Page 77 of Once Removed (Blackhawk Security)

Chapter 24

Finally, Mel Melbourne and Devlin Smith left the house, promising to contact Brody when they’d finalized the purchase of the compound property. He walked them to the door, then waited on the porch until their truck had passed through the gate and turned onto the highway. Only when their headlights disappeared around the curve in the direction of Helena did Brody return to the house.

He turned toward the living room, where Lainey waited, and took a deep breath. Shoved his hands into his pockets to hide their shaking. This was possibly the most important conversation he’d had since that long-ago day when his thirteen-year-old self sat across a sticky McDonald’s table from Rose, his new DCFS case worker.

As much as he hated talking about his past, hated talking about his feelings, he knew he had to have this conversation. If he didn’t, Lainey wouldn’t push. Wouldn’t yell at him. She’d simply pack up her belongings and move back into Helena, taking Phoebe with her.

All the magic he’d found with her, all the comfort, all the love, would vanish in the dust trail behind Lainey’s SUV. And the tentative, fragile family he and Lainey and Phoebe had created would be gone, as well. Just like that dust settling on the pasture.

He couldn’t bear for that to happen. So he took a deep breath, steeled himself and headed into the living room.

Lainey had been studying her hands, staring hard at her lap. When his boots struck the wood floor with a hollow sound, she looked up. Gave him a strained smile. “Hey, Brody.”

“Hey, yourself,” he said, dropping into the chair beside her. A small table separated them. That, and every one of his fears.

Lainey shifted in the chair so she was facing him and tucked one leg beneath her. “Do you want to talk, Brody? If not, that’s fine. It’s been a really long, emotional day. We can wait.”

He studied her, unable to read her expression. She’d put up a wall the last couple of days, and it scared him that he couldn’t read her. “Is that what you want to do, Lainey? Wait?”

“No,” she said, surprising the hell out of him. “I’d like to talk now. Get it all out in the open. It’s the only way we can get past this and move forward.”

“Wasn’t sure you wanted to do that,” Brody said quietly.

She frowned. “Do what? Talk?”

“Move forward,” he said, raising his head to study her reaction.

She recoiled as if she’d been struck. “Are you saying you don’t want to move forward?” she asked after a long moment.

“I didn’t say that.” He frowned at her. Were all women this hard to read?

“Sure sounded like it,” she retorted. “If this is too hard for you, if you want to keep your secrets, that’s your choice. But you have to tell me that. In those words.”

Brody took a deep breath. Lainey pulled no punches. But he shouldn’t be surprised. She hadn’t pulled any punches since the first time he’d walked into her office, looking only for an accountant.

He’d found so much more. But if he wasn’t straight with her, it would all disappear like a mirage on hot pavement.

So he took a breath. Another. “I want to move forward, Lainey. I want you in my life. But I’ve never talked about my past with anyone.”

“Not even Rose? Or your father?” she asked, one eyebrow raised.

He shifted in the chair. “Yeah, I talked to Rose. I had to. I was at the end of my rope. And she was sympathetic. She cared. It all came pouring out.”

Lainey tilted her head, studying him, and he felt like a bug, pinned to a board. “What about your father?”

Brody shook his head. “I didn’t say much to him. He already felt guilty that I’d had to spend two years in that home. If he’d known what it was like, he never would have forgiven himself.”

“Didn’t Rose get you counseling?” she asked.

He shook his head again. “She would have had to tell my father why. And I didn’t want him to feel like he’d failed me.”

“But he did fail you,” Lainey said.

“He didn’t even know about me, Lainey. My mother took off with all his petty cash before he knew she was pregnant.” His jaw worked, remembering all the nights he’d been left alone at far too young an age. “I don’t remember a lot about my life with her, but she wasn’t cut out to be a mother.”

“I’m sorry, Brody.” Lainey reached across the table for his hand. “I know this is dredging up old, ugly memories for you. It’s got to be hard. Painful.”

She swallowed and dropped her gaze. Stared at her hands, twisted together in her lap. “But we can’t be in an intimate relationship if the sharing only goes one way,” she whispered. “Telling you about my past, about the mistakes I made with Ron, was painful. Humiliating. I’ve never told anyone some of the things I told you. But I opened myself up to you, because I wanted to be honest. I didn’t want any secrets between us.”

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