Page 28 of Carved in Ice (Made of Steel 3)

He lifted me into his arms and I laughed into the fabric of his shirt.

“Yes, it can wait until morning.” He opened his door with one hand and then closed it with a kick before placing me down on his bed

I snuggled into his chest as he joined me under the covers. “Actually, I want to get everything out there. Any questions. All of it.”

Eli ran his fingers through my hair, but stayed silent.

So I launched into the story of Miles. How we met. How I fell in love. How he left me. I told him everything about my foster families. And Don. I told him about how broken I’d felt since I was a child. I told him how I thought V understood my pain. I told him everything.

And Eli held me when I cried. He held me as I let my past go.

***

I woke up drenched in sweat. I had been dreaming about when I found out Joan was working with Don. It had been so easy to trust her. And I couldn’t have been more wrong. I could still feel the gun pressed to the back of my head in her diner. Her words came back to me so easily: “The only person Don wants dead more than you is that pesky vigilante.”

It had been disturbing my sleep for months. I needed to tell them. For some reason, it was easier to take all the blame for Don being here. It was like I wanted everyone to hate me. But tonight was going to be dangerous.

I closed my eyes even tighter. I needed them to know in case things went south. There was no choice. I had to tell them today. And maybe it would make things better. Maybe Liza wouldn’t hate me so much. Maybe all the resentment would disappear if her beloved V was the one she was risking her life for. Regardless, they deserved to know the truth. And I was trying to let things go. Forcing them to hate me and only me wasn’t healthy.

I reached out and felt empty sheets. I slowly opened my eyes. The light filtering through the blinds let me know it was morning. I stopped mid-yawn when I heard hushed voices outside of my room.

“You’re hurting her right now,” Eli whispered. “Don’t you see that? She’s trying to be happy but you’re interfering.”

“She’s looking for happiness in the wrong place,” V said.

I should have let them know I was awake. I should have called for Eli. I should have done anything but eavesdrop, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

“That’s not your right to tell her how and with whom she can be happy,” Eli said.

“Yes…actually it is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“If she would just go home…”

“She is home.” Eli’s whisper was gone. “Why do you always say that to her? This is her home. Here. With me and Liza and you…even though I’d rather you not be in the equation.”

“This isn’t her home. She needs to stop lying to herself.”

“It is! New York City is her new home. There is nothing left for her in Colorado or Wyoming.”

“You’re wrong,” V said. “About everything. Home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling.”

A feeling. The words sunk into my mind slowly. Home is a feeling. I pictured myself laughing at the kitchen table with my father. I pictured my mother grabbing his hand to dance. I pictured my perfect little family. And I pictured blood on the asphalt.

“Don’t you want her to be happy?” Eli asked. “If you love her, that should be your ultimate goal. And I make her happy. You need to stand down.”

“I can’t do that, Eli. I can’t.”

Eli sighed. “Well, she’s not going back to your therapist. He’s just pushing your agenda on her. If you refuse to stand down, at least stop playing mind games.” I heard the door start to open.

“What we have is bigger than you could possibly understand,” V said. “She belongs to me. She always will.”

Before Eli closed the door, my eyes locked with V’s. And for a moment, it felt like his words couldn’t possibly be wrong. Like my heart would only beat with him. Like I could only breathe if he was still breathing. Like he was home to me.

The door closed and the feeling instantly vanished. Mind games. That’s what Eli had said. And that’s what they were. I didn’t know V. And at the rate we were going, I never would.

“Sorry about that,” Eli said as he climbed back in bed with me. “I tried to get him to let up, but I’m guessing you heard that he doesn’t plan to.”

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