“The usual…that I missed him, how could he do this to us, had I caused the breakup in some way. I just looked at my phone and I left him a five minute message. Five minutes! Who knows what other shit I said. So…I’m not going to work today.” I lay back down, pulling the blankets up to my chin.
“None of that changes the fact that you have to go to work.”
“I’m going to call in sick.”
She looked at me. “Heartache isn’t an illness.”
“It is too.”
“It’s not.” She pulled my blankets back down again. “And even if it was…I don’t think you’re actually upset about the stupid voicemail you left Aiden.”
Of course I’m upset about that. I just glared at her.
“You put yourself out there and got hurt again. That really freaking sucks, Mila. And if I ever see that lifeguard’s beautiful face again, I’ll punch him for you. But two tools doesn’t mean everything in the toolbox is rotten.”
“That’s a weird saying.”
“But it’s true. I met a great guy last night. And I’m sure he has cute friends. How about you do call in sick and we go down to the beach with two sexy, single guys and shove it in hot lifeguard’s face?”
I stared at her. She was already wearing a bikini. I gue
ss she had heard my alarm being ignored before she went on her beach date.
“I have a date with Ben and Jerry.”
“Stop.”
“And Tim Gunn and Swatch.”
“Tim Gunn is gay and Swatch is a dog. Get out of bed.”
“My heart hurts.”
She pressed her lips together.
“I just need one day in bed. Tomorrow I’ll be back to normal, you’ll see.”
“Are you sure? I feel like some fresh air would be really good for you.”
I pictured myself sitting in the sand crying last night. I’d called Aiden for a reason. I felt completely and utterly alone. When would that feeling go away? Fresh tears were starting to form in the corners of my eyes. Besides, my lifeguard knew my work schedule. He might show up to apologize. Fat chance. I’d never seen him again. The thought of never seeing him again made the pain in my chest worse. “Just one day in bed,” I said again.
“Okay. But don’t you dare watch Project Runway without me. And I’ll pick up some more Ben and Jerry’s on the way home.”
Thank you, bestie. I curled into a ball in my bed, holding my knees against my chest. She even closed the blinds for me before she left our apartment. As soon as she was gone, I closed my eyes again. I pictured the hue of my lifeguard’s irises. Exactly the same color as the ocean. I thought I could get lost in them. Instead, I felt like I was drowning.
I was never going to let my guard down again. My heart couldn’t take it anymore. I hugged my knees closer to my chest. When would it stop hurting?
Chapter 6
Friday
I had hibernated in my room for the past week pretending I was sick. Kristen kept threatening to pull me outside in my pajamas like some sort of monster, but then we’d end up binge watching TV instead. It turned out she wasn’t a monster at all. Her threats were empty. If anything, she catered to my awful behavior by refilling the freezer with ice cream and helping me eat all the baked goods I started making. Depression now gave me a sweet tooth, whereas in Cali my depression had made it impossible to eat. And I couldn’t eat everything alone. So in reality, Kristen was an angel.
If it was up to me, I’d still be hiding out. But my bosses apparently needed me. The girl who I usually worked with had taken the day off. Plus, if I took any more days off, I wouldn't be able to afford to eat. Which was a huge problem because cooking was one of the only things I still enjoyed doing. At this rate, instead of getting my act together this summer, I’d gain 100 pounds.
Fridays were my least favorite day to work because they were busier than Mondays and Wednesdays. But today it was good to have the distraction. I was training a new girl, which gave me even less time to think about my disastrous date. Or lack thereof. I hadn't had that much to drink in awhile. And I had never held my alcohol well, which I knew for a fact after margarita night when I’d first told Kristen about my crush in the first place. For the life of me, I wasn’t sure why I’d allowed myself to have more than one drink with my lifeguard or Kristen. Alcohol led to bad decisions and bad behavior. Shame on me.
My thoughts wandered back to my date-pocalypse, which I was now calling it. I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a date or not, but it really didn't matter. Either way, I’d come to the conclusion that I’d acted insane. And he’d acted like a complete jerk. Hopefully avoiding him for the last week would have given him enough time to forget about me. Hell, he probably hadn't thought about me since. After all…he was labeled as a jerk in my mind for a reason.