Page 35 of Carved in Ice (Made of Steel 3)

I lifted my head and looked at V. I couldn’t get up. And I couldn’t explain it to him. I had just lost everything. If he didn’t see that, then he couldn’t possibly understand.

“We failed the mission. We won’t next time.” He stared at me. “You just need to sleep it off,” he added when I didn’t respond.

Sleep it off? “This has nothing to do with the mission. I watched Eli die! I love him. And I watched him die. How…how can you be so cold?”

“You don’t love him.”

I swore he rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, V. If you have something to say, just say it. Don’t roll your eyes and minimize my pain.”

“I just said it. You don’t love him.” His voice rumbled lower than usual.

“I love him! I love him more than you could possibly understand. He sees the real me. I’m not living behind a mask! I have real emotions and…”

“You don’t love him! Your heart is shattered into a million tiny pieces. It’s broken, Sadie. And no one is going to magically put it back together in a few days. You don’t love him. You love the idea of him, nothing more.”

“You’re wrong.” I pushed myself up to my feet. Nothing was going to stop me from going back to Eli. Definitely not a self-entitled prick. I pressed the button to open the window.

“The apartment is on lockdown,” Athena said.

“Athena, let me out!” I hit the button again.

“The apartment is on lockdown,” Athena said.

I slammed my palm against the window. “It’s my apartment, Athena!”

“The apartment is on lockdown,” Athena said.

I hit the window again before turning around. “Let me out,” I said to V.

“No. And you’re right, I do have more to say. If you loved him so much, you shouldn’t have left your position. None of this would have happened if you could have listened to directions for once in you damned life.”

I didn’t need him to tell me that. I already knew it was my fault. “Is that all?”

He walked toward me. “You should have realized as soon as Don said he wasn’t there to hurt you that he was going to hurt one of us. You put us all in jeopardy by being careless!”

Screw him. I actually wasn’t the only one to blame. “And what about you, V? You were on the other side of the balcony. You had a clear shot. You could have saved his life!”

“Taking out Don wasn’t the plan…”

“You could have prevented him from shooting Eli!” I closed the distance between us.

“Liza told us to abort the mission. So I left. I followed protocol.”

“You wanted him to die!” I poked him in the middle of the chest. “Right? You wanted him out of the way? You’re a murderer.” I poked him again. “I’ve seen you kill someone with my own two eyes. And just because you didn’t pull the trigger, don’t think for a second that you’re not at fault for this death too.”

“You really are nothing like Summer Brooks.”

I slapped him across the face. Harder than I meant to. Or maybe not hard enough, because he smiled at me.

“Do you feel better now? Less guilty?”

I went to slap him again, but he grabbed my hand before it reached his cheek.

“Because this isn’t on me. It’s on you. And I wasn’t minimizing your pain. I was reminding you that you’ve experienced worse. That you’re stronger than this.”

“That’s not what you were doing.” I tried to slap him with my other hand, but he grabbed that too. He pushed me backward until I was pressed against the window.

“Let go of me, V. Or I swear to God, I’ll…”

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