Page 49 of Chasin' Cole

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"Move, move,move!" I shout as Sundance barrels down the sidewalk on Main Street.

Cole's backin' out of the parkin' spot in front of his loft and I need to get to himnow. I hop off Sundance and run towards him as fast as I can, my cowboy boots scraping the concrete ground beneath my soles.

He stops the truck when he sees me and opens his door. I nearly faint from how relieved I am that he didn't keep drivin'.

I don't look around, don't check to see if anyone is watchin'. His arms open when he steps out of his truck, and I run into them as fast as I can. They embrace me as I inhale his musky cologne.Birch. He smells like Mama's birch candle. The one she only lights when the pastor stops by.

My fingertips dig into his back as a flood of memories overwhelm me. Our first kiss in the creek. Him showin' me the old church. Kissin' in the back of his truck. Fallin' asleep in his arms after his hands explored every inch of my body. I squeeze my eyes shut tight. I need just a moment. One more. He doesn't pull away as a single tear slips past my closed eyelids and I hold onto him.

I want to ask him so many questions. Did he really love me the way he said he did? Did he know we would end like this? Why did he let Mama ruin what we had? Why did he shut me out? Why didn't he fight harder for me? For us?

But I know Cole Strickland almost as well as I know the back of my own hand. And his answer would be the same for all of them.

Because it's what's best for me.

That's what he thinks anyway.

But it's not the truth. He's what's best for me. Even a million miles away, he's still what's best for me. And a part of me knows that no matter how much I beg, Cole's goin' to tell me I'm better off without him. That his job is too hectic, and his schedule is never set in stone. That a life with him would be constantly waitin' for him to return. And really? What kind of life is that for me?

A lonely one.

I've always been lonely, so maybe I'd be fine in the beginning. As the years passed though, I know I'd start resentin' him for not choosin' me over the one thing he loves most: makin' movies. Well, documentaries. The kind they hire some Hollywood actress to narrate, one that gets accolades and awards. The one thing he's best at in this world.

I could rearrange my whole life and go with him, but the thing I love most is horses. And our two passions will always tug us in different directions.What could've been. Those three words are wreakin' havoc on my heart right now.

When I know I can't keep him from missin' his flight, I gently pull away from his warm arms.

I chance a glance up at him and see his dark eyes borin' into mine.

"You came," he whispers.

"I wasn't goin' to," I answer, noticin' his arms still haven't let me go. I wish they never had to, but I’m resigned to the fact that sayin’ goodbye to Cole is just part of my life now. It always has been.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I should have—"

"It's okay," I give him a watery smile. "You were right."

His hand cups my cheek and I don't realize he's leanin' down to kiss me until his lips are on mine. I immediately wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back with all the fervor and passion I can muster. So he knows. So he'll always know how I feel about him. How much I love him. That if I had my way, I'd be with him. That we didn't have enough time. There was never enough time to show him what I really feel for him. I'm not even sure I know just how deep my love for him runs.

I don't want the kiss to end, but I know it must. This time, I let him be the one that pulls away first because I’m not strong enough. I’m just not strong enough to release him.

When he does stop kissin’ me, he presses his forehead to mine. "I love you, Rose. But I don't want you to wait for me. You have a whole life ahead of you and I don't want to stand in your way."

I nod my head, lettin’ the silent tears soak my cheeks. There's so much I want to say, so much I want to argue with, but I don't. Because I love him too much to make him feel bad. To spend our last moments fightin'.

"I love you, too, Cole," I tell him. "Pleasebe careful."

"I'm sorry," he says again. I don't know exactly what he's apologzin' for, but I know it's sincere and genuine. "I shouldn't have let you leave that morning. I should have chased after you. I should have made things right.”

"You have a plane to catch," I will the lump in my throat away. "You have to go."

He closes his eyes for a brief moment before he's kissin' me again. I cling to him as his lips brush against mine in a delicious rhythm. Goodbye has never felt more permanent. And my heart dips in my chest when I realize this might be our last kiss. I hold on a little tighter, breathe in a little deeper. I don’t want it to end, but all good things do.

Goodbye.

I wish the word didn't exist.I wish there was another word for it.

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