. It was always me. I can’t always fight everythin’ alone. I can’t fight for us if he’s not willin’ to.

I turn back to look at him. But all I can see is my reflection in his eyes. His dark, cold eyes. The ones that felt so warm and comforting yesterday. The ones that saw all the parts of me laid bare. Why Cole? Why couldn’t you have stayed away from the creek that day? Why did you keep chasin’ me? Why didn’t you leave? Why did you promise me things you never intended to deliver on?

I know the sad truth, though. Every part of me warned myself. He’s not the stayin’ kind. There’s no future for him in a small, tiny town with a girl who rides horses. I can’t offer him the world. I can’t offer him grand adventures and rare sights. I’m not a white rhino in Australia. I’m not a peak at the top of the Andes mountains. I’m just Rose. Just his best friend’s little sister. The one who spent most of her childhood chasin’ after him, beggin’ him to let her be a part of somethin’. I’m still that little girl. I’m still standin’ here beggin’ him to want me. To let me in. To let me be a part of his world.

I think he wanted to. I think he wanted me to be a part of his world. He wanted me to fit into his life. But I can’t. I can’t because I’m Rose Young-Linton. No, I’m just Rose. I used to be Cole’s Rose. Now, I’m on my own. Maybe it’s time to stop searchin’ for someone to call me theirs. Maybe it’s time I start callin’ myself what I am. My own.

Cole blinks slowly as I relive every moment over the last few months with him. Every kiss, every touch, every truck ride. Every time I asked him if this was really what he wanted. If the infamous Cole Strickland who never stays in one place for too long really wanted to stay here for me.

Even if a part of him did, the whole of him did not.

It wasn't Cole or my mom who broke my heart.

It was me.

---