Page 91 of Carved in Ice (Made of Steel 3)

“I’m sorry, Miles. You broke my heart and I…”

“You broke mine too, Summer.” His Adam’s apple rose and then fell. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. I can’t. But these years have been hell for me too.”

I never meant to diminish his pain. That wasn’t the point of this conversation.

He opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

“Miles,” I hissed as I followed him. “I never said that they weren’t. Of all people I understand your pain. I thought you had abandoned me. You thought that I had abandoned you. I understand…”

He stopped in his tracks. “It was more than that. I thought you were dead.”

I swallowed hard.

“Don’t you get that? For years I thought you might be dead.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t know.” My words hung in the air. “Some days I wished that I was.” As soon as the words came out, I wished they hadn’t.

“This isn’t a competition to see who suffered more.” He started walking again. “It kills me that I couldn’t find you. It kills me that you went through…”

“I know.” I grabbed his arm to stop him from moving. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything. You asked me to forgive you. Can’t you forgive me too?”

“That’s what I’ve been struggling with this whole time. I know it’s better to leave the past in the past. I know that. But everything we’ve had is in the past. And I can’t let go of that. I’m not sure we can have it both ways.”

I let my hand fall from his arm. What did he mean by that? We either forgave each other and moved on with our lives apart? Or stayed together and lived with these demons? Those weren’t the only two options. Didn’t he see that? We could hold on to the good memories and stay together.

“Miles, wait!” I ran after him.

Chapter 40

Wednesday

When I caught up to Miles in the kitchen, the sound of metal clanging made me draw my eyes away from him.

Kins was sitting at the kitchen island eating a bowl of cereal. Her eyes were glued to Miles. Or they were at least glued to his abs.

“Um, hey, Miles.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What are you doing here?”

“He’s V,” Liza said as she came into the kitchen from the command center. “Nice to officially meet you by the way, Mr. Miles Young. It’s nice to put a face to the name. Or a name to the face. Or well…I knew what Miles looked like, but I didn’t know what V looked liked…you get it.” She stuck her hand out for Miles to shake.

He laughed and shook her hand.

“Although you do owe me an apology. I’m pretty sure I guessed you were Miles and you legit lied to my face. Not cool, buddy.”

“I…”

“And I really don’t know why you lied about it to me anyway. I can keep a secret. Even from my bestie.” She winked at me. “Don’t do it again.” She pointed at him.

“You’re V?” Kins asked.

“Yeah.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry if I lied to you too. It was never my intention to have to mislead anyone but Summer.”

“You’re really V?” Kins looked at me and then back at him. “Oh. Oh!” she said a little louder. “Oh.” The last oh sounded disappointed.

This was awkward. I remembered Kins calling dibs on Miles. What could I say to make it better?

“There is one thing I don’t get,” Liza said, breaking the tension in the air. “Why did you refuse to call her Summer? I mean, you knew her best. Yet you kept calling her Sadie.”

Miles looked over at me. “Because I’m not the same person she remembers and she’s not the same either. Not to mention it felt wrong to call her Summer. It made my lies feel worse.”

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