Page 30 of The Lost and the Found

Hayden

Logan was late.

I’d been waiting outside for the past ten minutes, and I had half a mind to go back inside, since Dave was still there. At this point, I wasn’t even sure if Logan was still coming. I debated just walking home.

Thanks to the winter coat, it wasn’t as unbearable outside as it had been before. Now the only things getting cold were my legs and face. But the walk home wouldn’t be so bad, I was already convinced of that.

I shook my head. I was going to wait five more minutes, and then I’d walk home if he didn’t show. I knew the thing I had with Logan wouldn’t last, anyway. It was better this way; that he ended things now before I further invested myself in him—before I could start envisioning a future different than what I had planned… with Logan there.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, loving how thick the coat was without feeling heavy. The material was soft, and I knew from a single glance that it was expensive.

I still didn’t know what Logan did for living. It never occurred to me to ask. I didn’t feel the need to get to know him when he would be nothing more than temporary. At least, that was what I told myself.

Five minutes came and went, and still no sight of Logan anywhere.

I let out a sigh. I could count for small blessings, I supposed. It wasn’t snowing. It was just cold; the snow had long ago turned into ice.

I carefully made my way across the slippery parking lot until I reached the sidewalk. From there, it was only seven blocks to my house.It wasn’t like it was downtown, so it usually took me about fifteen to twenty minutes to get home on a good night. But I was walking at a much slower pace with the ice.

One block in, I noticed headlights. I didn’t know why I expected it to be Logan, but the thought that he’d shown up after all made my heart beat excitedly in my chest. I told myself it was because it meant I was no longer walking in the cold, but I knew there were other reasons as well.

When the car drove past me, and it didn’t turn out to be his Mercedes, disappointment churned low in my belly.

I hated this.

I hated how much he had affected me, and in such little time.I was an idiot.

I kept my head down and continued my walk. I had almost lost all the feeling in my feet, since the boots I wore were nothing against the below-freezing temperature at night. I passed the second block when another car passed by. This time, I didn’t let myself get my hopes up.

Logan wasn’t coming.

The car passed me on the way, only to stop when it was about thirty feet from where I stood. My eyes try to make out the model in the dark, and when I caught sight of it, my heart skipped a beat. I walked quickly to the car, which had the windows rolled down and the light on inside. I could see a frantic-looking Logan inside.

I didn’t wait for an invitation, I just got in, and he rolled up the windows. I leaned back against the seat, loving how warm it was. It must have a built-in seat warmer. I let out a breathless moan.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Logan said. “There was an accident on my way over, and it took forever for them to clear the debris to let the cars pass.”

“It’s okay,” I said softly. “I didn’t think you’d show up.”

He frowned. I knew the expression, even in the dark. “Why would you think that? I said I would. I tried calling your phone, but I think the battery died or something, because I was sent straight to voicemail.”

I pulled out my phone and, sure enough, it was dead.

Calling him didn’t even cross my mind. I knew he didn’t owe me anything, that he was driving me because he wanted to, not because he had to. Calling him felt like I was stepping over a line somehow. I didn’t want it to come off like I was expecting him to drop everything for me.

“Are you so used to people disappointing you that you’ve come to expect that from me?”

I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it at the last second. What could I say? That no, I was not used to being disappointed by people. In order for that to happen, I would have had to have people in my life. I had none. I was all alone.

And even before, when it was just my mom and me, I wasn’t disappointed by her. She tried her best in a very unkind world, providing for me the best way she could. I hardly went without, even though other children had more than I ever did. I was blessed.

So no, I was not used to be disappointed by people, I wanted to say. I was just used to being alone, and it made no sense that Logan was even bothering with me at all.

I looked out the window on the short ride home, and when Logan pulled into the parking lot, I knew he didn’t plan on coming up. He left the car on, and the heat felt so good on my skin that I didn’t want to get out. But I knew I had to.

“Thank you. For showing up, even when you didn’t have to.” I made a move to open the door when he stopped me, his large hand cupping my elbow. I paused, then slowly turned to him, a world of questions in my eyes.

What do you want with me? Why are you so goddamn kind to me, when I could see it in your eyes that you’re not kind? What do you hope to get out of this?

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