Page 46 of Chasin' Cole

It was always me and my unrealistic expectations.

I stare at him for as long as I can take it. I stare and memorize the frown lines on his forehead. The soft pink color of his lips. His dark charcoal irises. The ones eaten up by his equally dark pupils.

“I love you, Cole, and I’m sorry I asked too much of you.”

I step forward and rise on my tippy toes. I kiss him gently, lettin’ myself remember the taste of his lips.

When I pull away, unshed tears fill his eyes. “Don’t go, Rose.”

My lower lip quivers. “I think we both know why I need to.”

I leave him standin’ in the doorway, wonderin’ why I didn’t run as fast as I could the moment he stepped into the creek. The moment he stole my heart, and I didn’t even know it.

Chapter 16 – Should’ve Known Better

The rain pounds against the windshield as I sit in my truck and cry. I hate cryin'. Hate the way my eyelids burn and my tear ducts itch and my cheeks chap from the salty liquid that won't quit fallin'.

I need to start the truck. I need to back up and go home.

Home.

To Mama.

To the woman who keeps ruinin' everything' for me.Why?Why can't she see what she's been doin' for years? She's been selfish and self-righteous and self-absorbed.

She's never cared about Brock or me. Never cared about our happiness. She's only ever cared for hers. And now that she's ruined the one thing I love more than anythin' in the world, she's lost me.Forever.I'm not shy, timidRing Around the Rosieanymore. I'm not goin' to keep things inside and ignore them until I burst. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the way everyone overlooks me. Everyone pushes me away. No one cares if I ache or agonize or hurt. No one cares.

I turn the key in the ignition and grip the steerin' wheel with both hands. The tears have slowed, but between the wet windshield and my blurry eyes, I carefully ease out of the parkin' spot, not seein’ anythin’ clearly.

My heart hurts. The way it hurt when I found out Rowdy wasn't my biological father. When Mom told me to pack my things and gather the horses because the ranch was up for sal,e and we were movin'. The kind of hurt I felt when I ran into Kenzie and Emmeline yesterday mornin' and realized that everyone I've ever loved has shoved a knife into my heart without a second thought.

Is it me?

Am I the reason I keep gettin' hurt?

Or is this the world we live in? A world full of selfish people?

I use the back of my hand to wipe the tears off my cheeks. I need to pull it together if I'm goin' to confront Mary Ellen Young for the first time in my life.

I used to think I had somethin' to lose, so I kept my mouth shut. Kept hopin' she'd decide to love me on her own. That I wouldn't have to scream and holler for her to notice me—notice my pain. Guess I was wrong.

Familiar places—houses and empty fields—pass by in a blur as I head towards home. Can I even call it home? It's never felt like one.

I've never felt home until Cole crawled into my heart and took up all the space there.

It'll get easier, Rose. It'll get easier.

Tomorrow will be a better day. And I'll get through this just like I do everythin' else. With as much grace and courage as I can.

The moment I turn into the driveway, my heart starts beatin' in rapid succession. I've never been more ready to get all the things off my chest I've needed to foryears.

I look down at my tremblin' hands and realize I'm still wearin' Cole's clothes. I was in too much of a hurry to get out of there to change before runnin' out the door.

Oh well.

I throw the truck door open and step out, my boots collidin' with a mud puddle from all the rain.

She's standin' in the doorway before I even make it there. That infuriates me. That she's been waitin'. She knew what she was doin' when she showed up at Cole's. She knew exactly what she was doin'. And now, she's plannin' on finishin' whatever grand scheme she's concocted to break Cole and me up. She's succeeded, I'll give her that. She always wins. She always gets her way. But in the process, she's cut the final string holdin' us together.

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