“Amber, we might still be able to have all that. You have just described my greatest heart’s desire, to be a family with you.”
“I didn’t know what I wanted until it was too late, Preston, and now, I’m terrified. I’m petrified that I’ll never get to have all those things with you. I’ll never get to give you what your heart desires. If I don’t win this trial, you are going to be punished too.”
She cries and apologises for a solid hour. Nothing I say stops her from beating herself up over her failings. One thing is clear: Amber needs distraction or she’s going to lose her mind. I therefore bring her onboard my mission to find how we reverse wolf manifestations.
As I approach the packhouse with my mother, Amber runs down the steps to me, her red hair flying out behind her.
“Preston, Preston! I’ve found something. For Lina to let go of the hurt, Eva has to confront the pain of the past that caused the manifestations. She has to confront everyone that has hurt her.”
I look at my mother for confirmation and she nods, adding, “Your mate is right, son: ‘kill it with love’ was the mantra of the healers in my old pack. People hold on to the pain of the past to remind them of what could go wrong. We have to help the new Luna let go of what hurt her.”
“How do we do that, exactly?” I am stumped, surely we can just tell her she has to let it go?
“Therapy, son, lots of talking therapy and confrontations. That’s what will help the Luna out now. It would help if Eva would open up about who hurt her and why and we can then proceed with caution.”
This is going to be a mammoth task!
*** Eva ***
Aiden has been preoccupied with whatever he found out while he was in Scotland. I want him to share these things with me, but he’s so stubborn at times that it's infuriating. He tells me he wants me to relax and it's not important, but I do worry about it.
The cell is a whole lot comfier now. Aiden had our whole bedroom brought down into my cell, and Summer’s belongings are now in the holding area. I am happier since I have my own bed back so I can sleep in Aiden’s arms each and every night, but more importantly, I am ecstatic to finally have room dividers to give us some privacy when Summer is sleeping, and things heat up between me and my mate. I was so paranoid about her being there that I couldn’t relax, but now it feels like she is at least in another room.
Not that sex has been a priority. Despite being apart for ten whole days, Aiden is treating me like a prized piece of fine china. No matter how much I reassure him, he worries if we have sex he will hurt me or the baby.
I'm not dissatisfied; far from it. I love oral. Every time he goes down on me, I wonder how I ever lived without it in my life. The rush of warmth and wetness to that area and the heady feeling of knowing he is tasting me and licking me is enough to make me dizzy with desire for his mouth. But I also like sex; well, sex with Aiden, at least.
He pushes me away for the fourth time and it crushes my confidence so much that I will not initiate it again. It is just too embarrassing, and I am quickly feeling like things are changing between us. I don’t think I could take another rejection; I don’t think I can do the single parent thing all over again either.
I need Aiden to open up and let me in, but right now his barriers are well and truly up and there is no way in. He is impenetrable, unreachable and it hurts so much.
I take solace in the fact that he seems to want to touch me, he just doesn’t want to have sex, so maybe this is about him being cautious about the baby. All I know is Aiden went away and when he came back, something had shifted and I am starting to really worry it is his feelings for me.
Amber, on the other hand, has been firing on all cylinders, she is so busy I feel tired just watching and listening to her. I am sitting on the rocking chair contemplating what has been happening or, more importantly, not happening between Aiden and I when she bounces in, filled with energy. She stops when she sees me, her concern for me spreading over her face.
“A penny for your thoughts, Eva,” she shouts over to me. I try to smile but it doesn’t quite happen. “Oh, Eva, are you okay?” Amber’s kindness hits me like a kick to the gut and the tears fill my eyes before I can stop them.
“What happened in Scotland, Amber? Aiden won’t tell me; I know something is bothering him, but he won’t talk about it, and I am worried about him. I’m worried about us.” I know I have got to the crux of the problem when her facial expression changes from one of sympathy to another of guarded shame. Something happened, and I need to know what.
“I think you need to talk to Aiden about this, Eva. If and when he wants to share, it’s his right to choose. He loves you, Eva, and you’re carrying his child now. I know my brother and whatever is happening in his head does not affect and will never affect his devotion to you. I think you need a change of scenery and some fresh air, Luna; it sounds like you are getting cabin fever.”
So, something did happen. Amber confirms there is something Aiden is keeping from me, and I simply have to respect that he will tell me if he wants me to know.
“I want to talk to you anyway, Eva. I need to get my affairs in order, and I believe you’re the woman I can leave my final wishes with. Preston and Aiden will not allow me to talk about these things, but I need to get them off my chest. Therefore, as my Luna, I would like to tell you everything in case I am imprisoned or executed.”
In the chaos of everything else that has been going on, I forgot Amber’s trial is due to start in two days’ time. I nod to her, and she sits on Summer’s bed.
“I want you to promise to look after Aiden and be strong for him and keep him in line. Tell him how much I love him and admire him and remind him frequently he was the best big brother I could have ever wished for. Tell the baby stories about me and tell them I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet them.” Her eyes fill with pain and longing and mostly sadness.
“I will, Amber, you know I will.”
“I’m not finished. Preston. I need you to help Preston through this. Help him mourn but then help him move on. Once I’m gone, I want him to find a new mate and be a daddy just like he’s always wanted. I want him to find peace and some joy.” The tears stream down her face, and I try to comfort her by putting my arms through the bars and holding her.
“I give you my oath as your Luna and as your sister-in-law. I will ensure your final wishes are fulfilled to the best of my ability if the worst-case scenario does happen. I also promise you, as your friend, that I will do everything in my power to clear your name.”
Amber finally hugs me back but quickly pulls away. “I won’t hurt the baby, will I?”
I roll my eyes at her. “Not you too. Aiden won’t touch me in case he hurts the baby. I’m not the first woman to have a baby, you know. The baby is fine, it's very well hidden and protected, I promise you.” She lifts her hand to touch my tummy, which is still flat. It's so early on that there is no outward change and yet her eyes still light up in amazement when her hand makes contact.