Page 72 of Playing a Player (Sweet Cravings 1)

"I am." I shook my head. "I was. I thought I was?" I took a deep breath. "I am. But it doesn't matter now." I put my hands in my lap.

Connor looked like he was in pain again as he searched my face. "I didn't realize. Honestly, I was still hoping I had a chance." He gave me a small smile.

"Maybe you can call me in a few months." I wanted to believe that I'd be over Rory by then. I wasn't sure I'd ever be, though.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I really want to take you up on that offer. And I hope I don't look back on this and realize it was the biggest mistake of my life. Because I think you're absolutely amazing. You're beautiful and funny and smart. And you get along with my friends. A little too well." He smiled. "But I think you should give Rory one more chance."

"It's not that I'm not willing to give him another chance. It's that I know he doesn't want to be with me. He's made that perfectly clear. Over and over again. So what's the point?"

"You know, I never actually got to cash in on that favor you owe me."

"Are you sure you don't want me to just sleep with you?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I'd certainly like that more. But I'm going to ask you to give my best friend the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, maybe I misunderstood what Rory said he was doing tonight. Besides, aren't you two going to a wedding tomorrow?"

"We were supposed to."

"So go. Weddings are romantic. Just give him one last chance to make the right choice."

"I'm not sure I'm what he wants."

"You are. I know him better than anyone. He's been screwing around waiting for someone like you."

"I don't understand why you keep trying to help me."

"Because you're my friend and so is Rory. I want you to both be happy."

"You're the sweetest guy..."

"Yeah, don't say anything else. Because you'll make me change my mind about the favor you owe me. And I don't think the owners of this place would be happy when I started fucking you on this table."

I swallowed hard.

"I see that I've still got it." He winked at me. "Let me walk you home." He lifted up the crumpled up letter to Rory. "What is this?"

I had completely ruined it with tear stains. I'd have to print out another one anyway. If we ever even got to that discussion. Right now I just needed to see how our date went without any extra problems. "I don't need it anymore. It's just trash."

"Okay." Connor grabbed the crumpled up paper, the envelope, and my melted ice cream and walked over to the trash can.

He put his arm around my shoulders as he walked me home.

Chapter 29

I had avoided Rory all morning and afternoon. I wasn't sure when he had come home, but no screams of pleasure had woken me up. So I was hoping that meant he hadn't actually been on a date. I didn't realize how much being in love was going to hurt. In the movies it always looked so wonderful. But my chest hurt. And I felt anxious. And I was so nervous about going to the wedding with him. It was like we had just met all over again.

I looked through the dresses in my closet. There were five bridesmaid dresses in it, all equally hideous, and all taking up a ridiculous amount of room. I wasn't sure why I had kept all of them. For a while I thought maybe it was because I wanted to remember how fun the weddings were. I was usually sentimental. But that wasn't it. The weddings all sucked. I was happy for my friends, but their weddings had just ended up with me getting drunk and going home alone or making out with one of their distant cousins and never hearing from them again.

I stared at the hideous dresses in the closet. No. I held onto all of them because I was terrified that being a bridesmaid was the closest I'd ever get to the altar. I was so pathetic. I pushed them to the side. I needed to look great tonight. Because I needed to hear that he wanted to be with just me. And if he didn't feel the same way I did, I was going to run away and hide in a new apartment all the way across town.

I sighed and pulled out one of my favorite dresses. It wasn't one that fit Rory's criteria of being sexy. But for some reason it was the one I felt like wearing. Somehow I had lost a little bit of myself ever since Rory had moved in. Just because he made me feel butterflies in my stomach and could make me want him with just a smile didn't necessarily mean he was my forever. I barely even knew anything about him. The idea of not being with him made me feel sick to my stomach, though.

The dress was a red silky material. It was the dress I had bought for my very first date back in college. I sat down on the edge of the bed. Justin. I had said yes right away when he had asked me out. I was such a nerd in high school, and I jumped at the chance to have a boyfriend. But he always had better things to do than hang out with me. And then there was Mike, who I wanted to date in order to get over my first heartache. He was probably even worse than Justin. We weren't compatible at all. I just didn't like feeling alone. My last boyfriend, David, I had met in Philly. He was charming and seemed so much more mature than the boys I dated in college. I thought he could be the one. But he thought I had gotten too serious too fast. He wasn't ready for commitment. But he was ready to propose to the girl he started dating right after me. They hadn't even known each other for a year. And David had broken up with me over the phone right before our one year anniversary dinner. I had to hand it to David. He had been right. I didn't love him. I just loved the idea of being in love

.

I was so sick of making mistakes. And I was even more sick of having men make me feel worthless. The way Rory looked at me didn't make me feel that way. He was definitely the sweetest guy I had ever dated. I sighed. But we weren't really even dating. I so badly wanted that to change.

I ran my fingers along the silky dress. It was definitely appropriate for a wedding. The hem landed right above my knees, although there was a slit up the side. The top wasn't low cut but somehow still accentuated my breasts. It was super tight and still made me feel sexy even though it was modest. I applied my makeup and finished with red lipstick. I smacked my lips together and looked in the mirror.

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