Page 39 of Fool Me Once (Blackhawk Security)

Chapter 12

Gideon looked at the tear glittering on his fingertip and his hardened heart softened. Even a strong woman like Alex needed someone to lean on. Someone she could count on.

Someone more… more caring than that worm Jerry Trotter.

But Gideon sure wasn’t in the running. He’d been fired from his FBI job, the only job he’d ever wanted. He was single-minded in pursuit of his goal, and because of that, he’d lied to her at the beginning. But she needed someone now, and he was here. Available. As far as he could tell, Alex didn’t have many people in her life she could count on, besides her business partner.

And Sierra was almost a thousand miles away.

So Gideon reached out slowly. Settled his hands on Alex’s waist and slowly drew her closer. He gave her plenty of time to pull away. To step back and smooth over the awkward moment.

When she didn’t resist, he pulled her against his chest. Wrapped his arms around her and cupped the back of her head. Her hair was thick. Warm. Soft as silk as it flowed around his fingers. When she burrowed closer, he tucked her head into his neck. Smoothed one hand down her back, over and over.

She took a deep breath, and her body shuddered against his. Eventually her muscles relaxed, and she melted into him. Took one more juddering breath, then wrapped her arms around him and clung.

They stood plastered together from their chests to their knees. He tried to ignore the pressure of her breasts against his chest. The way his body fit so perfectly against hers. The need that surged to life.

He focused instead on Alex. From what he knew of her, she’d hate like hell to look needy. Vulnerable.

Everyone had moments when their defenses were down, but he suspected Alex hated to show any weakness. He’d bet she hid those rare moments of vulnerability beneath a shell of toughness, strength and grit. But no one could be strong all the time.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured to Alex. “Your marriage is over, but that’s good. You don’t need a loser like Jerry Trotter in your life.”

She drew a deep breath, then eased away so she could look at him. “But I chose him. Married him. What does that say about me?”

“I know nothing of your life before Jerry hired me to kill you,” he said quietly. “Nothing that would explain why you married him. But no one can judge you without living in your shoes. In hindsight, yeah, he was probably a bad decision. But you had your reasons. And you got out. You ended the marriage. He tried to poison you, for God’s sake. Don’t shed tears for him.”

She swallowed and shook her head. “Wasn’t crying for Jerry. I was crying for my lack of courage. My inability to open up. My failure to choose a relationship based on love and trust.”

“Love has to go two ways,” he said, studying her bright green eyes. “So does trust. Knowing what I know about Jerry, and what I know about you, I’m guessing you never got either love or trust from Trotter. The failure of a marriage is always shared. No one is perfect.”

She tilted her head and studied him. “Have you ever been married?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Never even came close, which is maybe worse than getting caught in a failed marriage.”

“Why?”

“It means I never put in the time to build a relationship. Never invested in one. Never let myself trust someone completely.”

“Maybe you never met someone you could trust completely.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “Possibly. Or maybe I’m not relationship material.”

She studied his eyes, and he wondered what she was looking for. Finally she said, “I think that’s just an excuse. Being in a relationship is hard. It’s a lot of work.” She sighed. “Not that I’d know. There was only one guy…”

When she didn’t continue, he asked, “One guy who what?”

“One guy who might have been worth it. But we were both so young. Sophomores in college. It destroyed me when we split up, but I know it was the right thing to do. We had different goals. Different plans.” She shook her head. “It wouldn’t have worked. And if we’d gotten married anyway, it would have broken my heart when we inevitably divorced.”

“Trotter didn’t break your heart.” He knew it was true.

“No.” She swallowed and looked at the floor. “I found out, listening to him talk to you, that he married me because he thought I’d make a lot of money when I graduated law school. I married him because… because I didn’t have to think about him. He was always there. If he lacked… ambition, if he was a little lazy, I told myself I had enough ambition for both of us.” She sighed. “Not the way marriage is supposed to work.”

“No, it’s not. But you’re out of it now. Maybe next time you’ll make a better choice.”

“If there is a next time.” She stepped away from him. “Thank you for letting me lean on you. I feel… better than I did. Still a little sad, but I’d be a monster if I wasn’t a little sad the day my divorce was final.”

“Considering it was from a guy who’s trying to kill you, I’d say you’re being generous to feel any sadness at all.”

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