Page 69 of Playing a Player (Sweet Cravings 1)

"Well don't listen to them anymore. They're the worst."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was pretty funny that she was making fun of her own husband. I sighed. "What do you think I should do?"

"Maybe you should just tell him about it. Laugh it off early. It's not a big deal."

"But we only just started dating, or whatever it is we're doing. We haven't even had that conversation yet."

"I think you should probably tell him. Especially if it's bothering you this much. When you hold things back you always act really weird."

I laughed. "Yeah, just when I hold things back."

She smiled and stood up. "I actually have to finish getting ready to go. I'm meeting Jim at that new Thai place downtown for dinner. And I'm already running late. Do I look okay?"

I hadn't even noticed how dressed up she was. More guilt was added to the pit already forming in my stomach. "You look amazing, Emily. What's the special occasion?"

Emily bit her lip. "Well...we actually are celebrating tonight."

"Right, I got that. But what are you celebrating?" Their anniversary wasn't for another couple months.

Emily smiled. "No one but Jim knows yet, and I'm not supposed to tell anyone else for a while, but I can't even stand it. I'm pregnant!"

"What?! Oh my God, Emily!" I stood up and hugged her. Pregnant? How could she be pregnant? I thought about Rory's housewarming party and the other day when I had come over and we had wine with lunch. No. She only had water at the party. And she had poured herself a glass of wine the other day, but she had never drank any of it. It had just sat there on the table. How could I have not noticed that? I suddenly felt like a terrible friend. I was always so concerned with my own problems that I didn't even realize all the signs pointing to my best friend being pregnant. "I'm so happy for you guys. You and Jim are going to be the most amazing parents."

Emily laughed. "I'm so excited. I can't even stop smiling. That's probably part of the reason why I looked like a murderous psychopath earlier. Or maybe I just have an evil monster baby that's taking over my mind."

"You don't. Stop it. You look amazing." I let go of her embrace. "You don't even look pregnant at all."

"I'd hope not, I'm barely a few weeks along."

"Geez, I can't even believe it. I'm so happy for you. Why didn't yo

u tell me you were going to start trying?"

"I just...you were busy with everything with finding a new roommate. And then all the issues with Rory..." her voice trailed off.

She felt sorry for me. Here she was, married and pregnant with her first child. She already had everything I had ever wanted. And I just kept losing roommate after roommate as everyone around me got engaged and married. But never me. I had thought all my closest friends getting married was hard. Watching them all have babies suddenly seemed a lot harder. I was falling further and further behind. And after I tell Rory about the articles I had written about him, I'd be back to square one again. The thought of losing him actually made my heart hurt. And not only would I lose the guy I was in love with, he'd probably move out and I'd need to find another roommate on top of my heartbreak. I wanted to be happy for Emily. I so badly wanted to be happy. But I was jealous. I was jealous of my best friend for being pregnant. What is wrong with me? I shook the thought away. Stop being so dramatic. Be happy for her.

"I'm so happy for you," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

"Thanks, Keira." She hugged me again. "But I seriously have to finish getting ready. Jim hates when I'm late. And this is probably the last time I'm going to look this good for a while." Emily laughed and pulled away.

"Okay, okay. I'm going. Congratulations, Emily."

***

It was hard to separate my feelings for Rory from the fact that I was falling behind all my friends. I suddenly felt old and desperate. Do I just think I'm in love with him because I so badly want to be in love? I shook my head. I didn't think so. I really hadn't felt this way with anyone else before. But what did I really even know about him?

I stood up and started pacing back and forth in my room. I had to tell him about the articles. Thinking about how I felt was just going to make it harder when he said he no longer wanted anything do with me. How I felt. Oh my God!

I ran to my computer and opened up my email thread with Judy. I scrolled through the emails until I came across the one she had deemed boring and unsexy. And there it was. Everything that I had wanted to say to Rory but couldn't. It was more now. Because I wasn't just falling for him anymore. I had already fallen...toppled down the stairs head first for this boy. And this explained all of that. The piece that got rejected. I quickly printed it out, slipped it in an envelope, and wrote Rory on the front of it.

No matter how much closer we got, I was still awkward around him. He still made me nervous every time I saw him. I wasn't sure if those butterflies would ever go away. I sighed and sat down on my bed. Somehow letting him know what I wanted to write made the whole situation seem better. Even if the original words were full of confessions about falling for him. I'd feel so much better after he knew the truth. And if he didn't care, really didn't care, and forgave me right away...he really could be the one. He was funny, and smart, and sexy. God was he sexy.

I heard the front door open and close. This is it. I didn't want it to wait until morning. I wanted to do it right now. And then do him. Oh please God don't let this morning be the last time he looks at me like that. I glanced in the mirror. You can do this. Everyone did stupid shit. Writing about him was a mistake. And I was done. The segment was done. People don't usually do shit this stupid.

I gripped the envelope in my hand and left my room. Rory wasn't in the kitchen. I turned the corner and screamed. There were two people making out on my couch.

"Oh, Keira, shit." Connor stood up.

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