Page 74 of For Your Love

Colleen nodded and closed her eyes for a few moments to try to calm her racing heartbeat. Taking a deep breath, she recalled the advice Jalane gave her. Her therapist said Colleen had PTSD from that night. She took a deep breath and tried to push all those memories away. She needed to focus on the present moment and not the past. Her phone pinged with an incoming text from Finn:

Hey, beautiful. I’ll be leaving soon. Just one more meeting and I’m out of here. XX

She was tempted to call Finn but didn’t want him to worry. She would be fine. Knowing he would be on his way soon calmed her down. She texted her reply:

We’re on our way back to Stony Brook. I’ll be waiting for you. XO

Leaning her chin on the heel of her hand, Colleen watched the light raindrops gather together and trickle down the window. She was going to be alone in the cottage until Finn got there. She said a silent prayer that he would be with her before the storm arrived. She tried to focus her attention on the heavy traffic and scenery, but it was no use. Every driver looked stressed out and that only increased her anxiety with each mile as they crawled their way to Stony Brook.

“Bye, guys. Thanks for including me,” Colleen said, leaving the bus.

“Sorry it took longer than we planned,” Daisy said, leaning out the window. “I sent you my contact info, so call me.”

“I will,” Colleen said with a wave.

Just as the minibus pulled away, thunder rumbled in the distance. Colleen shivered. It was almost dark. She rushed to Molly’s front door, entered the security code Finn had sent her, and stepped inside.

“Hey, Alfie.” She flipped on the lights and opened the crate. “Did you miss me?” Alfie scampered out, already barking at her. “Of course, you didn’t. Come on,” she said, clipping the leash on his collar to take him outside.

While he peed and pooped, there was another boom of thunder. This one was much louder and closer. She pulled her denim jacket tight around her and studied the dark clouds as the rain started falling.

She picked up the poop, her hand trembling slightly. She knotted the bag and tossed it in the garbage can. Once inside, she quickly washed her hands andmeasured the kibble into a dish and let him eat in peace while she searched the kitchen drawers for a flashlight. No flashlight. She hurried into the garage and rifled through cupboards, but no luck.

“Dammit,” she said, scanning the living room for some kind of solution. The single pillar candle on the coffee table would have to do.

Alfie padded out from the kitchen, barking again.

“Do you have to bark all the time?” she snapped at Alfie.

Lightning filled the room and then the power went out. She jumped, spinning around, desperate to get her bearings. Sweeping her hands across the granite counter, she frantically searched for her phone. Her hands knocked a canister of kitchen utensils off the counter and it crashed onto the floor. “Shit.”

She managed to get to the living room and light the candle. A crack of lightning so bright, blinded her for a moment. She groped her way around the coffee table to the couch with shaky legs and a pounding heart.

The next roll of thunder boomed right on top of the house. She yelped, curling up into a ball and covered her ears.

Alfie jumped on the couch and tucked himself next to her.

She’d forgotten all about him, but she was grateful to have something to hold onto. “We’ll ride this out together, Alfie.”

The terrier burrowed in, trembling in her arms. He was just as scared as she was. Flash after flash illuminated the room. She gulped air, trying to steady herself and not give in to the panic of the memory of that terrible night.

“I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe,” she repeated with her eyes squeezed shut.

Another crack of lightning. She bolted upright and her eyes flew open with a scream. Another boom of thunder followed.

Above the fireplace, Kinkade’s cottage was illuminated by the flickering candlelight, giving only hints of the idyllic scene. Colleen’s mind buzzed with sensations as she imagined seeing the cottage in a forest clearing. The sky overhead was blue, but the fading light on the horizon meant it would be dark soon, but in her imaginings, she wasn’t frightened. She trudged through thick, wet grass, getting closer with each step. She continued to walk until the grass changed to a narrow, worn dirt path. Birds in the surrounding trees called out to one another, and maybe to her. Almost there. Her pulse raced with excitement. The water gurgling in a nearby brook reassured her and the soft coos from a few ducks made her smile. It was peaceful here. The scent of woodsmoke in the air and the thin tendrils of smoke from the cottage chimney meant someone was home. Finn was there. He would hold her in his arms, and she would be safe. She belonged here, she belonged with him. She picked up her pace, hurrying to get home to Finn.

Another flash of white light filled the room, followed by more thunder. The candle sputtered and went out. The room plunged into total darkness. But this time she didn’t scream. She held a whimpering Alfie closer to her, the hammering of his heartbeat matched her own. She wouldn’t let go of him. It was up to her to keep him safe.

She scratched Alfie behind the ear. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t let anything hurt you.” Something shifted deep in Colleen’s psyche as she held Alfie close. She hummed her father’s favorite hymn, the one he used to sing to her every night at bedtime. She held Alfie close in her arms, rocking back and forth while she hummed. With startling clarity, she realized she wasn’t just taking care of the dog, she was taking care of the little girl she hadn’t been able to protect all those years ago. If she could, she would wrap her arms around that little girl and give her words of wisdom to reassure her.

“It’s okay to be afraid,” she said out loud. “Someone hurt you and it’s not your fault.” Tears flowed down her cheeks. “It’s not your fault,” she whispered again. “You’re strong and you will survive.”

She sobbed into Alfie’s warm fur, releasing the enormity of what happened to her. Once her tears stopped, she lifted her head. Strength shot through her body like a shock of adrenaline, revealing a powerful insight. The wound would always be there, but she didn’t have to be afraid of it anymore.

Colleen opened her eyes and focused all her attention on that single spot above the fireplace. This time she willed another flash of lightning so she could see the cottage again. The storm wouldn’t last forever, and the fear wouldn’t destroy her. She was strong. She was a survivor. She was a queen.

CHAPTER 30

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