Page 75 of Those Summer Nights (Sweet Cravings 2)

“I know, pumpkin,” his voice sounded a little farther away. “Just another minute, okay?”

He was trying to get rid of me. Talking to Emma the way he used to talk to me again. Didn’t he realize how much that hurt me? Didn’t he care at all? I gripped my phone a little tighter. The answer to my question was pretty obvious. He didn’t care one ounce about me. He hadn’t for years.

“I should probably go,” he said. “It was nice chatting with you.”

Seriously? We’d been on the phone for less than a few minutes and hadn’t talked about anything. We hadn’t spoken in months. Despite what he wanted, I wasn’t invisible. He couldn’t pretend I didn’t exist the way Nancy always did. “Dad,” I said before he could hang up on me. I hated the way my voice cracked when I called him Dad. “I’m trying to transfer to the University of New Castle. I haven’t heard back from admissions yet, but can you hold off on sending payment through to SMU? Until I hear back?”

“SMU is a good school.”

“It is. But I wasn’t happy there. I want to come home.” Ask me why I wasn’t happy there. Ask me if I’m okay now. Ask me anything.

“You mean to Delaware, right?”

Don’t worry, I don’t mean home to you. “Of course. I’m actually already back in town at the beach we used to come to when I was little.”

“Oh.”

I waited for him to recall the good times with me. Any times with me. But he didn’t.

“Well in that case, that’s fine,” he said. “Whatever you want. Just send me an email when you hear. It’s easier that way.” AKA don’t call me again.

“Why is that easier? Because Nancy hates when I call? I tried your cell phone but you didn’t pick up.”

“It’s off. I told you, we’re recouping this weekend. Just taking some family time.”

“And what am I?”

“You know what I meant,” he said.

No. I didn’t. Instead of saying anything at all, I just wiped under my eyes, not knowing when the tears had started to fall.

“And speaking of Nancy, the two of us had a discussion. We need to start saving for our girls’ future. So this year of tuition will be the last thing we’re footing the bill for. So just be aware in case you lose some credits in the transfer. And make plans accordingly for after graduation.”

Our girls. The fact that I wasn’t one of them was blatantly clear. He was finally cutting me off. I wasn’t surprised. Right after the divorce he threw money and gifts at me, like that made up for the lack of him showing up. But it had gotten less and less over the years. The only thing he paid for now was my tuition. I figured this would happen soon anyway. And I wasn’t even surprised by the way he worded it, like this was the last time he was ever going to talk to me. He was finally erasing me from his new perfect life, like I was just a bag of garbage he could toss away. “Okay.” My voice sounded small. All I wanted to do was scream obscenities at him. Instead, I said okay. Nothing about this conversation was okay.

“Great,” he said. “I’m glad you understand.”

“Yeah, I definitely understand.”

“I should be getting back.”

“Go for it.”

“Oh, and Mila?”

“Yes?” I let a small piece of me feel hopeful. But just a small part. Because my dad had stomped on my heart so many times I’d lost count.

“When I said we’d only pay for this last year of tuition that really did mean just the tuition. We’ll be switching over to a new phone plan at the end of the month and we won’t be transferring your number. That gives you some time to make the appropriate arrangements.”

I forgot that he also paid for my shattered cell phone. Great. “Not a problem,” I said. I could pick up a few extra shifts at Sweet Cravings. Besides, he’d always been wrong about the money and gifts. They didn’t fill the void of him not being around. They made me feel cheap and unwanted. And I didn’t need his fucking handouts. I didn’t need him in my life at all. I was as done as he was.

“Have a good summer, Mila.”

I wished he meant it. I wished his words didn’t have the double meaning, because all I heard was that he didn’t want to hear from me for at least the rest of the summer. But most of all, I wished my father wasn’t such a dick. I think I hated him more than I hated Aiden. And that was really saying something. “You too, Dad.” I hope the rest of your life is everything you want it to be. But it won’t include me anymore. I hung up the phone. I tried to wipe my tears away, but they kept falling.

I’d wasted so many years of my life trying to be enough for him to love me. Why wasn’t I enough? Why was I never enough? His new family wasn’t better than me. They were just shiny and new. He’d probably get bored again in a few years and break all their hearts too. I felt a little better knowing that his assholeness had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.

I took a deep breath and got up off my bed. I was done being a steppingstone. Anyone who didn’t want me in their life? It was a two-way street. I didn’t want them either. And I didn’t need to wait till the end of the month to rip the Band-Aid off. There was a cell phone store at the end of the boardwalk. I’d get a new phone right now. A new number. And cut all the toxicity out of my life for good.

---