Page 21 of Those Summer Nights (Sweet Cravings 2)

"It's fine. You don't have to apologize. I just drank too much." But even as the words left my mouth, I knew they weren’t true. Because truly I had needed to hear that apology. It was nice to hear an “I’m sorry” after so much radio silence from Aiden. Maybe I’d misjudged this guy after all.

"Maybe you drank a little too much too.”

"Well even drunk me completely owned you in ping pong."

"That you did." He smiled at me.

I looked back out at the water instead of at him. "I convinced myself that you had been making fun of me behind my back. I thought maybe you were just being nice to the weird girl who always comes to the beach alone."

He laughed. "The sexy, weird girl. You're missing a very important adjective there."

I felt my face flush. "And I think watching you with Abby and all the other girls you talked to made me think I had misjudged everything."

"They're all just friends."

"You act very flirtatious with every girl you talk to."

"I didn't realize I was doing that."

"Well, you do. Which made me think I was just your friend too. I was embarrassed that I thought it was more. And that's when your friend came up and called me a stalker. I just snapped." I’m on high alert for assholes because I dated one for almost three years and was blind to it the whole time.

"Well, I thought it was date. It was with a bunch of my friends, but I was trying to get to know you. If you had stayed for pizza, we would have had more time to talk just the two of us." He pulled out another slice of pizza for me.

"Thanks," I said and grabbed it. I looked out toward the water. "But even if it was a date, it doesn't really matter. I shouldn't have said yes to going. I'm really not in any place to start a new relationship." So you can leave now. But please leave the pizza. I appreciate your donation.

"Is that one of the reasons why you came here? To get away from someone?"

Why was he so intrusive? Why was he still sitting here? I felt like I wanted to cry. It was so hard for me to talk about. Every time I thought about it, it was like it had just happened. But maybe it would help to talk about it out loud. And I needed another friend because Kristen was probably sick of me by now. Or literally sick from all the sugar we’d both consumed this week. Maybe my lifeguard was just what I needed. I kept my eyes on the water. "I went to SMU because I thought it would be this fun new adventure. But as soon as I moved into my dorm I realized just how far away I was from everyone I knew. I felt so alone. So when I met Aiden…” my voice trailed off. I clung to him like a lifeline, without even really knowing him. It was the first time I’d ever thought of it like that. But it was true. I just needed someone…and he fell into my lap. I shook my head. “We started dating right away and I pretty much devoted all my free time to him. I became friends with all his friends, but didn't take the time to make any friends of my own. I thought I was so in love with him. I thought he was all that mattered. I know, looking back at it now, how ridiculous that was. We were so young. I'm still young." I stopped talking for a few seconds, but my lifeguard stayed quiet. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.

"Right before spring break I had this stupid idea in my head that he was going to propose. Instead, I walked in on him having sex with some slut with huge breasts. He broke up with me right there. With her watching from the bed. No explanation. Just…I was out of his life. I’m pretty sure they had been screwing around behind my back for months. And I didn't see it. He didn't even have enough respect for me to tell me the truth. It was so hard

finding out and her watching me fall apart. And that was it. We were done in just a few minutes. The last two and a half years meant nothing.

“All of our mutual friends turned out to not really be my friends at all. I was so lonely. It was unbearable. And I was too upset to go out and make new friends. I just stayed in my room like a complete loser, thinking about everything that I had lost. I tried to think about what went wrong. I needed closure. I needed to know why. But he wouldn't talk to me. It was like I had never even existed in his life. So I walked around campus like a ghost."

I wiped away the tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry, that was like the most dramatic..."

"Don't." He grabbed my hand so I couldn't wipe away my tears. "Don't act like it's nothing if it's not."

I looked up at him. "I want to feel whole again. That's why I came here. I need to figure out what I want by myself. I've spent too much time thinking about myself as half of a whole."

He squeezed my hand. "I get that. And I know what it feels like."

"For your boyfriend to break up with you?" I tried to lighten the mood.

"No." He laughed. "To feel broken. To be cheated on. All of it. I get why you ran out on me the other night. It takes time to trust people again after that."

I liked the feeling of his hand in mine. It was so nice having someone listen to me. But the fact that he understood made it even better. "Do you mind me asking what happened?"

He shrugged. "It was a long time ago. My high school girlfriend and I decided to stay together after graduation even though we were going to different schools. She cheated on me the first semester we were apart. I think you learn a lot from shitty stuff like that. I learned that long distance relationships don't work. I'll never try to do one again. And I guess from yours, you learned that you shouldn't date assholes." He smiled down at me.

"Yeah." I looked out back toward the water. He doesn't do long distance relationships. So why did he ask me on a date in the first place? And why is he holding my hand right now? I snuck a sideways glance at him. Maybe he was just being nice. It didn't matter either way though. I really wasn't ready to date again. But I could use a friend. "So now you know all about me, even down to my most humiliating moment.” I pulled my hand away from him, ignoring the fact that my whole body suddenly felt cold. “What's your story?"

He shrugged. “I have a younger brother. My parents are still together. I'm boring. I've always done everything I was expected to do. And that's why I'm here this summer. I feel like this is the last time I'm going to know what it feels like to make my own choices."

"Your job can't be all that bad."

"I just have to sit there all day behind a computer screen. The whole day will be gone by the time I get home. I like to be outside. I don't want to forget what it feels like to have the sun on my skin. I'm dreading it. I feel like my life is ending." He laughed. "Now I'm the one being dramatic."

---