Page 54 of The Alpha's Heir

Let Me Love You

*** Melanie ***

My body doesn’t feel like it belongs to me anymore. In between the surgeries I had and the pain killers and numbness, I just feel like a sack of meat that is tortured by my thoughts and feelings. I wish for oblivion. I wish for drugs so powerful I won’t feel anything. But if anything, I feel more pain. I don’t think there will ever be a moment in my life when I will be free from pain. Not now.

Max, who is Eva’s bodyguard, hasn't left my room since I was brought here. I have told him a couple of times that he can leave but he just ignores me. I know there is something strange about this place and the people here too, but I cannot be bothered to find out what it is right now.

When the doctor comes to check on me during his rounds, he mostly speaks to Max and the small parts I do catch don’t make any sense to me.

I hate the looks of pity and sympathy that are invariably sent my way. I think I preferred it when they all looked at me in disgust for being the woman carrying Eva’s ex-husband’s baby.

I would take a million of those hateful and judgemental looks right now. I would take every insult and insinuation if it meant I could have my baby back. As soon as my thoughts turn to my baby, I try to block them out. If I don’t think about it, then it can’t hurt me. If I don’t think about it, then for a couple more days I can simply pretend nothing has happened and everything remains unchanged.

“Melanie, would you like a drink?” Max’s voice steals my attention. He has such a lovely voice. It sounds smooth and soothing. His whole demeanour is cool and calming. I am bound to be well enough to be discharged soon and then I will return home on my own, but for now, it is nice to think this man actually cares for my welfare.

“No. Thanks,” I reply and his eyes flash with annoyance and concern. I try to turn but my tummy is still sore from the surgery and the angry puckered cut that is held together rather gruesomely with thick black stitches itches and pulles, constantly reminding me that I have been relieved of my spleen.

“Melanie, you need to eat and drink so you heal.” His voice caresses me in a way I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve sympathy or understanding.

“I’m okay. Max, why are you still here? Surely Eva and Summer need you. You can go, you know. I’m a big girl.” He looks back at me, hurt, and as he grits his mouth together, I notice a little tick along his strong jawline. He is really controlling himself.

“I’ve told you. I’m here because I want to be here. With you.” He spits the last two words out. I want to be weak and just accept this man’s kindness, but who is he to me really? Why would I waste my time getting attached to another man? Nothing but trouble comes from me being attached to the opposite sex and, therefore, I need to keep reminding myself that no matter how much I could use a friend like Max, he isn’t going to stay around.

He isn’t mine to keep, and I have no intention of infringing on another of Eva’s relationships, even if it is completely platonic between them.

Eva. She called me, and I ignored the call. Max tries to relay her messages, but it just hurts too much. I finally started to feel like I could belong in a small corner in someone’s world. The concern she showed me and her willingness to allow Summer to bond with me had given me some of my self-respect back. I want to be a better person and being friends with Eva seemed to ignite that.

Now, the purpose behind it all is gone. I have no reason to encroach any further into this woman’s life. It’s like I am losing part of my family as well as my baby.

I can’t stop the silent tears that fall when I think of my baby. She was everything I was holding on for, my chance to redeem myself and make something of my shitshow of a life. She was so precious and now she is gone.

When he sees the tears that fall noiselessly, Max stops nagging me about having a drink and holds me. He holds my hand and strokes my head and although most of the words he whispers to me don’t make any sense, my broken heart seems to glow from the inside out from the tenderness he shows me. No-one has ever cared for me like this. And yet, this stranger, this huge, handsome man, gives it so freely to me, a person he doesn’t even know.

“It's okay, I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay, but you must take care of yourself, Melanie. You have to eat and heal and become strong again. You have to fight.”

I think of my sons, my beautiful little boys, and I know he is right. I am just so heart broken right now, so filled with loss and anger and guilt and confusion. I ask WHY? Why me, why my baby? But deep in my heart, I know the answer. This must be my punishment. This is my penance for wrecking a home. This is the price I have to pay for the despicable things I did to Eva and Summer.

“Why do you care, Max? What does it matter to you?`` My voice is whisper-soft, so he knows there is genuine curiosity and no malice in my questions.

“What do you remember? From the attack?” I try to think of that day. Was it three or four days ago now? But as soon as I try, my heart rate quickens, and my tummy turns in genuine terror. I can’t do it. I can’t think of that day, not now. “Shhh, okay, don’t think about that just yet. You’re safe here with me now. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.”

His answer puzzles me. I find comfort in the fact that he seems to want to be close to me, but his statement makes little sense. As soon as I am discharged from hospital, I will return to my desperate life, and he will go back to being Eva’s bodyguard. How can he stop anyone hurting me ever again?

“I know you don’t feel it like I do, but you’re my other half Melanie. You are my soul mate. I felt it when you came into Eva’s cell and the bond between us grows every moment we are together. I want to be with you. I want to get to know you, and for you to get to know me. I want us to be a family.”

Yes. So, Max is a crazy person. He smiles sheepishly at me after making his declaration. In another lifetime, I would have melted under his stare, but I’m too old, bloodied and scarred by my past for that now.

“Have you completely lost the plot, Max? You don’t even know me! Besides, the reason I’m here in the first place should have you running for the hills if you have any sense at all.”

A flash of shame and anger flares in his eyes. He’s such a complex man. I have no idea why my words would cause that reaction in him. “You are here in this hospital bed because you were attacked, and I failed to keep you safe. I let you down. It will never happen again."

Well, now he’s really gone and done it. The tears aren’t silent or graceful. Max wipes my tears away with his large, calloused hands, and with the reassuring look he gives me, I completely unravel emotionally. Once my tears are completely spent for the time being, I rest my head on his shoulder, hiccoughing and sniffing like a child.

“I didn’t mean why I was in the hospital… I meant why I was here visiting Eva. Doesn’t it bother you what I’ve done?” From the way Max is treating me, I can tell he is an amazing man; a gentle giant and it would be so easy to fall in love with him. But I know the person I am, I am an accumulation of my past transgressions, and he deserves so much better than me. I don’t deserve a happy ending. I don’t deserve anyone’s kindness. I got what I deserved. I know many others will feel the same about my current position too.

“No. It doesn’t. I mean, it did, but your past is your past. I’m talking about our present and future. I know it will take time, and I can be patient. But you are mine and I have every intention of keeping it that way.” I should be offended that he called me his, but somehow it feels good that, despite my black soul, someone as good as Max can see a bit of light or potential in me.

“I don’t know what all this means, Max. I know something strange is going on around here and I hope you can tell me what that is when you trust me enough. But right now, I think my pain medication is giving me hallucinations. I think I need another nap.”

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