Page 238 of Things We Never Got Over (Knockemout)
I pulled her shirt over my head. “Fine. Okay. So what’s the plan then?”
“We go out there. I’m you but I give Waylay the code.”
“What’s the code?”
“I say ‘I read this article on the devastation of the rainforest,’ and she knows it’s code for get ready to run.”
I supposed it was Tina’s version of having a family fire drill. “Okay. Then what?”
“She’ll make up the location of wherever she hid the thing. Dunc’ll send his guys to get it. You’ll leave to get celebratory chicken, but really you’ll go down to the car and call 911.”
This didn’t sound like a great plan. And I trusted my sister about as far as I could spit, which was not far at all. But I didn’t have any other options. “What will you do?” I stalled. “Even if you get past Duncan, there are men with guns outside.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to get Waylay out of here.”
I zipped her jeans and then stepped into her boots.
We looked at each other.
“Your boobs are exploding out of my shirt,” I observed.
She reached for the roll of toilet paper. “Stuff.”
“Seriously?” I squeaked.
“As long as you and me have big tits, he won’t notice the difference. He’s seven beers into his night.”
“You have got to get better taste in men,” I complained as I shoved wads of toilet paper into my bra.
She shrugged. “He’s not so bad when he’s not drunk.”
“Yo! Ladies! Get your asses out here. I’m ready to shoot someone.”
“He sounds like a dreamboat,” I grumbled.
“Try not to walk like you got a stick up your ass,” Tina hissed, shoving me toward the door.
“Try
to talk like you didn’t have to cheat your way through the eighth grade.”
We returned to Bachelor Central, and I was relieved to see that Waylay was still alive and looking mutinous. Waylon was sitting next to her chair like a guard. His tail thumped when he saw me, and I worried that Duncan would notice.
Fortunately, he was too engrossed in a video game that apparently involved shooting scantily dressed women.
“Ha! Suck my barrel, bitch!”
Tina cleared her throat and looked at Waylay. “I read this article on the devastation of the rainforest.”
Waylay’s eyes widened above the duct tape. I nodded at her, and then at her mother. She blinked twice. Tina elbowed me.
“Ouch. I mean, quit blabbering about reading shit and go sit down over there… by my kid,” I said, tossing my hair over my shoulder and gesturing in Waylay’s direction.
“Waylay, honey sweetie pie, are you okay? I’m so sorry this is all happening. It’s all my fault probably because I’m so snobby and act like I’m better than everyone,” Tina said, flopping down on the torn ottoman next to her daughter. Her knees spread wide, and I could see straight up my—er, her—skirt.
Waylay rolled her eyes.
Behind me, I heard Duncan get to his feet. I was startled by a stinging slap on my butt. “That ass is lookin’ mighty fine in those jeans tonight, Teen,” he said before shotgunning the rest of his beer. He threw the can over his shoulder and belched.
