My smile was somewhat bemusing, though I was glad to see that he was happy to see me. I wasn’t sure last time, and when we left, his eyes had still been red, as if he wanted to cry.
Neither Logan nor I had commented on it, though I knew Logan knew why Mathew had looked like that.
“Hayden. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? Is Logan here with you?”
I shook my head. “No, I came alone. And I didn’t know I was going to come here until I actually got into the car, so…” I trailed off, and his smile widened. “Would you like to join me for an early dinner?”
“Really?” The eager smile was back on his face, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“I would love to. Thank you, sweetheart.”
He took the seat across from me, and our server came back. Mathew ordered a Coke and the server left us alone. Mathew looked over at me, his eyes unwavering, and I resisted the urge to fidget, not knowing why he was looking at me like that.
“Is this a typical night for you?” I asked.
“Oh, yes. I think I’m here more than I’m at home.”
“Why? Don’t you want to go home?”
He shrugged. “It’s just a place I rest my head at night sometimes.”
I looked away. Although I had dreamed about finally getting a good, steady job after school, I didn’t want that job to be such a huge part of my life that everything else ceased to matter.
“Why does that make you sad?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “My life was better when Logan and Veena were still living with me. But those kids are so independent. They both wanted to make it out on their own, and I can’t really blame them. But it gets a little lonely now, and this restaurant is all I have.”
“I know Logan and Veena miss you. They want you to move closer to them.”
His lips twisted in a small, amused smile. “Yes, I know. Veena tells me so every time she comes to visit me.”
“They miss you,” I said softly. “It obvious how much they respect and admire you. Both Veena and Logan are very lucky to have you in their lives.”
I looked down at the table, taking note of all the scratch marks there. I wondered if he could hear the wistfulness in my voice.
He was quiet for a moment, then, “Do you ever want that?”
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“I mean, if it were possible to have that, to have someone who would love you and support you unconditionally, to, uh, have someone, a family member, despite the fact that it might cause a disruption to your life. Would you want that?”
I leaned back against the chair, understanding lightening my eyes. “Ah, you don’t have to feel sorry for me, Mathew. For the longest time, it was just me and mom. And yes, I sometimes wished we had more, but she had been enough for me, you know.”
“Of course, she was,” he defended fiercely. “I just mean, I wished you weren’t so alone after her passing.”
He looked like his heart was breaking over the thought, only I wasn’t sure why that would be. Did my situation remind him too much of Logan and Veena’s? They were probably the closest thing he had to children…
“I’m really okay. And look at how things turned out. I have Logan, and he’s… he’s really showing me a different way to live, you know?”
“I know I don’t have to ask you this, but I’m going to anyway. He’s treating you well?”
“Yes. You raised a wonderful man.”
He shot me a watery smile. “He is that, but I can’t take all the credit. He was already wonderful when I found him.”