Page 44 of Golden

Even if this kills me and ruins the grades I’ve worked so hard for over the last three years, Sol’s answering smile is enough to make me glad of my insanity.

“Great,” Dean Mason says, clapping his hands together. “Let’s talk numbers.”

My head is a mess as I try and follow along. It’s little more than brainstorming, and I mention a few things I’ve thought of over the break, but I’m distracted as hell. For the rest of the meeting, my brain is running algorithms. Playing out the different ways things could go and the consequences of each one.

By the time Dean Mason pushes off the desk and shakes our hands, I’ve reached a conclusion. Whatever happens between me and Sol can’t get serious. There are still three months until this event, which is already cutting it kind of fine in terms of planning, but if things get awkward between us it’s going to fuck everything up. Now I’ve agreed to do this, in front of the dean, I can’t back out without looking like an absolute asshole. Which means, even if things do go to shit, I’ve got to stick it out.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I blink in surprise when Sol knocks his shoulder against mine and I realize we’re already halfway down the corridor.

“You okay?” he asks. “I mean, I know you always have the whole broody silent thing going on, but you seem quieter than usual.”

I huff. “You barely know me.”

Hurt flashes in his eyes and I press my lips together to hold in the apology. After all, it’s the truth. We’ve had a handful of short conversations, one kiss and a blowjob. It doesn’t qualify him to act like he knows me. My teeth clamp down on my cheek as I realize that’s exactly what I’ve been doing the last few weeks. Assuming. A fuck ton.

“Why don’t we fix that, then?” Sol says, his tone light but his face tight with tension.

We reach the stairs and I let him take the lead. “Fix what?”

“That I don’t know you. Want to grab lunch?”

As we reach the bottom of the steps and head for the large doors opening out onto the slush-covered common, I run through a list of pros and cons in my head. “We really should put some work in on the project. Three months isn’t nearly enough time. If you can give me a few ideas of how you want things to look, I can get started on the promotional material so Dean Mason can get it circulated to the board, alumnae and parents.”

Sol stops when we reach the path, his eyebrows raised. “You had practice this morning, right?”

I shrug.

“Surely, you’re hungry? Or did you have a huge breakfast afterwards?”

Before I can give an excuse, my stomach rumbles and I roll my eyes as Sol grins triumphantly. “Fine. I’m hungry.”

“Why don’t we grab some food and talk about the promo stuff, then?” Sol suggests, shifting his bag higher on his shoulder as his breath clouds between us. “Grinds? The dining hall? The Den? Your place?”

His cheeks pinken at the suggestion of my place and my pulse quickens. There’s a clear turning point here. We can do this in public as two students working on a collaborative project, or we can do this in private where there’s a much higher chance my mouth might end up on his. I decided I was going to chase him, right? It’s hard to do that when you’re running in the opposite direction, but there’s something about Sol that has my survival instinct screaming at me to turn and walk away.

“Let’s grab some food from the dining hall and take it to my room,” I say, as my brain groans and my dick cheers.

Sol’s skin pinkens further and I fight the desire to lean in and kiss the warm skin on his cheeks.

“Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

We don’t talk as we dip our chins into our coats against the crisp January chill. The grass is still covered in snow, but the path has been salted and cleared, leaving puddles of brown slush everywhere. It’s only eleven, so the hall is quiet and as we stand in line to pay for our sandwiches and chips, Sol sighs.

“Why is this so fucking awkward?”

My lips twitch, even as my shoulders sag a little in relief. “I don’t know.”

“How was your break?”

I shrug. “It was good. Nice to see my friends.”

“Is that who you were out with?” he asks, swiping his card to pay for his food.

“Yeah,” I reply, as unease squirms in my gut.And I got sucked off and pretended it was you.“Toby and Shawna. We’ve been friends forever.”

“So, Seattle, huh?” he asks as I pay for mine. “And you drive home?”

I shrug. “I like the peace and quiet.”

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