Page 80 of Carved in Ice (Made of Steel 3)

Right. He wants me to love him. I stared at the empty hotel room. “I don’t have anything left to live for.”

“Don’t say that.”

Miles’ love lifted me up. My whole life it had. It helped me out of this hell. But now? There was nothing to lift me back up. I wasn’t stronger now. I was pretending to be tough this whole time. I had always been good at make-believe. Really, I was weak. And stupid. And worthless. Just like Don always said. Don already took my body. He was seared into my brain. What did it matter if I gave him my soul? It was rotten anyway. “I’ll give him what he wants,” I whispered. “And then I’ll be able to get my revenge.”

“Revenge? Summer, that’s not you.”

I stood up.

“Summer? Summer there’s more we need to discuss!”

I walked away from the vent. I didn’t have any more questions for Mr. Crawford.

Chapter 35

Tuesday

Every time I closed my eyes I saw V falling. I gripped the edge of the sink. Part of me didn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe it. How could I still be breathing if he wasn’t?

I opened my eyes and stared at the ghost of Summer Brooks. I understood why V always called me Sadie instead of Summer. We had both changed. But we were still written in the stars. We always had been. The stars couldn’t be rewritten. Miles was dead. And I was about to be.

I finished the small bottle of vodka, ignoring the burn in my throat. Liquid courage. I shook my head. That wasn’t it. I was trying to numb the ache in my chest. But I knew it would never go away.

I cracked the small bottle against the side of the sink. The glass shattered and I was left with several piercing shards sticking off the bottle’s neck. The next time I saw Don, I was going to sink it into his throat.

Now I just had to wait. I walked over to the window and looked out at the city street below. The cars and taxis sped by just like on any other day. The whole city kept going like nothing had happened. The fact that no one else’s life had stopped made me feel even more alone. Each beat of my heart hurt. It should have been me.

I used to have so many dreams. But the feeling of home had been ripped out of my chest. It no longer felt like I was living. There was only one thing keeping me breathing. The fact that Don still drew breath.

I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before the door to the room opened. My cheeks were stiff from my dried tears. I wasn’t scared of what I was about to do. The world was going to be a better place without Don in it. I watched the people walking on the sidewalk below. And not a single person was going to miss someone like me.

I plastered a fake smile on my face, took a deep breath, and turned around. “Don.” I ran over to him and threw my arms around him. I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat. We had never hugged like this before. I had never pretended to want anything he gave me. I had just become used to it. Numb to it.

His arms wrapped around me. “Feeling better, doll?”

“So much better. I’ve been so scared without you. I…” I let my voice trail off. I couldn’t force anything else out like that. “When you sent those hitmen after me…”

He pulled back and grabbed my shoulders. “I was angry with you.” He stared into my eyes. “I wasn’t thinking clearly after you left. That was a long time ago. I never meant it.”

But didn’t you? Or else you wouldn’t have tried to have me killed. I swallowed hard. “I know.”

“Please forgive me.”

Please? I had never heard him use that word before. Hearing it made me even more uncomfortable. He was up to something. “I forgive you.” Never. “Can I please have my clothes back now?” It was worth a try if we were suddenly using the word please.

He smiled. “I don’t think you’ll be needing them. Are you hungry?” He nodded to the table. There were two covered trays sitting on it.

Eating wasn’t on my list of things to do this morning. “I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat,” Don said.

I tied my robe a little tighter even though it would be coming off soon enough.

His eyes followed my movement. “Sit. Down.” The anger I was all too familiar with was back.

I wished I could forget what the edge in his voice meant. I wished I could forget everything.

“Summer.”

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