Page 15 of East (The Moral Compass 3)

I knew he’d come banging on the door and shouting at me, so I held back my tears until I knew the coast was clear. It’s a trick I learned as a child. Having three older brothers who delighted in making me cry, I discovered how to hold in the hurt and wait. I can turn off my emotions like a switch. By the age of twelve, I could hold back tears for two full hours, and by the age of twenty-one, I could hold them back indefinitely. Every time West chased off one of my boyfriends, I would wait until I knew it was safe to let out the pain and anger. Until I was truly alone. And today is no different.

I know Zed expected me to be a snivelling cling on, but that’s just not me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cold-hearted. I feel like shit. I want to cry. I want to tell him he’s a fucking arsehole. But I won’t give him the satisfaction.

Never in my wildest fantasies did I see the morning after being such a shit show. I always imagined being spooned and making love again and then having breakfast in bed, not being yelled at and called a liar.

The coast is clear. I’m in my room, and Zed is with Drake trying to find out more about Margarite. So, I let the flood gates open. I turn on the TV and the radio and go sit in the shower. It doesn’t take long before the tears fall. I’m not upset. I’m fucking angry. Angry at Zed and angry at my brothers. It’s their fault I was a twenty-six-year-old virgin. Every single guy that has come close to being important enough has been either scared off or manipulated by one of them. All except Zed. He still slept with me knowing who my brothers are and the consequences, and because I didn’t tell him my deepest secret, that chance of happiness is done and dusted.

It’s only a short time before the tears stop. It’s another trick. Let them flow and make them stop. Self-pity never helped anyone. Get up, get dressed, and tell the world to fuck right off. It’s the same thing I tried to tell North when Kara left him, but his heart was shattered. I really worried for him. I honestly thought that if she didn’t come back, he would never move on. But luckily for him, she did come back. And that reminds me, I need to ring West. I think I’ll text him though. He’ll know something’s off if I speak to him.

East: Hey, sorry I didn’t ring back earlier. I totally forgot. Everything okay?

West: Yes, Sutton was just worried. You’ve been quiet since you went back to New York. Are you okay?

East: I am absolutely fine. Couldn’t be better.

West: Hmm, okay. Well, Sutton told me that you still have a thing for dickhead Drake, and you were pissed about him and Alicia. Are you sure you’re okay?

East: Ha ha, yeah. She can have him. He’s as big of a dick as his brother.

Shit… Why did I press send? West has never told me that Drake and Zed are brothers. Shit, he’s going to know I’m here.

West: I’m glad you’ve come to your senses. Drake is a dick, but Zed is a top bloke. Don’t put those two in the same bag, East. Sutton says hi, and we’ll see you soon. As soon as the girls can fly, we might come out for a week or so.

Oh great. My possessive brother and his triplets. Oh, the joy. I can’t say anything bad about Sutton, she is really the best, but come on. My apartment might be oversized for a single person, but it is no good for five more humans. No way.

East: Sounds amazing. Can’t wait. I miss you all so much.

West: Are you sure you are okay?

East: Yes, now go away. I’m busy. Bye xxx.

I curl up with my phone on the bed. My eyes flutter closed, and I drift off into a lovely dream. A dream of being the apple of someone’s eye. The one person they would do anything for. I’m dreaming that I’m in an open-top sports car being driven through the open roads of the English countryside. A man is driving the car, and I’m the passenger.

We stop for lunch. There’s a picnic blanket, and all the food is laid out in a wide-open field full of wildflowers. The man in my dream holds my hand and then produces the most exquisite diamond ring. My dream shifts, and I am in a church. Looking down the aisle, butterflies race around my tummy, and as I get to the altar, I look up to my groom—

“East? East! Wake up. Are you okay?” a deep voice whispers quietly as my body is being shaken.

Zed.Fucking Zed.

“What the fuck?” I jump up with a start. “I was just getting to see who I was marrying. What the hell do you want?”

“What are you talking about?” Zed laughs.

“I was having a wonderful dream, and you disturbed it.” I yawn.

“East? Have you been crying?”

“No! Why the hell would I have been crying? I’ve been asleep. You’ve just woke me up, remember?”

The shit head can fucking tell. Years I’ve gone fooling the male species, but this one can fucking tell.

“I think we need to talk about last night.” He sits down next to me on the bed.

“I disagree. I think you said everything you needed to say this morning. And what’s the point? I’m a liar, after all.”

“For God’s sake, East. Okay, I’m sorry for saying that this morning, but you have no idea why I was angry.”

“Yes, I do.”

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