Page 38 of Monsters Within (The Creatures We Crave 1)
I leaned my head to the side as he continued down, kissing the sensitive skin of my neck, right on top of my pulsing vein. “I love you for the way you’ve continued to live, even though I know in your mind, you’ve thought about how much easier it would be to not.”
That caused me to bite down on my lip harshly, because there was one story that only he would know about—I had written it to be only him and I. Tears sprung to my eyes, and I silently cursed this newfound emotional side of me as the story played back in my mind.
“You saved me,” I whispered and closed my eyes as the tears fell down the corners of them, running into my hair.
That pain still felt so real when I thought of my emotional state that night. My foster parents at the time were heavy drinkers, and they’d come to my room, absolutely reeking of alcohol like they were sweating it out through their pores. I had been so young, struggling already with transitioning into a new home after being displaced from the previous.
I’d had so many questions, constantly asking who my parents were and why they didn’t want me. Wondering why no one wanted to keep me in their home and why it seemed like I brought out the worst out in people.
That night, they’d come in and verbally assaulted me. Telling me that I was worthless, that the only reason they even took me in was to bring in a little extra cash for bills. That all I ever would be to others was a burden, and that it was no wonder my parents gave me up.
They told me as soon as their debts were paid, I’d be gone. That’s all I was worth to them.
I’d cried, asking why they were saying such hurtful things, and begged them to leave me alone. Ducking under my flimsy blanket on the twin bed I’d been given, I’d tried to hide from them, from the pain they’d inflicted on me. It was like a thousand paper cuts to my heart—not enough to kill me but enough to make me wonder if the pain was worth suffering through.
I’d seen the countertops full of pill bottles constantly in the kitchen, and had been warned to never touch them. They told me if the pills didn’t kill me, they would kill me for touching their belongings.
The idea ran through my mind as I sobbed beneath the blanket, desperately trying to block their voices out as I asked the universe for what felt like the millionth time: Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?
After they finally left the room that night, I had been too afraid to head to the kitchen for the pills. I didn’t want to cross paths with them, so instead I pulled out a notebook and a flashlight I’d found, staying under the covers that provided the only semblance of safety I could find in this home.
I was too young to fully describe my emotional state to Elwin at the time, or just how fragile I’d been at the moment, but he had held me in his four arms, cocooning me in his shadows like I felt the blanket was doing to me in real life. Holding me until the tears dried and until I felt like I was worth something to someone.
He’d made me promise to come find him if the darkness ever creeped in again, and in return he promised that he and his brothers would never let anything bad happen to me.
That was the night I realized how badly I needed them, and I had never missed a night of creating stories and visiting with them after that.
Every night since then, they’d proven that I wasn’t alone.
“Come back to me, love,” he whispered, pulling me onto my side and tucking me against him once more. It roused me from the memories, and I opened my eyes, lashes wet with fresh tears. His hand traced soothing circles on my back until my trembling subsided.
“There’s one more reason,” he admitted softly, pulling back and glancing down at me.
Sniffling, I looked up at him and asked, “What is it?”
Even though I felt raw from the memory surfacing and reliving it mentally, I still felt so damn safe in his arms. I still felt the happiness of this tender moment between us and the desire to smile as he lowered his head to drop a kiss above my beating heart, not breaking eye contact with me as he did.
“I love the way you love us.”
