Page 16 of Monsters Within (The Creatures We Crave 1)
When I opened the door to my dorm for the first time a couple hours later, the first thing I did was pull out my journal and fall onto the bed that was bare of sheets. My monsters had reassured me that their lives wouldn’t be the same without me, that I mattered to them and that I couldn’t just disappear without them noticing.
I couldn’t hold back my sobs this time, curling my fists together and hiding my face in Elwin’s neck as all of my pent-up anger and grief flowed through me. I had suppressed it for so long, never feeling like I had a safe place to let it out besides my notebook.
I cried for the child that had desperately wanted a family.
I cried for the teen that had never fit in despite trying so hard to make friends.
I cried for me, the woman who had built up so many walls because of the pain she’d endured. She’d decided not feeling at all and numbing those emotions was easier.
I’d become a shell of who I wanted to be.
“We’ve always been here,” Elwin whispered as he stroked my hair gently.
“And we will never leave,” Lucien added, growling slightly.
Kylo whispered, “It’s us until the end, darling.”
“How can this be real? Where have you been this whole time?” I choked out. “You were just dreams of the monsters I wanted so desperately to be real.”
“All I know is that if you’re the dreamer,” Elwin murmured, “I’m honored to be your dream.”
His words had my trembling subsiding, and I reached up to wipe away the tears from my face. Sniffling, I pulled back to look up at him, then Lucien and Kylo. “Where are you from? Because in my reality, you were just figments of my imagination that I escaped to in stories I wrote. I thought I had created you, but that can’t be possible.”
Had I perhaps seen them when I was young? Maybe my mind had remembered it subconsciously and latched onto it, refusing to let go of them.
But that didn’t explain how they knew everything about my life as it was written in my notebooks.
Kylo grunted before he changed into his human form and came to sit next to us on the bed. His sapphire blue eyes pierced through the dark with their soft glow, illuminating his square jaw, dimples that were always somewhat on display, and messy dark hair that was somehow stylish. But I wanted to see all of him. I wanted to see all of them with the lights on and to run my hands over their bodies to get it through my head that this was really happening.
That they were here with me.
“Come here, darling,” Kylo softly commanded.
Elwin immediately let go, and I scrambled out of his lap and fell into Kylo’s embrace as he reached out for me. His musk of sandalwood soothed me as it floated around me like a cocoon in his embrace. Much as Lucien had done before, he leaned back against the wall and I curled up on top of him, resting my head over where his heart would be if he were human.
I wasn’t sure if my men had hearts, but I knew they had souls. Perhaps that was what glowed in their monster forms and what thrummed steadily beneath my ear.
Soon enough, Lucien was plopping down in the middle of Elwin and Kylo, nuzzling his face into my back and peppering kisses onto my skin. Closing my eyes, I tried to not overthink everything about this situation.
I had about a million and one questions right now, but none that couldn’t wait. For now, I was just going to soak up their presence and let my walls slowly crumble down with each passing minute.
They were my safety and my heart. I could finally trust that someone would be there to catch me if anything went wrong.
Something in my soul told me that this was the strongest decision I’d ever made, letting go and accepting I didn’t have all the answers and had absolutely no control over what was going on. Choosing to be vulnerable and let them in. It was going to be hard, but damn was it going to be worth it.
My heart was home.
