Page 71 of Playing a Player (Sweet Cravings 1)

The words blurred in front of me. Judy had rejected the article, which definitely made sense. It didn't read like a proper editorial piece at all. The words were just my heart and soul on paper. And it was incredibly painful to read, because I wasn't falling for Rory anymore. I had fallen. I loved him and he was currently fucking some other girl. Writing the articles had helped me cope a little the past week, but now that they were done, all I felt was pain. Rory really was the type of guy you admired from a distance. I should have never let him move in with me.

But that would have been worse. Even just getting to be with him a few times was better than never. Because now that I knew he would never feel the same way as me, I realized how final never really was. I crumbled up the paper, tossed it on the table, and looked down at my bowl of ice cream. It had completely melted into dark brown goo.

That's how I felt, like a melted, destroyed version of myself. I wanted to be mad at Rory, but I couldn't be. He had warned me that he wasn't what I wanted. He tried to keep me away with that pact. But I just kept pressing him. It was my fault. Not his. I was just mad at myself for falling for someone who would never love me back. I had probably chosen the most emotionally unavailable guy in the whole freaking city.

"I thought I might find you here."

I looked up at Connor. I wasn't sure when it had happened, but somehow he had become one of my closest friends. Just seeing him made the tears start to stream down my cheeks again. "Connor," I said between sobs. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my cheek into his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Keira." He hugged me back.

I felt safe in his arms. Connor was so sweet. He had tried so hard to help me with Rory. But of course it didn't work. Because Rory was Rory and I was just me. I could feel Connor's shirt getting damp from my tears.

"I might have misunderstood what he said, you know. Maybe he didn't say date," Connor said.

"Don't, Connor. Please don't defend him. I know he's your friend, but if that's what you're here to do, then please just leave." I pushed on his chest so he'd release me from his hug as I wiped away my tears.

"That's not why I'm here, Keira." His expression was pained.

I didn't know what to say. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

"I was worried about you." His words hung in the air. He had left his date to track me down. That was probably the sweetest thing a guy had ever done for me.

"I'm sorry that I ruined your date."

"I don't care about that."

Our eyes locked together. "Connor, I'm really glad that I got to meet you."

"You're acting like you're not going to be seeing me anymore." He gave me a small smile.

I sighed and sat down. "I'm going to move out."

He sat down across from me. "It's your apartment, Keira."

"I can't live there anymore." Rory only wanted sex from me. And I couldn't wait around hoping he'd change his mind. It hurt too much to think about him on other dates. And now everywhere I looked in the apartment would remind me of him. I bit my lip. I didn't want to start crying again.

"I'm sorry that I tried helping you make things happen with him. I should have known he'd screw it up."

I laughed. "He didn't screw anything up. He told me all he wanted was a one night stand. And when it became more than that, we never talked about what we were. There's no reason why he shouldn't be out screwing someone else right now."

"There is a reason. You."

I could feel my tears welling in my eyes again. "Me? That doesn't seem to be enough, does it? I'm never enough for anyone." I thought about my past three boyfriends breaking up with me. No one ever wanted me back.

"For the record, I would never do that to you." He reached out and put his hand on top of mine. "You deserve better."

"Better than your best friend?"

"I love him to death, but he's clearly an asshole."

I laughed.

Connor rubbed his thumb along my palm.

Suddenly the reason why Connor had run after me was apparent. And it hurt me that I was about to hurt him. "I'm in love with Rory," I whispered.

Connor immediately removed his hand. "What?"

---