Page 164 of One in Three

I wait in a daze as the officer tests the intoximeter, and then asks me to blow in it again, twice, to ensure an accurate reading. I don’t need to be told how much trouble I’m in. How am I supposed to get the children to and from school if I lose my licence? How am I supposed to work?

‘You’ve passed the intoximeter,’ the officer says unexpectedly. ‘Just.Your lowest measurement was 34. You won’t be charged on this occasion, madam.’

I gawp at him. ‘Ipassed?’

‘Your current sample puts you below the legal drink drive limit. However,’ he adds, as sternly as his youth and innate niceness will allow, ‘I would strongly recommend that in future, you don’t drive after a heavy night’s drinking. Driving while impaired can have very serious consequences, even if you are legally below the limit.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ I gasp. ‘Thank yousomuch.’

‘No need to thank me. You’ve been extremely lucky this time, Mrs Page.’

I’m not going to be arrested. I wasn’t drunk, or criminally irresponsible. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I say breathlessly. ‘I had no idea I could still be over the limit. It won’t happen again, I swear.’

‘You’re free to go. Will you require transport back to your vehicle?’

I can’t face the shame of getting back into the police car. I’d rather walk. ‘No, it’s OK. I’ll call my mother now, and see if she can pick us up.’ I glance around the reception area, where I left Bella and Tolly. ‘Do you know where my children are?’

‘Their father collected them a few moments ago,’ the officer behind the desk says. ‘It’s all right, madam, we verified his identity. If you’re quick, they’ll still be outside.’

Andrew is fitting Tolly’s car seat into the rear of Caz’s Audi, struggling to get the seatbelt through its slots. ‘What’s going on?’ I exclaim.

He finally clicks the buckle into place, and straightens up.‘Bella texted and asked me for a lift to school,’ he says shortly. ‘They didn’t know how long you were going to be.’

Caz leans across the front seat. ‘How could you be so irresponsible?’ she demands through the open window. ‘What if something had happened to them while you were drunk behind the wheel?’

‘Iwasn’tdrunk,’ I snap. I lean into the back of the car. ‘Bella, Tolly, out you get. I’ve sorted everything out, it’s all fine. Come on, Bella,’ I add, as she just sits there. ‘We need to get going, you’re late enough as it is.’

‘You haven’t got a car, Mum,’ she mutters.

‘We’ll take them to school,’ Andrew says. ‘We can sort everything else out later.’

I’m about to refuse, but Bella looks at me in silent appeal, and I realise how desperate she is for me not to make a scene. ‘OK,’ I say reluctantly. ‘You take them. I’ll pick them up this afternoon.’

‘I’llpick them up,’ Caz snaps.

‘Look, why don’t you take a day or two for yourself?’ Andrew adds. ‘Get yourself sorted out. The kids can stay here in Brighton with Caz. We were taking Friday off anyway, for your mother’s party, so it’s not a problem. We can talk again then.’

‘Get myself sorted out?’ I repeat. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

He doesn’t meet my eye. ‘Maybe it’d be better if Tolly and Bella spent some time with us. Just till you’re on an even keel again. I know you’ve had a lot going on, and maybe it’s all been a bit too much.’

‘We don’t want you backsliding,’ Caz adds bitchily. ‘Getting overwrought like you did with Roger Lewison. I hear last time was awful.’

I suddenly feel as if all the air has been sucked out of my lungs.She’s going after my children.It’s the last card she has left to play. That’s why she set me up with the police; a drink-drive conviction would be a huge black mark against me if Andrew ever contested custody. She wants to take my children from me.

‘Dad, I’ve got to get to school,’ Bella urges from the car. ‘I’m super late already.’

Andrew can’t even look at me as he gets in the car. I watch him drive away, trembling with suppressed rage. Howcouldhe tell her about Roger? That was private, personal information! It cost me a great deal even to tell him, and I only did that because I wanted to be totally honest with him before we got married. How many times does he have to let me down before I wise up? Just hours ago, this man was in my bed, telling me he’d never stopped loving me. Now, he’s using the most intimate details of my past to suggest I’m so unstable my own children aren’t safe with me. I don’t think I’ve ever hated him before, but I do right now.

I pull up the camera roll on my phone, and scroll to the one I want. My secrets are out in the open. It’s about time Caz’s were, too.

Chapter 36

Caz

I can’t even bear to breathe the same air as Andy as we drive the children to their schools from the police station. Overnight, my pain and betrayal have hardened into cold, unrelenting anger. I have no idea where we go from here. The thought of sharing my bed with him makes my skin crawl. But the idea of life without Andy opens a yawning pit in my soul. I hate myself for it, but I still love him. How do I reconcile two such warring impulses? How do I fight for him when my first impulse is to throw him into the street and bar the door?

Maybe if he’d stood up for me when this vendetta with Louise kicked off a few weeks ago, things would never have got so out of hand. That woman feeds off his weakness. She’d never have dared do half the things she’s done if he’d planted his flag firmly in my corner, instead of trying to please both of us. My bitterness is so thick I can taste it. I’m never going to be free of her. Andy’s not going to fight for me, no matter what she does. He’s never fought for me yet.

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