Page 32 of The Lost and the Found

Hayden

Like on Mondays,Wednesdays were my day off from work and school, only I usually spent the entire day doing homework. It always felt like I was working against time. I couldn’t waste the day away doing nothing, not when I would be busy for the rest of the week.

And even as my schoolwork kept me busy, it wasn’t enough to push thoughts of Logan away. His hazel eyes haunted me throughout the day, no matter what I was doing. I spent way too much time thinking about his kiss and wondering whether I might get to kiss him again.

And that led to some dirty thoughts about him.

I wondered if he would be good in bed. Despite the hard life I’d led, I wasn’t as experienced as the other people my age. I had a grand total of two bed partners, and the first one wasn’t even memorable.

But I wasn’t naïve, I knew that.

I saw things most kids shouldn’t see while living on the streets. From prostitution and drug use, to people having sex and just about everything in between. I was no stranger to that. It was probably one of the reasons I never tried to explore that part of my life fully—I saw what it did to people. And for the longest time, my goal was to get off the street, get my degree and make something of myself. I didn’t want any of those things to be my downfall. Being a bartender meant I knew how to mix over two hundred different kind of drinks from memory… but I could count on one hand the number of times I had actually drank.

My main focus when I was sixteen was to survive on my own. I didn’t even think about my future then, only that I didn’t want to be another number in the murder or rape statistics. Being careful meant I didn’t have time to lose control by indulging in alcohol or drugs or sex. By the time I turned seventeen, I realized I didn’t want to live on the streets for the rest of my life: I had to go to college. Which meant I also had to get my GED, since I’d dropped out of my junior year of high school.

It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t able to go to college until I was twenty and was financially secure enough to be working less hours than I had been. And from then on, it was all about my future—a future so close to me, I could almost taste it.

I never felt I was missing out. If sex was viewed as nothing more than an exchange of bodily fluids and a means to get off, I didn’t much think I needed it. Sebastian had been the only exception to my no-indulgent rule. And he was a decision made from nothing more than melancholy and loneliness.

He was a distraction I didn’t feel regret over cutting out. I had kicked him out of my life as easily as I had let him in. And I hadn’t thought about getting into bed with another man since.

Yet, here I was, wondering about Logan in bed.

I bet he’d be good.

There was no way for him to look like that and not know what he was doing in the bedroom. And if his kisses were anything to go by, then I knew sex with him would be phenomenal.

But I couldn’t allow myself to let him in that easily. Unlike Sebastian, Logan looked and feel like the kind of man to ruin me so good, by the time he left, I would become someone I wouldn’t recognized, and I couldn’t decide whether or not that would be a good thing.

But I was tempted.

So fucking tempted to give in.

Just the thought of Logan doing those things to me…

My cheeks felt hot, and I knew I was turned on by the very idea.

Groaning, I closed my textbook and buried my head in the cushion of the couch. This was not helping.

If I wanted to indulge in sex again, it shouldn’t be with someone like Logan. It should be with someone I liked but would have no trouble walking away from. Someone safe. Someone… nice. Thoughts of the boy from my American Lit class came to mind. He looked… clean.

And that was saying a lot. He wouldn’t make me crazy. He wouldn’t make me lose focus on my plans for the future.

He would be forgettable.

And safe.

He would be another Sebastian.

I shook my head. Was I willing to use the boy to get over Logan? I didn’t think it would work, but the alternative was to give in to Logan, and that just sounded insane.

What if…

What if I fell in love with him?

What if I wanted more?

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