Page 50 of Chasin' Cole

But there isn’t.

Chapter 18 – Adventure

Lacey hands me a cup of coffee before ploppin' down beside me on the front porch swing Brock installed a few summers ago.

"How are things going?" she asks me.

I haven't been around much. Winter was unseasonably cold and frozen, so I kept close to the barn. The frigid temperatures kept me close to the horses and the smell of hay. Spring was erratic and tumultuous. A tornado destroyed a few buildings on Main Street, and we all helped clean up rubble. Summer...well, summer's been quiet and reflective. I avoid goin' anywhere near the creek. Avoid any place that might bring up some unwanted, unwarranted memories. The old church. Back roads. The movie theatre. Memories of how much I still love him. How much I still miss him.

It's easier not to think about him. I try not to remember. Try not to say his name or fall asleep dreamin' about his dark, charcoal eyes. Or his warm arms. His solid strength. The smell of his musky cologne.

It's easier to pretend I'm fine.

"Things are goin'," I nod as I take a sip out of the mug. The liquid is strong and bitter as it slides down my throat.

Lacey lets out a sigh. "You miss him."

It's not a question. The truth lingers between us like the pesky feelings I have for Cole that won't go away.

"I'm tryin' real hard not to," I shrug. “But it’s hard. I miss everythin’ about him. Worse still, everythin’ reminds me of him. Even drinkin’ a cup of coffee.”

"When I first met Cole," Lacey chuckles, "I thought he was really handsome. Don't tell your brother I said that, but I always liked Cole. He's a good guy and he always has been. I think he's been hurt in the past, especially by Kenzie, and he's a little skittish. Just like Lily was when you first got her."

Lily. Lacey's horse I rehabilitated a few years ago. Lacey bought her after I was in a terrible car accident. I lost my horse that day. But Lacey helped me buy Sundance by purchasin’ Lily after she was trained.

"You could say that again," I smile at her.

"When I married Brock and moved here," Lacey gently shakes her blond head, "all I wanted to do was fit in. And maybe I was a little naïve believing that I would. I thought because Brock loved me, so would everyone else. That includes your mother. But I've learned a few things since then. I’ve learned how to be a wife and take care of a baby. I’ve learned friends come and go, but the right people will show up at the right time. The most important thing I’ve learned is that not everyone is going to like me, but I need to like who I am. I’m the one who has to look in the mirror every morning. I want to be happy with what I see.”

She lets out a deep breath before she continues. “Small towns are charming, and there's a lot of love here, but no one ever talks about how isolating it can be to an outsider. Or how lonely it can be when you're at the center of town drama and gossip. It's not until you find your people, the ones that remind you who you are when Georgia Mackey writes a scathing article about you, that you find your place."

"What's any of that got to do with Cole?" I look over at my sister-in-law.

"I wasn't talking about Cole," she nudges me with her shoulder. "I was talking aboutyou."

"OK," I laugh, "what does any of that have to do with me?"

"You found your place and he left," she frowns.

The words cause my heart and stomach to knot up. "He did leave. But he’ll eventually come back. He always does."

"I've given you space," she says softly, "but I'm worried about you. You’ve been so distant and distracted. What can I do to help?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure.”

“You have to...you have to deal with it, Rose," she gives me a sad smile. “You can’t shove all your feelings into the barn and shut the door.”

“Why not?” I tease her.

“Because,” she shakes her blond head. “If you don’t, you’ll find yourself dealing with years later.”

"It's too painful," I admit out loud for the first time. “It’s too painful to deal with it.”

"I know," she lays her head on my shoulder. "I know."

The muggy summer breeze wafts through the back porch, stirrin' memories in my heart of our first kiss.

It's been six months. Six months since he left. Six months since I last felt his lips against mine. Six months...

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