Page 20 of East (The Moral Compass 3)

“Not like that anyway. I’ve told you twice now, and I’m not in the habit of repeating myself like a freaking parrot,” I bitch at him.

“Well, there’s only one thing for it, then.” He turns around and sets off walking. I’m still attached to him with my legs wrapped around him. I feel like a child.

“Where are we going?” I giggle.

“You’ll see.”

“What? What will I see? Will I see your dick? Is that what you’re going to show me? I’ve already seen it, and it is actually very nice.” I look at him, stunned at the words that have just fallen out of my mouth.

He starts to laugh, and I mean really laugh, to the point where he very nearly drops me and falls over. He manages to support us both against another wall while he kisses me again. When he breaks, he looks behind him, and there on a huge red sign read the words ‘Candlelight Wedding Chapel’.

“Shall we?” he asks.

“Are you actually fucking serious?” I fire back at him.

“Oh, I am so serious, East. I don’t think I have ever been this serious.” He starts to laugh again.

“Really, Zed, this is stupid. You can go and get laid anytime anywhere. You don’t have to marry me to get your dick wet.”

“Ah, you see, East. You don’t understand at all, do you? When you said that you would only have sex with someone else if you were married to them, that hurt. I don’t want you having sex with anyone else. And I am not afraid of your brothers. So, if you don’t marryme, you probably won’t have sex ever again.” He starts laughing again.

“Stop laughing at me or I will punch you in that self-confessed huge dick of yours.” But this time, I am laughing with him.

“Look, East, you are the only one for me. You know my job nearly as well as I do, you understand the business and to top it all off, you’re hot as fuck. Now, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife so I can fuck you stupid or what?”

I honestly don’t know how he said all that through the laughing and the heavy breathing, but you know what…?

“Okay. Let’s go and get married.” Tears are streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I really don’t know why I’ve just agreed to this, but right now it seems really logical and very reasonable.

We enter the chapel through the double doors. I expect it to be really cheesy and all plastic, but it’s actually really beautiful. There are stunning white flowers, and the lady at the desk is dressed immaculately. Not a singing Elvis in sight.

She asks what package we want and takes a copy of our driver’s licences. Then, she asks about witnesses. We require two. She will be one of them, but we need another completely independent one.

Just when I think it’s all going to end, the lady appears to be followed by the one and only Margarite, who just happens to be walking by as the lady went outside to see if she could find a passing stranger. What are the chances of that? It’s totally amazing.

Margarite looks so pleased to see us both and hurries into the chapel to take her place.

The next thing to do is choose the rings. I pick out a delicate band that matches the one he has picked for himself.

“You’re not having that. It looks cheap. No. You can have this…” He picks up the most disgusting ring I have ever seen. The diamond is so huge, it’s ugly.

“I am not wearing that fucking monstrosity,” I whisper angrily.

“Oh, right, no,” he says excitedly as he hands the ring back to the gentleman behind the counter and picks up a beautiful blue sapphire.

“Here, I think this is better. This one is nearly the colour of your eyes. Your beautiful ocean-blue eyes. That’s the first thing I noticed about you, you know?” As Zed hands over his card and pays for the rings, he starts laughing again, and so do I.

By the time we are at the altar, we are both hysterical. Margarite has to chastise us three times to get the vows right. Then, after what seems like seconds, we are pronounced husband and wife. Before the officiant can say “you may kiss the bride,” his lips are on mine in a very exaggerated sweeping kiss. So exaggerated, he nearly drops me again.

We receive two copies of the marriage certificate, and away we go. Margarite somehow had confetti in her bag and gives us a beautiful rainbow-coloured shower as we leave the chapel.

“I’ll drop the photos off for you both in the morning. Have fun tonight, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She chuckles and then suddenly disappears.

“So then, Mr. O’Brien, what are you going to do with your new wife?”

“Well, Mrs. O’Brien, I’m going to fuck you till you remember you’ve just changed your name.” He laughs again. It’s like we’ve been given laughing gas; we both can’t stop.

“With your tiny legs, it’ll be daylight before we get to the room. Jump on my back. I can’t carry you through the casino, but I can give you a piggyback. And I want you in that room as fast as my legs can carry us.”

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