Page 87 of Carved in Ice (Made of Steel 3)

“Um…yes? He’s standing right there,” Liza said. “Why wouldn’t we be able to see him? I wear glasses but I’m not blind.” She folded her arms across her chest.

“Come on. Let’s give them some privacy.” Kins pulled her out of the command center.

I just stared at him, expecting him to disappear. “I saw you die.”

He stepped closer to me and I saw him wince. “I wanted to come help get you out, but I…” he grabbed the side of his stomach. “I was giving myself stitches and I must have passed out. They left without me.”

I shook my head. “You’re not real. I saw you die.” I wanted to reach out and touch his face, but I kept my hands to myself. I didn’t want him to disappear.

“I landed on the emergency escape ladder. Well, I woke up on it anyway. I’m not exactly sure how I got there but I must have fallen. The last thing I remember was being on the roof of our old dorm looking for you. I got pretty banged up, but I’m still breathing. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you today.” His eyes dropped to my neck, which was surely bruising already. “I’m so fucking sorry, Summer.”

We both just stared at each other.

“I swear I’m not dead,” he finally said.

“You’re not?”

He lifted his hand from his side and put it on my cheek. “I told you I’d never go anywhere.”

There were so many things I wanted to say. So many years of unspoken thoughts. But one thing outweighed the rest. “I love you.”

“That’s probably the bottle of whiskey talking. Last time we spoke…”

“I love you. I…” for some reason it didn’t seem like the right time to tell him I knew his real identity. It felt important to let him know that I liked this part of him. Wasn’t that the whole point? That I loved what he had become? “I love you exactly the way you are. I love you, V.”

“What about Eli?”

“We broke up.”

His rubbed his thumb beneath my eye, removing a tear I didn’t know I had shed. “What about Miles?”

I reached into my pocket and grabbed my necklace. “It’s true, a part of me will always love Miles. But when I said that this meant everything to me, I was wrong. You mean more to me than some old pendant.” I placed it in his hand. “Maybe Miles was perfect for me when I was a kid. But I’m not a kid anymore. It’s like you said, I’m more Sadie than Summer.” Just like you’re more V than Miles. He had been right the whole time. I needed time to accept that. Time to understand that the Miles I knew didn’t really exist anymore.

“I was wrong to say that. I just wanted you to accept the fact that you had changed. I needed you to be able to forgive me for all the things I’ve done.”

I nodded. “Of course I forgive you.”

He shook his head. “I need to tell you something. And I need you to promise me that you’ll forgive me for this too.”

I wanted this conversation to be perfect. It needed to fix all the hurt I had. It needed to fix years of me thinking he had abandoned me. This wasn’t the right moment. I wasn’t thinking clearly. A part of me still thought I was imagining him. “I’ve had a lot of days that I would have classified as the worst in my life. But then things keep happening to take the cake. I thought I lost you last night and a piece of me died.” I put my hand against his chest. His heart was definitely beating. “I need to wash it off. I need to wash him off.”

He placed his forehead against mine. “Did he…”

“No.” I cut him off before he could even finish the thought. “But I can still feel his fingers on my skin. I feel like I’m on fire.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the bathroom. He flicked on the lights and locked the door behind us. I watched him turn on the water. Steam slowly filled the room.

I wasn’t even sure why, but I felt like I was about to cry. “Thank you.” I stepped in without shedding my robe and closed the door. As soon as I was under the water, I put my hand over my mouth and started to sob. Miles had just said I wasn’t weak, yet here I was falling apart. It felt like my knees were going to stop holding me up. I put my hand on the wall. I didn’t want him to see me like this.

As soon as I had the thought, the shower door opened. He stepped in beside me, fully clothed. Without a word, he put his hands on the sides of my face. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but I cut him off.

“Your hands are so cold,” I said.

“I’m sorry.” He pulled his hands away.

“No, I meant…I meant it feels like you can erase him.” Like he could erase the years of pain.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. “You didn’t give me a chance to tell you that I love you back,” he whispered into my hair. “Exactly as you are. I love you, Summer Brooks. I always have and I always will.”

---