Page 14 of Single Girl Rules #BFF

4. You can never have too many shoes.

5. Have wine in your purse at all times.

6. Always kiss and tell.

7. Pics or it didn’t happen.

8. If a man has 8 abs and 8 inches, he may not be refused.

9. If you hear about a well-hung man, share the news.

10. All celebrations of important life events must involve strippers.

Dear lord. These are perfect! They were exactly what I’d been missing in my life. I couldn’t believe how many of them I’d been violating. Like not having a girls’ night every Friday. And what the heck had I been doing not taking pictures of all my lovers?

Speaking of which…

Oh my God! That’s it! It was suddenly so clear to me how I was going to solve my bodyguard issue once and for all. I was frankly ashamed that I hadn’t figured out this solution earlier. I could already see a classic seduction blackmail plan forming in my head. It was an oldie but a goodie and it had been right in front of me the whole freaking time. For the first time ever, I felt a little basic. I shook the thought away. It wouldn’t do any good to dwell on that, though, because obvs I wasn’t actually basic. But more importantly…there were more Single Girl Rules to read!

One read-through was all it took to commit these bad boys to memory. Most material took me two passes, but these just made sense. It didn’t feel like I was learning, it was more like I was reading an innate truth about the very essence of life.

The door of our dorm creaked open. I placed the rules down on my bed. I didn’t want to take them with me to the party because with my new plan there was a 100% chance I was going to end up naked. The rules wouldn’t be safe in my bra tonight.

“Jesus, Chastity,” said Ash, covering her eyes. “What are you wearing?”

“Uh, a super cute outfit?” I twirled my leather leash around but froze when I saw what outfit she’d landed on. “The real question is, what are you wearing? I hate to do this, but I’m going to have to invoke Single Girl Rule #17: Friends don’t let friends wear ugly outfits. #RealTalk.” I freaking loved these rules.

Ash looked down at her frumpy t-shirt with the saddest look on her face. It was soul-crushing. I never wanted to see her that sad again.

“Just kidding. You look hot.” I reached out and gave her boobs two very complimentary honks.

Her sadness morphed into utter bewilderment. “Did you just grab my boobs?”

“Uh, yeah. Single Girl Rule #20: You may squeeze your friend’s boob no more than twice to compliment a good outfit.”

“Wait, are those really in the rules?”

“Mhm. I’ll show you later.”

“Aren’t they right there?” She looked over at my bed, but I stepped in front of her.

“There’s no time for this!” Ash looked like a homeless person. This was an emergency situation. “I’ll recite them for you later. And I do love your outfit.” I tried not to gag at the lie. “But…tonight you have to dress in something I’d wear.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a master plan.” I threw a sexy little black number at her and then dug a blonde wig out of my closet. I was always prepared for any wardrobe emergency. “Put that on.”

“Why do you have a wig that looks like your hair?”

“Just in case I go all Britney and shave it off. You never know what a drunken night can lead to. Everyone in the spotlight is bound to have a moment. Now put it on and let’s get going.”

“Why exactly am I dressing like you?”

“Because I have a way to get rid of Ghost and Teddybear.” That got her attention. “For the life of me I couldn’t

figure out how to ditch them. But then I saw Rule #19: Never wear the same dress as a friend, unless you’re attempting the sexy twins gambit. And then I saw Rule #7: Pics or it didn’t happen, and everything kinda fell into place. It is so on.”

“The sexy twins what?”

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